Here, There and Everywhere
by LightStarDusting
Summary: When one night in her present opens a door to her past, Bella is forced to revisit everything. Will finally coming to terms with one night long ago help her appreciate what she has now? *Continuation of Chasing Paper*
1. Blackbird

**Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. I'm just having a little fun with them.**

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Dark  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

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Chapter 1 - Blackbird  
2006

"_Hey Bella, do you ever wonder…" his blue eyes caught my brown ones._

"_Sometimes," I replied softly._

"_And do you ever think about that night?" he asked._

"_More than I should," I whispered._

_We stared at each other for a moment, our breath visible in the cold night air. The unsaid words hung in the air, swirling around us. Who knows what things would have been like if we had zigged instead of zagged. We were __where__ we were and __who__ we were because of the choices we had made. We didn't need to find the answers to __those__ questions, the unspoken words._

_I broke the gaze and looked down at the mixture of dirt, pebbles, and tufts of grass on the ground. Avoiding the conversation, I pushed my legs forward and back until I gained enough momentum to take flight._

_Silently Jasper reached into his coat pocket, taking his pack of Black and Milds. Removing the filter, he smoked while I swung higher and higher._

_After about five minutes, he asked quietly, "Are you ready?"_

_I stopped pumping and dragged my feet on the ground, pebbles flying up in protest of the sudden stop. Resting my head on the chain links holding the swing, I didn't say anything. Couldn't say anything._

"_Let's get you home… to Edward."_

We rode in crackling silence; radio static yet the radio wasn't playing. The dead air was heavy between us and I kept glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. In the dark I was able to catch quick glimpses, the lights from other cars and streetlamps illuminating him. When I could see him, his expression looked pained, then once again his silhouette would fall back into the shadows. So many times I nearly opened my mouth, _nearly _started to speak, only to hold myself back.

I had a million things that I wanted to say to Jasper and none that were appropriate to the situation. Ridiculous things like asking whether he and Demetri, from our dorm freshman year, had ever streaked through the McDonalds near campus like they always threatened they would. Or if he had a scar from when the stereo fell off the dresser and onto his head while he was wrestling with Emmett and needed to get stitches. And I suggested we go talk to the RA before going to the hospital, only to find out that Emmett _was _the RA. Or if he remembered when we played the huge game of manhunt in the dorm and we hid in the shower together until he accidentally leaned on the knob, soaking us both.

Instead, I looked out into the dark and said nothing.

Of course, there were so many small trivial things I wondered about that we never got to really discuss, let alone the big things that we didn't talk about because we were too afraid of what might come from opening that can of worms. The words that we couldn't say in fear that it might lead to something more, a conversation that neither of us was ready to have. I didn't think we ever would be. Our actions so long ago robbed us of the familiarity we once had with each other. Time cemented the distance between us, and other relationships filled the void. I seriously doubted that we'd ever close the gap again, since our friendship had languished for so long. That was truly unfortunate, because, for a brief time, we had been the best.

The quiet blanketed us, surrounded us, and smothered us.

Forcing myself to focus on the shapes outside the window so I wouldn't look at him, I watched house after house go by, as the car returned me to the home that Edward and I shared. The home in suburbia, where everything looked the same and the same seven house structures repeated themselves over and over. The same seven _days_ repeated themselves over and over. _When had life become so predictable? _Perhaps that's why my world was rocked when Jasper mentioned the past; it had been unpredictable on his part.

He stopped the car in front of my house. I didn't see the glow of the television coming from the family room. The porch light had burned out months ago and we hadn't remembered to replace it yet. It was dark and the street was quiet, with only the sounds of the occasional neighborhood dog barking and the rumble of the car engine. Thankfully, there was a streetlight near our home and Jasper pulled the car into its soft glow. I moved slowly to get out of the car.

We didn't speak our goodbyes. Rather he took his hand off the steering wheel and squeezed mine. Still he didn't look over at me, he just found my hand with his. Eye contact would have been too difficult. Squeezing my eyes shut, I choked out a quick thank you before gently sliding my hand out of his. He moved to get out of the car, to walk me to the door, but I told him I was fine.

I wasn't fine.

He murmured something under his breath about waiting until I got inside. I slid out of the seat, waving the hand that had just touched his in a small goodbye. It was a sad, pathetic gesture and I felt it wasn't enough in the way of goodbye. It was a silly thought; I would probably see him within the next few weeks. But it would always be with our others and they were quite significant.

Shuffling to the steps of the porch, I noticed that Jasper had not yet pulled away from the front of the curb. The overhead light in the car was starting to dim yet I could still see him. His arm was slung over the back of the passenger seat and he sat there, watching as I made my way from him. More than once, my subconscious urged me to turn back and go back to the car. My tricky mind even thought about going to the diner just a few blocks over with him. So we could just be "Bella and Jasper" a little bit longer. An attempt to hold on to that feeling we had caught at the beginning of the evening.

But our time had run out and the proverbial magical carriage had turned into a pumpkin once more. Our night together had ended and we returned to our regular lives. Not that our regular lives were bad but they weren't… us.

When I got to the top step of the porch, I paused and looked back, waving him along. My motion was intended to indicate to him that he no longer had to wait for me. He frowned while he shook his head and gestured similarly to me, shooing me toward the door. He obviously had not planned on leaving until I was _inside_ the house. Flashing a quick, somewhat forced smile, I turned back to the door while fishing my keys out of my jacket pocket. I wasn't fully paying attention when I got to the door and ended up attempting to use the wrong key.

My thoughts weren't on the keys in my hand. My thoughts weren't on the man waiting inside for me. My thoughts were solely focused on the man in the car behind me. Shaking my head, I found the right key and entered the house before turning to look out to his car one last time. Our eyes met despite the distance the front yard put between us. Ducking behind the door for a moment, I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to leak out. Once more, I looked out toward the car sitting under the streetlight.

_I miss you. I miss us. _

I had spent the entire night with him and it gave me a glimpse of what once was and what might have been. It scared me. He raised his hand up from the back of the seat and gave a short wave before inching away from the curb. I watched the taillights of his car disappear down the street. Only when I could no longer see them did I close and lock the door on our evening together.

Leaning my forehead against the door, I took a moment to collect myself before turning and walking further into the house. I wasn't sure where I would find Edward and I didn't want him to think anything of my morose attitude, especially considering what an amazing time I had at the concert. My current state wasn't congruent with how I _should_ be behaving. I walked further toward the kitchen. The stove light glowed softly, but otherwise the house was dark.

"Edward?" I called out softly, wondering if he had fallen asleep on the couch while waiting up for me. I placed my keys in the bowl we used for that purpose and shrugged out of my jacket, hanging it in the hall closet. Slipping out of my shoes, I quietly padded into the living room but didn't find him there. I looked around the entire downstairs, thinking he might be in the den on the computer or elsewhere. Instead, I realized that he had already gone to bed.

It hurt.

I don't know why it bothered me as much as it did. It was obviously late, although not much later than we normally stayed up on Saturday nights. He hadn't said that he'd wait up for me prior to me leaving for the evening. In fact, any other night I probably would not have minded it all. But this particular night, I needed him. I knew it was selfish, but I needed the reassurance that we belonged to each other and we were _right._

Grasping the banister so that I wouldn't trip up the steps, as I had been known to do, I crept up the stairs to our bedroom. There, I found him. He was sound asleep, curled around my pillow, on his side of the bed. I shed the clothes that held on to varying odors from dinner and the concert and got dressed for bed. Admittedly, I banged the dresser drawers a bit, in hopes that I might "accidentally" wake him with the noise.

He didn't wake, only shifted and held my pillow to his body a bit tighter. I weighed my options, thinking about whether I should try waking him or if I should just let him be. I climbed into bed next to him, gently removing my pillow from his grasp and replacing it with my body. His arm snaked around my torso, his body spooning mine and his face pressing into my hair.

"Didja have a good time?" he mumbled.

"Yes," I whispered back. "It was amazing, Edward. So incred…" I trailed off as I heard him snore lightly. "…ible," I finished lamely, speaking only to myself.

I laid there, in the dark, wrapped in Edward's arms and unable to sleep. Spending the night out with Jasper had put my mind into overdrive and I couldn't stop thinking about our lives prior... Prior to Edward. Prior to Alice. Prior to our fated mistake that changed our relationship.

I was wrapped in the arms of the most incredible man, yet my mind was on rewind and I had no way of stopping it. The memories of college came rushing back, to that life BC: Before Cullens. Playing the tapes over and over again of my time with another man.

With Jasper.

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A/N - My first chapter fic written all by my lonesome. Somebody hold me!

The first part of this chapter is from "Chasing Paper" - the platonic prompt from the first Twilight 25. I decided to expand on the ideas I started in the o/s. Feel free to check it out!

A huge thank you to **KrisBCullen** for beta loving me and just plain ol' loving me and dealing with my comma splices and dealing with my verb tense issues (haven't had much issues with run-ons but I figured now would be a good time to start).

**TheHeartofLifeIsGood** (Snuggle Noodle), **LoreliD** (Squish), **Miztrezboo**, and **ElleCC **– thank you very much for _everything_ (yes, I think that about covers it).

**Into the light of the dark black night – The Beatles**

**If you're joining me for the ride, please review and let me know your thoughts.  
**


	2. With A Little Help From My Friends

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Worry  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

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Chapter 2 – With a Little Help From My Friends  
1999

I truly believe that it's not the grand gestures that make an impression but the little things that people do which stick in our minds. The things that they might not even think about, but do regardless, because that is the type of person they are. Big gestures are calculated, thought and planned out. But those little things, they actually show what a person is actually like. Their true self.

Jasper and I had a fairly brief first encounter. But it was enough to make an impression on me. I didn't know him, yet he came to my rescue, which I think is what made it all the more poignant in my mind. I'm almost certain it's not something he even remembers doing. But all these years later, I do.

It was the weekend of freshmen orientation, a weekend that our small New England college with a bit over ten thousand students deemed necessary for all freshmen to attend. There were three sessions, hosting nearly a thousand incoming students during each and they all fell at the beginning of the summer. My peers and I had just graduated high school and the thought of attending a weekend away at college was both exciting and daunting. College really did seem like it was still a long way off, after all; we had the entire summer before we'd be moving into the dorms.

The summer between high school and college was a strange time in general. It ushered in a fresh start, a new beginning. When you've been with the same people for so many years, you don't have a chance to change things up. You fall into the same routine, the same clique, the same role year after year. College affords you the option. Didn't like who you were in high school? That person can fade away. _Who do you want to be? What type of people do you want to associate yourself with? _ You can pick the best parts of yourself and create your college-self. In my mind, college was the proverbial oyster before heading out into the big world.

I spent that last summer with my high school friends, the same people I grew up with and had known my entire life. We went to school together from the time we were finger painting in preschool, to the bad hair days and braces in middle school, to 'the firsts' that came along with high school. For better or worse, we'd seen each other through it all. Promises were made to keep in touch and to hang out over Thanksgiving, but I was well aware that life was changing and we were all moving on to the next big thing. Only time would tell if those promises would be kept.

Freshmen orientation reiterated that sentiment as a group of us sat on the same lawn where we would sit four years later (and let's be honest, in some cases five or six years later) during graduation. My orientation group learned about the ins and outs of college from some very over-enthusiastic upperclassmen, all of whom were hand-picked by the Dean of Students. I was surrounded by the people with whom I would be spending the next part of my life. Somehow, sitting there, flanked by at least fifty people in the same position as I was, I'd never felt more alone.

There were ice breakers. Tours of the campus. Tours of the buildings. _More _ice breakers. Tours of the dorms, bookstore, and cafeterias. Tours of the laundry room. No, seriously, tours of the _laundry room._ Like cattle, they herded us all around campus, prodding us and never letting us stray too far off course.

We played games like Psychologist and the Human Knot. We obtained our campus cards with horrible stretched out pictures of ourselves printed on them and were told where the cards would work on campus. It was overwhelming. It was forced. Forced happiness, forced friendliness, forced excitement.

I was scared shitless.

And then something interesting happened.

When the prying eyes of the administrators were no longer resting upon us, the peppy upperclassmen morphed into real people. They told us of the friends that became like family, of the service projects and activities that bound you together. They spoke of the off-campus parties and gave us the reassurance that anyone who said that high school was the best time of his or her life had clearly _not_ been to college. Being the first in my family to go to college, I only had their word to go on and I really hoped it wasn't their sick idea of a joke. While the forced games and banter would fade in time to a distant memory that one day made me laugh, those words would stick with me because they were true. I didn't need to worry; I wouldn't be on my own in college. The people I came to know wouldn't let me.

Toward the end of the weekend, my orientation group and I, along with another group, entered the lecture hall and the facilitator had us sit in the chairs with the flip-up desks that barely held anything. The lecture hall was intimidating with its stadium seating and overwhelming vastness. We were promised that this hall was not the norm when it came to classrooms at the college. It was merely what was used for large orientation groups and for the large prerequisite introductory classes we were forced to take during our first year. Still, I couldn't help but worry. It was part of my chemical makeup.

Nervously, I rolled my pencil back and forth between my hands on the small piece of plastic that hovered above my thigh. The papers made their way from the front of the room to the back, each one deposited on a desk. Sharpened number two in hand, I leaned over, hair falling on either side of the papers resting on the desk. This was important. It was my very first testing experience in a college setting. I vividly recalled looking around the room and noticing others didn't seem nearly as uneasy as I felt. Maybe they knew something I didn't.

I lifted my pencil and started writing my name on the sheet, only to break the point as soon as I pressed down. Sighing, I started searching in vain through my bag in hopes that I had another pencil floating around somewhere, already knowing that this was my one and only.

"Oh, you've _got _to be kidding me," I hissed under my breath, feeling my skin flush.

My heart raced and as silly as it was, I was too nervous to raise my hand and ask the facilitator for a pencil. I was going to have a panic attack over a pencil. _A pencil. _My mind couldn't help but doubt my abilities for college. _Perhaps I'm not cut out for college after all; I can't even manage to work a pencil._ Looking around anxiously, I saw a guy from the other group sitting in the seat next to mine, watching me in amusement. _He _didn't look anxious in the slightest.

Raising his eyebrows slightly, he pulled the pencil that sat behind his ear and offered it to me with a wink.

Whispering my thanks to him, I took the pencil and once more looked down at the paper in front of me.

Three measly questions graced the otherwise desolate page. The lack of ink almost made a mockery of the importance of this questionnaire. _Shouldn't there be more to this?_ The green-inked Scantron sheet sat on top of the white page, its endless rows of bubbly emptiness just waiting for me to fill out the answers.

Biting my lip and effectively nibbling off the little grapefruit flavored gloss that remained, I focused on the three questions that would decide my fate for the next year.

_1. Do you smoke?__  
__2. Do you stay up late?__  
__3. What are your study habits?_

The higher ups at the Residence Life office had clearly not taken enough time to think about their list of answers. I thought about what I _would_ have answered, if I had more room than the minuscule bubble on the standard Scantron form.

Smoking answer: What exactly were we discussing when asking about smoking habits? Furthermore, I had to wonder, why bother asking since the inside of the dorms are all smoke free. The questions must have been around for quite some time, from when smoking in the dorms was still allowed.

I marked off "No."

Sleeping answer: It was all relative to what was considered late and what was considered early morning. Kind of like the glass is either half full or half empty depending on the contents.

I marked off the little bubble corresponding with "Yes." Just thinking of sleep I let out a loud yawn, setting off a series of yawns through the room.

Studying answer: Habits? We were supposed to have study _habits_?

I picked the "In silence" answer as opposed to "with music or the television on for background noise." But where was the "procrastinating to the very last minute and then frantically working through the night while pulling your hair out of your head and downing cups of lukewarm coffee" answer? Because, if I was being truthful, that's how things usually played out in "Bella's Studyland." I guessed that "In silence" would suffice. As my pencil meltdown had demonstrated, my panic attacks might be visible, but they were, by and large, silent.

I turned to my left to return the pencil to the guy but he had already left. I guess I was so focused on my answers and inner musings, I didn't notice him leaving. I thought to myself that I'd have to keep an eye out for him on campus, that maybe we'd cross paths once again. Little did I know how much our lives would intertwine, wrapping around each other and what a big part of my life he would become. And to think that it all started with a near panic attack and a pencil.

Getting up from the desk, I walked to the front of the room and handed in the sheets of paper to the facilitator. _That's how my small state-funded liberal arts college determines roommates?_ I had to say, based on the experience, it made me worry significantly less about the whole college deal. If all college tests were like the one I had just taken part in, I figured college being a snap. I imagined a match made in roommate heaven and all thanks to those three little questions.

Then I got paired up with my roommate, Lucy.

_Huh._ That previous statement needed some serious reassessment.

* * *

Haaaaave you met my friend, **KrisBCullen**? (HIMYM reference!) She's my beta, but more importantly, she's my friend. I pay her with diner food.

**Miztrezboo** is writing a chapter fic for the Twilight 25 as well. Good stuff!  
**ElleCC** is a Jasper expert (I checked her credentials) and I'm lucky to have her pre-reading.  
**LoreliD **and **TheHeartofLifeIsGood** are my squish and snood.

**Does it worry you to be alone? - The Beatles**

**What little gestures have stuck with you through the years? Did it come from an unexpected source?  
**


	3. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Alone  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

Chapter 3 – Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds  
1999

So, there I was: my first week of college and my first week away from the only place I've ever known as home.

Not only was I away from all the familiar comforts of home but I was sharing a 15x15 box with Lucy. To call it a room would imply a level of _hominess_ or comfort it just didn't have. The metal bed frames, the huge white generic wardrobes, the sprinkler heads that hung from the ceilings, and the plain eggshell white walls. The situation was as about as opposite of home as you could get, especially for an only child who had never shared her room with a sibling. Let alone with someone like… Lucy.

To put it succinctly, Lucy was, is, and always will be a fucking nutjob.

My dad met her while I was moving in and described her as a "character." Then again, he still calls _me_ a "character," so I guess that's not really saying much. She was colorful and quirky and not at all what I expected when I filled out that little questionnaire during orientation.

Lucy and I were two very opposite people. I couldn't help but wonder if the Residence Life people had since re-evaluated their match-making methodology. _Perhaps they should consider hiring those match dot com people to help them craft a new survey, one that asks about more than the three S's (smoking, sleeping, studying). Maybe if they used some of the other letters in the alphabet, they'd get a better profile._ I thought about going to the RA to fill out one of those suggestion cards they were waving around during our first hall meeting.

I would never try to switch roommates because it wasn't my nature to rock the boat, and I could tell from the get-go that it would be an experience like no other. And it was. As it turned out, she and I continued to room together for another two years. That first week, if someone had told me that I'd come to love and depend on Lucy, I wouldn't have believed them. Yet she was oddly just what I needed to get through some of those crazy times in college.

My dear roommate did all of the exact _opposite_ things we had marked down on the questionnaire. Residence Life didn't have an issue matching us up with those three questions, but Lucy didn't exactly answer truthfully when she gave her answers. She wasn't able to attend orientation because her summer was spent on a graduation trip around Europe. That's where she picked up the smoking habit, unbeknownst to her parents.

Her parents were sitting next to her while she filled out the questionnaire at home. Not wanting them to know her new habits, she did what she had to do – she lied. Of course, she hadn't look at it as lying, exactly. She told me that she had plans to follow through with her answers and she knew her trusty roommate (me) would help her. Lucy had great faith in someone she had never met before.

She apologized to me as she flitted around the room on check-in day. Lucy always apologized, she still does. She apologized for taking the bed closer to the door. She even apologized for using the microwave one day, the microwave that _she_ had brought to the room. I played along and reassured her because at the time, I thought that's what a roommate was supposed to do in these situations. I didn't know for sure since I had never been a roommate before so I was just making it up as I went along. I figured apologizing was a nervous habit for her, so I automatically told her things were okay to settle her down, even if they weren't really okay at all. I learned that playing along got old very quickly, and once I had came to that realization, Lucy and I were both a lot better off.

Despite her craziness and our many differences, most of the time I actually _enjoyed_ her. I wouldn't have thought I would, but I did. She was sweet and sat with me while I shed a tear about being homesick and missing my dad, and didn't tell anyone else on the floor about my little breakdown.

She laid down next to me as I curled on my bed in the fetal position and told me that while she loved traveling in Europe over the summer, she cried often because she missed her sense of normalcy and didn't have anyone to lean on. Then she told me that she'd be that person for me, if I would let her be. At the time, I didn't know how much I'd come to lean on her but I thought that the offer spoke volumes about her character. Everything was changing so quickly and knowing that there was someone there, someone on my side, was a comfort.

I truly don't think Lucy had a mean bone in her body, which made up for her strange ways. Through the years, and even very early on, I'd come to the conclusion that small doses of Lucy were best when it came to my interactions with her. The floor mates seemed to love her. While she _was _crazy and could _drive _me crazy_, _she was also sweet and understanding. Her copious amounts of energy made my head spin at times. She never even needed to drink coffee. It made absolutely no sense to me.

One of the first nights of school, she and the other floor mates talked me into going out to a fraternity party. Prior to going out, we were getting ready in our room. Well, to put it more accurately, she was getting ready. I was already ready. The music was blaring loudly. Lucy explained that this was part of the whole _getting ready_ process. Some pop-tart singer was warbling about her baby hitting her one more time. _Sounds like domestic abuse to me. _We all saw what went down with Britney a few years later.

She was transferring things from one purse to another. A purse at a fraternity party didn't seem wise to me. Not to mention the heels she had slipped on her feet.

We were going to our first college fraternity party and she was _wearing heels. _While our school was many things, it wasn't even close to pretentious. The party was going to take place in some dingy basement with too low ceilings and discarded beer sloshing around the floor. I knew the heels would be a hindrance and I had visions of Lucy giving herself a concussion by smacking her head on a wooden beam. She was already tall and with the additional four inches, she would tower over most of the men in attendance. My darling roommate seriously looked like she was going to a dinner party where the tables were adorned with white table clothes.

I was pretty sure the only tables we'd be seeing in the fraternity houses would be beer pong tables. Not that I've ever played beer pong, but you hear stories and watch those "no longer in high school, now we're in college" movies. When I questioned Lucy on the heels she reassured me that these were her _old_ heels. She even offered up another pair of her old heels for _me_ to borrow. I politely declined.

Let's review: Heels, purse, and an amazing outfit, all of which were totally inappropriate for a fraternity basement. _Oh Lucy._

Our floor mate, Makenna, busted into our room, nearly hitting me with the door in the process. She had a bottle of Pucker hidden in her sweater and we all did shots while she told us the "game plan." Her older sister had graduated from our esteemed college the previous May. Therefore, she was the leading expert as to the best parties to attend the first week of school. She rambled on for a bit about which house we were going to and the boys there. Lucy sat next to me, giving me excited glances and bouncing on the thin mattress.

They rambled to each other about the boys they noticed on campus and the nicknames they had for each: Nature Boy, Granola Boy, Cute Boy. _Aren't you supposed to get smarter at college?_ I was surprised that they didn't have a photo flip book with pictures. I had this crazy thought in my head of them pulling out this thick book of pictures, all marked up with given names, nicknames, phone extensions and room numbers.

_Pucker? Really? _I took a swig straight from the bottle, wishing it was something stronger. If I willed it to be so, maybe it would happen? Not that I was a huge drinker but even _I_ knew Pucker was glorified Hawaiian Punch.

Okay, so I wasn't exactly enthused about the whole situation. How did I get roped into going to the party with Lucy, Makenna and the gaggle of floor mates? Well, I guess it was because I knew that's what you're supposed to do in college. My thinking at the time was that I might as well get out there and be social. Plus, Lucy was a force to be reckoned with and would not take no for an answer. She said it was important to blow off some steam. I'm not sure how much steam one could build up in the first week of college but I played along.

We walked in a tightly formed pack to the off-campus houses of Fraternity Row. I was surrounded by the chatter of my floor mates and random clicking of heels on the pavement. There was the occasional squeal of one of the girls as she turned her heel. Which is another reason why, at the time, you wouldn't _ever _catch me in heels: either I'd be smacking my head on rafters or twisting my ankle. Little did I know that a few years later, they would be my most worn footwear. Not the most preferred footwear but still, the most worn now being in the "real world." I'd still take flats any day of the week. Makenna led our group past the dive bar on the corner and a few blocks down to the house that was our destination.

The house looked fairly innocuous from the street. A few people milled around, but otherwise it was quiet and we wondered if we had the right place. We started walking up to the front porch when one of the guys sitting there hitched his thumb over his shoulder and motioned for us to walk around to the outside basement steps. After showing our keys to on-campus rooms and promising we weren't planning on driving anywhere that night, we were all given empty red SOLO cups. Thankfully, we didn't have to pay for our cups since it was the start of school and the fraternities were using their marketing skills to pull in their "customers" for the upcoming school year.

The basement door swung open and loud music poured out. I could see it was packed to the gills with college students. Hanging toward the back of the crowd, I watched some floor mates teetering preciously down the steep steps in their heels. I grabbed Lucy's arm and assisted her while we nervously giggled together. I threw a silent prayer up to whoever was listening that she not wipe out and take me along with her. She barely had anything to drink (I said it then and it bears repeating, Pucker didn't count as drinking) and the steps were a challenge. Thankfully we made it down without incident. We all drank the piss warm beer from the keg and sang along to the music as the beer loosened our vocal cords and inhibitions. The beer wasn't fantastic but the brothers had also made a concoction they called "Jungle Juice" which was purple and all sorts of delicious. I had my fair share of it and then some. And then some more. Before I knew it, I too, was belting out Britney with the best of them.

One minute Lucy and I were attempting to have a drunken conversation with each other about who loved whom more and the next minute this guy had his tongue shoved down her throat. The details of the night were hazy from the outset due to the alcohol; time has only made that worse, but it was forever tattooed on my brain that Lucy's combination of heels, makeup and clothing were some powerful mojo. Perhaps Lucy knew something I did not.

I stood next to them for a moment, staring into the nearly empty cup of Jungle Juice and thinking about what I should do. _Should I wait and see if Lucy was going to come up for air? Should I look for the other girls from the floor that had seamlessly blended into the crowd around us? _I looked around and saw no one I could connect with. Once again, I was surrounded by people, yet alone.

So I did what any other drunk and stupid first year college student would do; I stumbled up the stairs by myself and made my way back to our dorm. One of the fraternity brothers offered to walk me home, but I knew better than that. What if he tried taking advantage instead of coming to my rescue? I wasn't falling for _that._

I waved him off and somehow made my way to campus while clutching my keychain-sized pepper spray in my hand. I'm not sure I would have had even the wherewithal to use it, but it was my security blanket in my drunken state. I might have even randomly shouted out: "I have pepper spray and I'm not afraid to use it," at squirrels rustling in nearby bushes. Thankfully, I made it back to my dorm without getting mugged, raped, kidnapped, killed, or otherwise assaulted by said squirrels and any other baddies that might have been skulking about the streets.

Well, I _eventually_ made it back to my building. The one that I visited first wasn't mine, exactly, but the one next to it. The one that was completely identical in appearance. You know that the architects had a good chuckle over the possibility of that happening when they were built. In fact, I'm pretty sure I saw a few upperclassmen sitting in the courtyard just waiting to watch people do just that.

Once I finally figured out why the key was not working in the door, I sheepishly made my way back to the right dorm. _I know, I know – not one of my finer moments. _But my thoughts didn't have time to linger on my stupidity as I fell into my bed and promptly passed out, alone and safe in my room at last. Well, at least I was alone for that part.

* * *

A/N - You still with me? No Jasper in this chapter but no worries, he'll be around soon. Couldn't have him around for the alone prompt! ;)

**KrisBCullen** is my beta love and braves the winter storm with me (is it spring yet?).

**ElleCC **and** Miztrezboo **pre-read and rock my world.  
**TheHeartofLife **and** LoreliD **are my loves who take care of me from across the country.

Thank you so much to those who have left me reviews, favorited, and alerted this story. I squeal every single time I get an email telling me so (no joke - my family thinks I'm nuts!).

**Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly... - The Beatles**

**Please let me know what you thought. :) I'll squeal and scare my family once more.  
**


	4. Fool on the Hill

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Collide  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

Chapter 4 – Fool on the Hill  
1999

It was the first Friday of classes.

I had rolled out of bed. Quite literally, I rolled from my extra long twin bed and onto my hands and knees on the floor. _Ugh! _My head pounded relentlessly and my mouth was dry and felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls. _Mmmmm tasty._

_Why do people feel it necessary to drink far more than they should? Furthermore, why am I one of those people?_

With that thought, I made a solemn vow to myself to _never_ drink again_. _The same vow that many a hung-over person has made and stayed true to until _at least_ the next night or the hangover was gone, whichever came first. As it turned out, I wouldn't touch a drop for awhile, thanks to a promise I made to _him_. With him.

I had an eight a.m. class that morning. I truly believed (and still do) that early morning classes were created by Satan himself to torture me and the other twenty souls damned to attend it. If not by Satan, then by his incarnate: the Registrar's Office. Those butt-crack of dawn classes are offered as some sort of sick joke for their newest students. Freshmen always get the bottom of the barrel when it comes to picking classes, it's a college rule, and this particular class was all that was open.

One of the first things I learned in college was that drinking and eight a.m. classes don't mix, a fact that I realized when I woke that Friday morning. Since it was my first week of classes, I was well aware that skipping would not be wise so early on in the game. There were syllabi to get and good impressions to make. Plus if the events hadn't played out the way they did, he and I might have never crossed paths in the way that we did. I don't know if it was fate or happenstance but perhaps I should be grateful for having that eight a.m. class. It was the prelude to us meeting that morning.

Pushing my hair out of my face, I began to crawl across the room to my closet to get my bathrobe and toiletries. While I had come home alone, one glance at Lucy's bed while I was crawling past showed me that _she _did not. Not at all. I came face to face with a _very_ disturbing sight.

A bare ass.

Now, the ass in question was definitely _not _Lucy's bare ass. It was a _guy's_ bare ass. I didn't need to be pre-med to know what that meant; if there's a bare ass, there's a bare front. I _really_ didn't need to be seeing any of that at seven in the morning. My poor hung-over self just couldn't handle it.

I silently raised my eyes from the ass and peeked toward the head of Lucy's bed and saw the face of the guy who had his tongue down her throat the previous night. _Well, at least she's a one-guy-a-night type of girl._

I stood up once I got to my closet, to grab all of the necessities and immediately fell back onto my knees. _HOLY HELL._ There was someone playing a pounding percussion solo in my head and I was pretty sure his first name was Jungle and his last was Juice. Slowly I worked my way up to my feet and grabbed two more necessities: Tylenol and a bottle of Gatorade from our mini-fridge.

I briefly considered just going to class in my pajamas. I'd seen others do it in the short time I had been a college student but I didn't have that type of familiarity with my classmates. It was the norm for people who had early morning classes, but at that point I wasn't ready for the collective student body to see me in my flannel pj pants and fleece pullover. That lasted all of about three weeks, and then another three weeks before I expanded my comfort-level to include afternoon classes.

I can honestly say I couldn't name what was worse in that moment: the communal bathroom or _Bare Ass_ (and I had to call him that because I never found out his name)_._ Either way, the thought of leaving _both_ as quickly as possible worked for me. Weighing my options, I decided to be bold and take a gander at the mirror in the bathroom. In a word: _scary._ I had to admit that I was just vain enough to be really happy that no one else was up at the ass-crack of dawn to see morning-after-drinking-Bella. Not my finest hour. Although, technically speaking, neither had been my previous five to eight hours.

I stood in the shower stall, holding onto the bar and trying my best to not throw up. The walls spun around me a bit so holding onto the bar just made me feel like I was on the Gravitron ride. _Why do people pay to go on that, anyway? _As I held the bar and pushed my body against the cool wall of the shower, I tried _not_ to think about the fact that I was, in fact, pressing my bare skin against a communal shower wall. I had flip-flops on my feet to protect me from the floor grunge, but was somehow clinging for dear life to the wall grunge. I closed my eyes and tried to push away the queasiness brought on by drink and by the risks to my hygiene.

I felt only slightly better after showering and brushing my teeth. I moved in slow motion, attempting not to rattle myself or my head too much. I slowly dressed, slowly grabbed my books, and slowly headed down the two flights of steps to face what the morning had in store for me. _Slowly_ was looking like the word of the day. First things first, I needed coffee. I always needed coffee, but that morning I _needed_ coffee. I would have made some in the room but I didn't want to rouse Sleeping Beauty or Prince Ass-is-Bare. Surrounded by other students, I trudged toward the Student Union to pick up my first cup prior to class. The huge brick building housed all the essentials for the students: coffee, food, laundry, mail. Coffee was_ always_ at the top of my list. While there I also grabbed a bagel, in hopes that it might soak up any alcohol that was still sitting in my stomach. I grunted greetings at those I passed and headed to my class in the first building built on campus; a nugget of information that I had learned during orientation.

While I walked and sipped the too hot coffee because I was too impatient to wait, I tried to piece together the events of the previous night. I groaned thinking about the laundry list of stupid things that went down, especially remembering the end of the evening when I tried to go into the wrong dorm.

_This is why I can't have nice things._

***

An hour, a syllabus, and a brief introduction later, I walked out of my class and once again headed back to my dorm. On the way I stopped at the Student Union to pick up yet another jolt of caffeine at the coffee bar. I was able to form the word hello that time around, rather than just grunting at the barista. It was a lovely advancement from the first visit and I was secretly proud of my progress.

Since I was a bit more awake I was able to pay attention to things around me while walking to the dorm and taking in the sights and sounds of the campus. Passing the basketball courts, I noticed a tall blonde with her hair in a ponytail and someone I assumed was her boyfriend, attempting to hang up a sign. "If you're going to talk the talk, you better walk the walk. Vote Rosalie Hale for Junior Class President!" I overheard her calling directions from her end of the sign. "Emmett, move the top left a bit. No Em, your other left! I think it's rippled. Can you flatten it out?" I could tell the large football player-looking man was doing his best to play along and placate her. I remember thinking: _She definitely could handle the responsibility of Junior Class President. She doles out those directions quite well._ The elections happened a few weeks into the semester and I noticed that those running campaigned hard-core. I never thought elections would be so serious in college but I learned quickly that the Student Government really had a strong and active voice; if you weren't involved, it was a good idea to have friends in high places.

I found my dorm that morning with little trouble, as opposed to the clusterfuck of the previous night. Not exactly sure what I'd find when I returned to my room, I was more than a little apprehensive. I considered turning around and heading back to the Student Union or library but instead I continued on my path, walking into the open-air courtyard of my dorm. I had an asinine thought that maybe I'd be able to see through our second floor window from the courtyard, be able to see if there was any movement in the room. Or a sign that said "Lucy and Bare Ass are having sex: DO NOT ENTER!" Anything that would have given me a heads up.

I stood on one of the benches and attempted to see into the room. I even rose up on my toes, risking falling off the bench given my clumsiness record, but I was unable to see anything. I heard a low chuckle behind me and I cringed a bit, knowing I had been caught. I slowly turned around and jumped off the bench, looking to see who had found me in my act of insanity. Our eyes met and I couldn't help but blush. I picked up my coffee cup from the bench and fiddled with the lid.

_I know him. _

I'd met so many people the first week of the semester, yet I remembered him from before that. This was the guy who handed me the pencil at freshmen orientation and rescued me without even knowing it. I had noticed that he was in my Public Speaking class earlier in the week as well and made a point to pay attention while the professor had us stand up near our desks and introduce ourselves. She said something about it being good practice for the semester. My brain was still a bit fuzzy from the previous night's imbibing, but I remembered his name being something… _different._

_On the tip of my tongue…_

He looked at me while inhaling his… _cigarette? Cigar? What the hell is that?_ He assessed my appearance and the coffee cup I clutched in my hands like a lifeline. Then his eyes slid back to my face again and he exhaled slowly, the smoke wafting away from us and drifting behind his head.

"Friday's a fickle friend, huh?"

The moment I heard his voice, it hit me.

_Jasper._

_

* * *

_A/N - This end note will have be professing my love for my loves. Being that Valentine's day is here, I feel this is only appropriate!

**KrisB **is my lovely beta love. I love her because she a lovely little love. ;)**  
**

**ElleCC **and **miztrezboo** are my pre-reader loves. They leave my characters love notes.

**LoreliD **is my fic-wife and her pup-love is going for a title this weekend. Good luck Lily!!!** TheHeartofLife** is my fic-wife (what - we have an open relationship!) and the owner of my embarrassing drunk emails and even more embarrassing morning-after emails.

**He knows that they're the fools - The Beatles**


	5. A Hard Day's Night

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Prelude  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 5 – A Hard Day's Night  
1999

Sitting down on the bench next to him, I tilted my head slightly so that the building shielded my eyes from the sun.

"Yeahhh, Friday's toying with my emotions. It's been a rough morning, Jasper," I answered in return, sliding my messenger bag onto the ground next to the bench. He raised his eyebrows slightly, looking somewhat impressed that I remembered his name.

"Really, _Bella?_ How so?" he asked, as he tapped out a second slim brown papered cigar which, on closer look, I saw were Black and Milds. He started fiddling with it to remove its filter. I noticed the emphasis on my name as well and I had to admit it thrilled me that he remembered. While_ he_ was memorable, at that point in my life I wouldn't have exactly placed myself in the same category.

"My roommate, Lucy, and I did the party thing last night with our floor mates. At some fraternity house with a triangle, an X, maybe a square thrown in there somewhere? She met someone and in a stroke of genius, I wandered home, drunk and alone." His eyes widened while his features twisted into a look that fluctuated between sympathetic and slightly distraught. I paused in my storytelling. "What?"

"You walked home _alone _at close to two in the morning_?_"

"Well, no. It wasn't two, it was actually closer to one-" I started rationalizing but stopped myself. "I knowwww," I dragged the word out, suddenly interested in playing with my shoelace and no longer interested in his eyes. It sounded even more stupid when I said it aloud. "I'm still feeling pretty dumb that I didn't at least ask one of my floor mates to leave the party with me. But they all looked like they were having such a good time and I didn't want to pull anyone away, even though I was completely done. So I just _left._"

"Bella," he breathed out my name as he leaned in closer to me, as if he was going to tell me some great secret. I breathed in the sweetness of his breath from the tobacco and the clean sandalwood smell of him. I thought, for sure, I was going to get a lecture from this guy I had just met about the importance of the buddy system in college and how I should never walk alone. I internally cringed and braced myself for whatever he was getting ready to throw at me.

"Yes?"

"I'm pretty sure there's no square in the Greek alphabet." He leaned back and half-smirked at me.

_Huh. Good to know._ _What the hell is my name again?_ I think I called it right then and there; this guy would be either a boatload of trouble or a whole lot of fun.

He continued, "So, you were saying…"

"I was saying something?" My brain was still a bit mushy. You could blame it on the copious amounts of alcohol from the previous night or the guy who sat next to me; take your pick.

"I think you were getting to the part that would explain why you were standing on the bench, trying to pull a Peeping Tom on one of those windows." He pointed behind him in the general direction of my room on the second floor.

"Oh, yeah. Well, I woke up to a most lovely hangover and a bare ass hanging off my roommate's bed." I took short breath and continued on, "A bare ass which didn't belong to her; it appeared to be the guy that she was sucking face and god knows what else with last night. I can only assume their activities had continued right there in the bed next to mine while I was passed out."

"Right. Well now, that's downright scandalous."

"Mocking is not very becoming, Jasper."

"Point taken, Bella."

"I most certainly am aware that these things happen in college. It just caught me off-guard, you know? It just seems early for things like that to happen. I don't know, call me old-fashioned but we just got here. I don't think that we need to be jumping in bed with the first people we meet or kiss."

He gave me a soft smile and my heart melted a little inside of my chest. The smile turned wicked and he grinned. "But you're comfortable with the idea of voyeurism? I know college gets you outside of the norm but I wouldn't have expected _that_ from you." _Ah yes, there's the Jasper I've known and loved for all of ten minutes. _The fingers of his left hand traced circles on his worn jeans, the right still held his smoke. The conversation was nice, though, different from the other first conversations I'd had with other classmates. Conversations that revolved around what the other's major was and feigning interest in what they were saying. This conversation was not anything I expected, but it was real.

"You expect things from me? We don't even know each other!"

"Hey, we've been talking for at least twelve minutes. That's a damn long relationship in the realm of college. Honestly, you don't seem like the type of girl that would be into watching other's sexual exploits."

I giggled at the thought. "Yeah, I'm not. At all. I just didn't want to walk in on anything that might have been going on. Hence the failed spy moves. I'm definitely not a voyeur in the making."

"Well that's good to hear. We haven't been here long but in the short time we have, I've noticed that college can change people. But I think it's important to, you know, 'stay gold' so to speak."

I questioned his logic. "Isn't that part of college though? Changing and evolving?"

"Definitely. However, I fear that some of our peers are changing and not necessarily for the better. Think about it. In high school you'd party once in awhile, right? Go to a friend's house while their parents were out of town, the occasional high school kegger with limited amounts of alcohol, weed, that type of thing…" he trailed off and looked at me pointedly.

"Yeah?" I was still not quite sure where he was going with this train of thought.

"But here, things happen more frequently. If we wanted to, we could pretty much party every night. We can get whatever we want, whenever we want. Sure, there are rules here at the dorm but even those can be broken as long as you're quiet and keep out of visible trouble. You said it yourself; you walked home _alone_ last night. Probably not something you'd do were you sober at two in the morning, but you lost those inhibitions with the alcohol nudging you along. Not ragging on you, Bella, but that was not a smart move."

I groaned again and tossed my arm over my forehead while leaning back on the bench, knowing full well that he was right. _I'm such a fuck-up._ First week of college, made some poor choices, and I was already ruining the rest of my life. _Fantastic._

"All is not lost, fair Bella. I'm formulating-" he waved his hand around his head as though he was actually formulating something in his brain. "I'm formulating a plan here."

Curiosity killed the cat but I hoped it wouldn't get the best of me. I had to ask. "Are you now? What, pray tell, would that plan entail?"

"My body is a temple."

"Excuse me?" The statement came out of nowhere and took me by surprise, the way he so easily said this in conversation. Yes, his body certainly was nice to look at, but I thought it a bit presumptuous for him to be making such declarations.

"I'm going to treat my body as a temple, with the respect and care that it deserves. From this moment on I'm going to abstain from drinking, smoking and having sex." All of this was said as his lips wrapped around his cigar. He noticed me watching the cigar. Perhaps he noticed me watching his mouth too. _Oh Lord, I hope not. _

"Okay then. So let me see if I have this straight. You're at college and you decide now is a good time to go 'Straight-Edge?' Should I get the black marker out and draw X's on your hands too?"

"Why label it, Bella? I'm not planning on doing this forever. Maybe just until the craziness of the first few months of college is over and done with. Why not experience it rather than look for a label? You in?"

His question confused me, even thought I'd been following along up until that point. "Am I in for what?"

"Are you in for the cleanse experience? Will you join me?"

He finished his cigar and crushed it on the ground. Most would have flicked the butt on the ground. He got up and walked over to the garbage can, tossing it in before returning to sit on the bench once more. He sat a bit closer than before. Rather than answering his question right away, I sighed and held out my hand, waving my fingers in the 'come hither' motion. Not at him. At the Black and Milds. "Let me see the pack."

He tossed it over to me. I took a moment to open it and look at the almost full pack sans the two cigars that he'd been puffing away on while we sat together. Before my mind caught up with my body, my hand swiftly moved and in an arcing motion the pack flew through the air and landed in the trashcan. _Damn, I'm impressed with my sudden coordination. _I almost shouted out "two-points" since I thought that's what you're supposed to do in situations like that one. Hell if I knew, I'd never actually had the object hit the basket before.

I waited to see his reaction. He watched the pack fall neatly into the bin and looked at me like he accepted their fate as trash. He was serious about this idea he placed before me.

And suddenly, so was I. I liked this kid. He was the first person at college that I'd felt an instant connection to and I didn't want to let that slip away. Not saying that we wouldn't have be friends if I left him on his own with this but I knew if I did this crazy cleanse with Jasper, it would bind us together.

"I'm in."

* * *

**KrisBCullen** betas and acts as my big sis.

I would totally do a cleanse if **TheHeartofLife **and **LoreliD **asked me. By the way, LoreliD and I write a Roseward story together - our joint name is **LightHeartLoreli.** Our novella is up for an Indie award! :)  
As always, thank you to my test audience, **Miztrezboo **and **ElleCC.** You should check out their stories! Gahs all around.

**I find the things that you do, will make me feel alright - The Beatles  
The first conversation with Jasper. I'd love to hear what you think of him, her, life, LOST, anything. ;)**


	6. Mother Nature's Son

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Bound  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 6 – Mother Nature's Son  
1999

"_I'm in."_

"Yeah?" his voice rose a bit and it sounded like he was excited at the prospect of me agreeing to his cockamamie idea.

I nodded my head in agreement as I leaned over to throw my empty coffee cup into the trash. "Let's do this. As long as you aren't asking me to give up my caffeine, I'm in. Are we going to have a secret handshake and build a clubhouse in the yard too?" _Oh, he's going to have to get used to me as much as I'll have to get used to him._

"I think a pinky swear will suffice." _Or maybe he's just the male version of me._

We linked pinkies and shook on it. The legal and binding agreement was in place and it was as good as if it were etched in stone. I moved to unhook my pinky but he held it hostage.

"Will you do me a favor?"

I looked down at our joined hands and wondered if I had a choice. His crystalline eyes met mine and while they appeared clear, the feelings behind them were deep and spoke volumes.

"Never walk home by yourself again. _Please._ It's just not a good idea. Hell, call _me _if you need to_._ No matter what. Just don't do it again."

How could I do anything _but_ agree? He had me in a pinky swear head-lock. I spoke the word softly but he heard it. "Promise."

He released my hand and went back to drawing circles with his fingertips on his thigh. I needed to do something with my hand, to fill the void left from where his had touched mine. I played with my keychain that held my one and only key. I felt the need to say_ something_ so I turned my attention back to the whole "treating our bodies as temples" thing. "So I'm not going to have too many problems with the smoking. The drinking will be more of a challenge."

"Yeah, well, we'll be each other's sponsors. We can go out to parties together and look out for each other. Sound good? I know some of the houses have soda available for those who aren't drinking. So we'll drink our coke and go to socialize and make trouble for the drunks."

Having a partner in crime at the parties sounded really good. I told him so with a smile. Then I decided to just bite the bullet and bring up the potentially most awkward of the three.

"And um, no sexing…" I trailed off, not exactly sure how to ask my next thought. I felt myself getting a bit red. "What about self-gratification?"

"Well, we can't bite the hand that feeds, now can we?" I winced at the visual the words provided and he laughed. "I think that self-gratification is perfectly acceptable. We just don't want to do anything stupid with _other_ people. "

"True, very true. Although if my lovely roommate decides to have a revolving door of visitors and doesn't leave the room the logistics might prove to be a bit… difficult." I stopped speaking, burying my head into my hands for a moment before looking up, pushing my hair out of my face. "God, I can't have this conversation with you_ now_. I think I have to wait until at least our second or third conversation to discuss this." My face was now bright red. It would have been nice if I could've blamed the sun gradually moving to its full height in the sky, but that would've been a lie. Jasper sensed my discomfort and moved quickly to change the subject.

"Tell me about this roommate of yours."

I tried to think of words that would adequately describe Lucy without speaking poorly of her or making her sound too out there_._ "She's… nice."

Jasper clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in disapproval. "You're a communications major, right? I hate to break it to you, Bella, but 'nice' is the_ least_ descriptive descriptor there is."

"If you met my roommate, you too, might find it difficult to sum her up in a few words. Oh, wise and brilliant communications major."

He looked disbelieving and I made a face that said: _It's true without a shadow of a doubt. _

"Wait, what did you say her name was?"

"Lucy. Lucy Fairchild."

"Ah… yeah. Okay. I've met Lucy. She _is_ an interesting character." It wasn't at all surprising to me that Jasper had met Lucy. What _did_ surprise me was that Lucy hadn't mentioned Jasper. She and the girls seemed to have taken inventory of all the gorgeous men on campus.

He stretched his legs in front of him and leaned his head back, hands pressed up to the sky. He looked never-ending. Infinite Jasper. I had to remind myself that it was probably wise to stop looking at my new friend in _that _light. When he brought his arm back down to rest on his leg again, I caught sight of his watch. I grabbed his arm to look at his watch and let out a small yelp. It read a quarter to… eleven. _Has meeting Jasper made me a time jumper? _

"It's an hour behind." He explained as I sat there, a bit dumbfounded and holding his arm, staring at the watch.

"But why?"

"My family is in Texas, so it's on Texas time. I'm one of the few out-of-state students here. Reminds me of home," he shrugged. He looked a little embarrassed but I couldn't think of anything sweeter. So I told him so. He looked even more uncomfortable and just shrugged again.

"Yeah, so it's really a quarter to twelve."

That snapped me right out of my gushing over the sweetness.

"Crap! I should get back to my room and get a few things done before Public Speaking this afternoon." I had spoken to my dad earlier that week; I promised would email him my schedule and wanted to get that done before I forgot. I was just hoping that Lucy and Bare Ass were long gone and I wouldn't be interrupting anything. Really and truly. Or if they were still loafing around the room, he'd at least be wearing clothes.

_Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear. _At that moment, Lucy and a few of our floor mates entered the courtyard from the same breezeway I had walked through earlier. _Huh, guess the room is free and clear after all._ The rest of the girls waved and went upstairs while Lucy headed toward Jasper and me.

"Hold up, let me give you my number. We'll rendezvous and walk to Public Speaking together this afternoon," he said. We both stood and I slid my bag onto my shoulder. He started rooting around in his pockets for a pen. I had one sitting in the front pocket of my bag but watching him was somewhat fun. _Shirt pocket – nope. Left front pants pocket – nope. Left back pants pocket – nope. Right pants pocket – jackpot._

Lucy had reached us by this point and was giving me the strangest look. I was afraid her eyes were going to fall out of her head while she motioned behind Jasper's back at him. I tried to decipher her charades while he took my hand and marked me with his name and extension. _As if I would somehow forget his name? My name, perhaps. Not his though._ Lucy had her arms waving above her head and was pointing at the tree in the courtyard. _What the hell is she doing? _

Jasper sensed that I was entirely distracted by Lucy's presence.

"Hey, why don't you give me a call in a bit and we'll get lunch before we head to Public Speaking?" Jasper asked as he pushed the pen toward his mouth, where the cap was resting in his teeth. I thought I was safe since he had taken his vow of no smoking but I couldn't stop looking at his lips. _How are we going to be friends if I can't stop staring at his lips? _He eyes slid to where Lucy was standing, who immediately stopped with her arm flailing and gave him the demure innocent gaze. _Oh, she is good._ "Good seeing you again, Luce." He waved to us as he walked away to his side of the dorm.

Lucy and I both headed to the red metal door and as soon as it swung shut behind us she grabbed my arm and started bouncing up and down.

"Bella!!! Oh my gosh, you and _Nature Boy? _How did this happen? How do you know him? Did you meet him when we were—wait. Wait, was he there last night? How did you get home? You walked with someone, right? Are you _together_ with him?" She took a short breath before plowing on. "By the way, I'm so sorry about this morning, I hope it wasn't too traumatizing." _And theeeeere's the apology._

I ushered her up the stairs as she continued to babble on and on. I answered her questions and assured her that I did not realize that _Nature Boy_ equaled Jasper. _The girl should bottle her energy and sell it. Perhaps to me._

After sending emails to both parental units, I pulled out my Public Speaking books and notes and sat on my bed. The breeze from the window ruffled the pages slightly and we had the fan on the opposite side of the room creating a counter-breeze, since the college didn't provide air conditioning in the underclassmen dorms. Looking at the few notes I scribbled in the margins of the syllabus, I realized that the professor was going to hand out topics for the first assignment that day. Picking up the phone, I looked at my hand, deciphering Jasper's boy handwriting, and dialed the extension.

"Hey, Bella." He picked up on the first ring and I was a little thrown that he immediately knew it was me. The school phones didn't have caller ID.

"Hi… Jasper? How'd you know it was me?"

"I'm watching you right now."

"WHAT?"

"Look out the window."

I leaned over to peer out the window and my eyes scanned the courtyard. I'm not exactly sure why I looked down there since I called his extension and not some imaginary courtyard phone. My eyes searched the building until they landed at the room directly across from mine, on the opposite side.

There sat Jasper on _his_ bed.

He waved and I waved back, teasing him by asking, "Who's the voyeur _now, _hmmm?"

He motioned for me to hang up the phone. He called over to me out his window. "I'll meet you outside at 12:37?"

_12:37? He's a strange one._

I headed outside a few minutes early, eager to get out of the room since Lucy was arguing with her mom on the phone. I twirled my key on the long string necklace keychain given to us our first day, adorned by the repetition of our college's name over and over again. Just in case there was a possibility we forgot where we were. I figured that since smoking and drinking were out of the picture, it wouldn't be a problem for me.

True to his word, he exited the heavy metal door that led to the stairwell near his room at exactly 12:37. We headed off to the Student Union to grab a bite before our class.

During our walk there, we passed a guy in a t-shirt with Greek letters. He nodded at Jasper and gave me what seemed to be an appraising look. "Whitlocckkkk," he drew out his name. "Are you coming tonight? Bring your friend."

Jasper looked over at me and raised his eyebrows. "You up for some non-alcoholic, non-smoking, non-sexing party action?"

Really, who could say no to that?

* * *

**KrisBCullen **is my lovely and talented beta.

I roll with** TheHeartofLife **& **LoreliD.  
ElleCC **& **Miztrezboo **pre-read.

**Swaying daises sing a lazy song beneath the sun - The Beatles****  
You up for some non-alcoholic, non-smoking, non-sexing party action? Sooo, are ya? Leave a review and I'll send along a teaser (2006 Edward and Bella in the house!).**


	7. Fixing a Hole

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Bitter  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 7 – Fixing a Hole  
2006

The last I remembered looking at the clock, it was nearly half past four, Saturday night having faded into Sunday morning. I must have passed out soon after that because when I woke, the sun was filtering through the blinds and I was alone in the bed I shared with Edward.

I was lying on my stomach, my face mashed into my pillow. My right hand had fallen asleep underneath my body weight and I continually shook it even though that didn't really help it "wake" any faster. Still exhausted, I sat up and ran my "awake" hand through my hair.

"Sunday, a little help here?" I spoke out loud to no one in particular, wincing slightly, remembering the last time I'd heard those words uttered.

Glancing at the red numbers of the clock perched on my nightstand, I saw that it was a little after ten in the morning. Edward's clock read the incorrect time of 10:23. He always set his clock a bit ahead to trick himself into being on time.

I didn't understand the logic. He _knew _he had set it ahead, so wouldn't his mind just subtract the extra seventeen minutes? But he'd done it for as long I knew him. "_Doesn't it defeat the purpose?"_ I had asked when we had first met, but he said that it worked for him. It made no sense to me but I had since stopped questioning it.

As I sat there amongst the crumpled sheets and blankets, my mind flashed back to the previous night and my walk down memory lane. I smiled at my thoughts of Lucy and figured I could give her a call later to catch up and see about meeting soon. I didn't talk to her nearly enough lately and I missed her. Then again, I saw Jasper much more and that sense of longing was there as well. I guess it's all about perspective.

Getting up, I gingerly walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I felt like my inner self had changed overnight, but when I looked at my reflection in the mirror, it was still just me, the same old Bella.

The previous evening had been one big mindfuck. It planted a seed in my head, watered it, and I had a small tree growing, all within the span of twelve hours. The comments from strangers and the actions on both our parts didn't help matters. I couldn't help but revisit the past now and again, especially when the past was right in front of me.

Attempting to push the emotional hangover that I was feeling far down within my chest and bury it with other stuff in there, I decided to go in search of the aroma that was wafting up the stairs and calling my name – _Bella, Bella. _

"Coffee, I'm coming for you." I mumbled back as I stumbled my way down the stairs and toward the kitchen.

I could smell it brewing and once I got to the entrance of the kitchen, I saw it sitting there, happily bubbling away in its pot and waiting for me. I noticed a tray set up next to the pot and saw Edward standing at the stove, his back toward me as he poured pancake batter onto the griddle. I stood quietly, watching him for a moment, my mind working vigorously to process what was going on.

_Breakfast in bed!_

I thought about turning around and sneaking out of the kitchen before he saw me but his Spidey Senses must have been tingling because he spoke to me without turning around.

"Hey, sleepyhead. I was making you breakfast in bed, but I see the lure of the coffee was too strong."

He turned, his grin spreading across his face as he took in my disheveled appearance.

"Man, what were you _doing_ last night?" He left his station by the stove and was immediately by my side, pulling me into him for a kiss. I was glad that I had taken time to brush my teeth before coming downstairs and I wisely chose not to answer the question he rhetorically asked. Pulling back, he gave me a quick kiss on the nose before walking over to the cabinet to pull out a coffee cup. "Did you have fun? I tried to stay up but I was more exhausted than I realized."

He knew that trying to converse with me was not going to happen without the caffeine. He poured my coffee and added sugar before handing it to me. He kept talking, having the one-sided conversation and knowing that I'd eventually catch up. "We're out of milk. I used the last of it while making the pancake batter. Your favorite, oatmeal banana raisin pancakes. But now we have no milk for the coffee. I was going to run over to-"

I placed the cup down on the counter and cut him off with another kiss, pushing the words out of my mouth with force. "This is fine, thank you." A five word sentence was practically unheard of from me before coffee and he raised his brows in surprise. His arms wrapped around me and he walked me backwards into the counter with his body, placing his hands on either side of me and pressing his body against mine. His lips were soft on mine, and I grabbed the back of his head, deepening the kiss.

_Screw the food, screw the coffee (blasphemy), I want him._

He pulled away and ran his hand through his hair. I continued kissing along his jaw until he pulled away completely.

"Hey now, don't want your pancakes getting ruined."

"Right…"

Pouting but not saying anything to the contrary, I stood there and watched as he finished making the pancakes. Picking up my coffee mug, I took a sip of the black coffee and winced at the bitterness. I waited to see if he'd turn off the burners and turn to me, intent on continuing where we had left off.

Instead he turned off the burners and said, "Here. Why don't you start eating while I clean up a bit? They're nice and warm." He took the can of whipped cream out of the fridge and sprayed a generous portion on top of my pancakes, just like I liked them. Sweet food to balance the bitter coffee. The coffee wasn't perfect without milk but the caffeine was the important part.

Taking my plate, I went and sat at the dining room table, alone. I wanted more than anything to just call out to him. To tell him to just leave the mess for later, I would clean it. Or to invite him to eat _with_ me. Or to just say, _Screw breakfast, why don't we just go upstairs and back to bed. Don't forget to bring the whipped cream._

Instead, I said nothing. Eating my pancakes and drinking my coffee. My stomach churned and I felt it working overtime to keep those emotions locked up deep inside. I felt selfish. The man just made me pancakes from scratch. He was cleaning up after himself. He was one of the good ones. He'd done everything right.

Yet, still, it was wrong.

After he finished, he joined me at the table with a plate of his own pancakes.

I'd nearly finished mine.

"Wait, you used milk in the pancakes?" My mind was finally catching up. It was on a ten minute delay that gradually got smaller as the caffeine worked its way through my system.

"Yeah, after I stirred in the eggs."

"Oh." I considered not saying anything but couldn't stop myself. "You could have just used water, you know."

"Oh…" There was a pregnant pause that hung between us. "Listen, if you need the milk for your coffee, I can still run down the street. I'm dressed and it's not a big deal."

"No. Don't worry about it." I was being a bitch. I knew it.

He was silent for a moment and I could see he was trying to gauge my reaction. Letting the milk conversation go, he inquired, "So, you and Jasper had a good time?" Picking up his knife and fork, he dug into his food.

There were so many things I could have said, could have told him about. He didn't know the extent of my relationship with Jasper before he and Alice came into the picture but I didn't have to talk about _that. _There was a plethora of things that could have been said. Instead I said, "Yes, it was great."

And left it at that.

We discussed about random things, fixing the porch light and his plans to hang out with the guys. We didn't have anything on the agenda together until that night when we were going to his parent's house for dinner.

"Hey, Alice and Rosalie were planning on going to the outlets today. Did they call you?"

His statement stung, even though he hadn't intended it that way. I feigned nonchalance. "Oh? I didn't hear anything."

Sometimes it felt that Alice and Rosalie had their own little club meeting that I wasn't invited to attend. Granted, they'd known each other from Student Government in college, so they always had that special bond. Rose had asked Alice to be her maid-of-honor in her upcoming wedding, for which Alice was perfectly suited. I was in the wedding party as a bridesmaid, which worked well. Still, their friendship and closeness could sometimes be a bitter pill to swallow.

"… to join us?"

"Hmmm?" I had tuned him out and I realized by the slight raise in his voice at the end of his words, he had asked me a question.

"I asked if you wanted to join us at the movies. Since you don't have plans?"

I quickly shook my head, dismissing the invite as I stood to collect our plates and clean up the table after our meal. "That's okay. I have some stuff to get done around here anyway. I'll just be a homebody." I didn't feel like being the fourth wheel with the all boys club, plus I figured things might be a bit weird seeing Jasper so soon after our non-conversation last night.

***

In the afternoon, we laid together on the couch, his arms wrapped around me, my head resting on his chest. We watched some doctor show where someone was seizing. I swear, all the shows could be mashed up together and there would always be someone, somewhere, who was seizing.

From outside, we heard the rumble of Jasper's car, alerting us to his and Emmett's arrival. Standing and stretching, Edward walked to grab his keys and jacket.

"Last chance, Bella. You sure you don't want to join us?"

"I have no interest whatsoever in whatever CGI enhanced amazing blah blah blah you are going to see. Have fun though." I walked him to the door and gave him a quick kiss before we opened the door and he jogged out to the car. As I stood in the doorway, I watched him head toward Jasper's car. The picture looked oddly familiar, a snapshot of the night before. The car was under the same street light, yet it was no longer dark. I didn't meet Jasper's eyes but smiled and waved before shutting the door.

My cell phone was complaining so I took it to the charger in the kitchen to juice up the battery. Once I had plugged it in, I found that both Alice and Rose had called me in the morning, I hadn't heard it. They were long gone and I settled into the couch, once more, alone. Flipping around on the television, I found nothing of interest, as was par for the course on a Sunday afternoon. My mind was more interested in visiting in the past than paying attention to the present.

After shutting the television, the house fell silent once more. My thoughts drifted back in time to the occurrences of the night we planned to go to that first party and how plans often change.

* * *

As always **KrisBCullen **makes my words better.

**LoreliD **and I wrote a novella called **"I'll Be Seeing You"** (under the penname **LightHeartLoreli**) and it's up for an Indie Award. Voting is going on right now and you should visit their website and check out all the great stories there. And since we are talking about awards, **LoreliD's** story, **"Becoming Jane"** is an amazing canon o/s about Jane (oh my gosh, surprising, given the title!). It's up for an Eddie award. If you are so inclined, check it out!  
**TheHeartofLife **is my Snood. Is your glass half empty or half full?  
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Do you love The Beatles? Check out the All You Need Is Love contest here: fanfiction(dot)net/u/2259512/

**I'm taking my time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday - The Beatles  
****I cherish each and every review I receive! Thank you so much to those who read and leave me your thoughts.  
Those who were Team Jasper... what are you thinking now?  
**


	8. Yes It Is

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Red  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 8 - Yes It Is  
1999

"Get me out of here."

"What the hell are they doing, Bella?"

I sat cross-legged on my bed in front of the window. The shade was still up and the darkness outside easily allowed Jasper full Peeping Tom privileges into our room.

I sighed and twirled the phone cord around my finger, looking at him while I spoke under my breath. "They're putting on an *NSYNC show with complete choreography."

"You wanna come over here before we--"

It was all the invitation I needed. I cut his question off with a swift, "Yes. How about now? Right now?"

He chuckled. "Anxious, are we? I'll let you in at the suite door."

Hanging up the phones simultaneously, I looked over and signaled I'd be there in a few minutes, before pulling the shade down.

Lucy and McKenna stopped dancing when they noticed me gathering my things and trying to make a quick escape. Lucy pulled her hair into a bun on the top of her head and made a generous offer. "Bella! You want to join in? You can be Lance."

"Ummmm, no thanks. I don't want to be Lance."

"Chris? Joey? We're JC and Justin, of course."

"Right. Of course." _No idea. _I politely declined, saying I already had plans for the evening that didn't include impersonating the members of a boyband. They both made faces at me before asking where I was going.

I felt the blush creeping up from my chest to my neck before I muttered out Jasper's name. The squeal that bounced around the room was sure to call all dogs in a ten mile radius.

"Ohhhh, Bella's hanging out with Nature Boy! Which house are you going to tonight? Maybe we'll see you there."

I was never more grateful for my lack of knowledge of the Greek system. I didn't have to feign ignorance; I had no clue where we were going. It was in Jasper's hands and I told them as much. Of course, that led to them saying suggestive comments about what _else_ was in Jasper's hands.

I made my quick escape from our room and scampered across the courtyard. Not quickly enough though as Lucy and McKenna raised the shade and window to make catcall noises out the window. The crimson blush that had just started to fade returned once more as I cursed them under my breath and flipped them off. I probably blended in nicely with the red door before I entered the stairwell. Some might consider the blush a hindrance, I considered it camouflage. I just needed to stand by something red at all times.

Arriving at the landing of the second floor, I found Jasper waiting, holding the heavy metal suite door open with his back. While our room keys opened any of the outside doors to our own building, the suite doors were only opened by the keys of the people that lived in that particular suite.

My heart flip-flopped a bit when I saw him standing there, eating Salt and Vinegar potato chips.

"Chip?" He offered, tilting the bag toward me while we walked down the hall that mirrored my own.

"Oh, so _you're_ the other person that buys these at the campus store." The cashier there always made it a point to tell me that they weren't a hot ticket item when I would get them. I dug into the bag and grabbed a handful of the chips. _Hell, don't have to worry about kissing anyone._

It was a little past ten, which was considered still early in college time so we hung out for awhile in Jasper and his roommate, Peter's room. Peter's girlfriend, Charlotte, was visiting from a nearby college. It was a very chill atmosphere, listening to Pink Floyd and relaxing before going out. The four of us planned to go out together but Peter and Charlotte went down the hall to visit with Demetri before our plans to go out to the party Jasper heard about earlier.

However, things didn't exactly go as planned that night. Actually, besides the hanging out and keeping with our cleanse, they didn't go _at all_ as planned. We ended up going out that night, but we never made it to that party.

Something I'll never understand about guys is their need for random tackling. It's one of those _guy things_, much like the need to jump and hit the top of a doorway as they pass through. And they have issues with ladies going to the bathroom together. At least we didn't call them out on it like they did with us.

That boyish propensity came to mind as I saw a blur rush at Jasper where he was standing near the dresser. Emmett came barreling through the doorway, heading toward Jasper. He had a huge grin on his face but Jasper was clearly not prepared to be the tacklee, since Emmett pushed him backward into the dresser behind him. The CD player came crashing down onto Jasper's head before bouncing off and hanging there by the cord.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. FUCK. Dude, I'm so fucking sorry." Emmett was vacillating between cursing and apologizing.

Red.

All I saw was red.

The CD player did some serious damage to Jasper's head and I looked away quickly, but not before I saw a cut near his hairline streaming blood. I tried to look anywhere_ but_ him, even though I was worried about his well-being.

Instead of focusing on him, my brain decided to hone in on the CD player that was dangling from the wall by the cord, yet still playing as though nothing happened. I heard Roger Waters' voice singing about not needing an education and a giggle escaped from my mouth. _Apparently, my mind finds other people's pain hysterical._

Emmett and Jasper both looked at me with wide eyes like I had lost my ever-loving mind. I giggled harder. Jasper, who was losing major amounts of blood, was looking at me questioningly, wondering if _I_ was okay. The whole situation was ridiculous.

"I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. You're bleeding. There's blood. There's a lot of blood. And yet the band plays on."

Jasper looked concerned as he grabbed an extra t-shirt out of the dresser. He pressed it to his head and it quickly turned red as well, his blonde hair looking brown in the front where his blood was saturating it.

I sat down on his bed, trying to breathe and not let it be quite so obvious exactly how much blood and I disagreed with each other.

"Man, you should probably go to the hospital. I think you need stitches." Emmett moved closer and tried to examine Jasper's head.

My mind returned to _working mode_ at the mention of the hospital. "Do you think we should call the RA on duty? Maybe they can tell us what to do?"

Jasper and Emmett started to chuckle. _Now they're finding humor in this situation? _Emmett thrust his large hand toward me and I shook it, looking at him questioningly.

"Emmett McCarty, RA on duty. Breaker of heads. I'll call over to the student health center and let them know that we'll need the ambulance to come on over to the dorm."

Jasper closed his eyes for a second and took a breath. "Maybe Bella can walk me over to the health center and we can catch a ride there?"

They both looked at me expectantly. _Time to 'fess up, Bella. Tell them your aversion to blood._

"Sure. That wouldn't be a problem." My mouth and brain were often incongruous.

Emmett walked us outside to the courtyard, apologizing once again. After Jasper assured him that he wasn't planning on suing him, he waved him off and we trekked across the campus to the health center, his arm slung around my shoulders. I tried to not think about the blood that was slowly seeping through the second t-shirt he was holding to his head.

The ride in the back of the ambulance was dizzying. I never realized that riding in a vehicle that had no windows on the sides would feel that way; perhaps the blood didn't help matters. The volunteer workers took Jasper's blood pressure and looked at the wound while I sat across from him, trying my damndest not to throw up or pass out. They turned on the lights and I watched the red bouncing off of street signs through the small windows on the back doors as we sped through the quiet streets of the town that surrounded the college.

Once they had finished getting his vitals, we were close to the hospital, so they called ahead to let them know we'd be coming in soon. Friday nights were usually busy ones in the emergency room (I came to find this out through my college experience, as this was not my last visit to the emergency room) yet, it was pretty quiet when we got there and Jasper found himself seated on a gurney quickly.

I stood there as the attending physician came around the pulled curtain and introduced herself. She moved closer to the gurney to look at the wound and he winced in pain as her fingers touched his head. Jasper's kept his eyes closed as he sat there, trying not to move. I was leaning on the gurney next to him and although his eyes were shut, his hand found mine and he squeezed my fingers as she cleaned the cuts and prepared to stitch his head.

I stared at our entwined fingers so I wouldn't see the blood.

"Bella?" His voice questioned lowly. I hummed in response. "Will you tell me what she's doing? I can't really see and I sort of want to brace myself before she's doing it."

_Can I do this?_

"Uhhhh, okay." My answer wasn't exactly a confident one, but I figured I could give it a go. I wanted to be strong and I wanted to help him. I reasoned with myself, thinking his head was no longer bleeding much and I would just have to tell him what she was doing with the needle.

That would have been all well and good, except that I have an aversion to needles as well. I started to open my mouth to tell him what she was doing but my head felt like it was underwater while I was trying to speak. My jaw moved slowly and my ears roared with white noise.

Closing my eyes, red flashed inside my lids. I slowly opened them and saw that the physician had laid down the instruments she was using. I could see Jasper attempting to speak to me but I couldn't make out what he was saying. The room spun around me and I felt myself sliding toward the ground.

When I woke, I was on the gurney next to him. Smelling salts waved under my nose as the room sharply came back into focus.

"Shit, Bella! Are you okay?" Jasper asked from his gurney. He tried to prop himself up on his elbows to look at me but fell back from dizziness.

A nurse came back with graham crackers and juice and handed them to me. The absurdity of the situation hit me and I let out an embarrassed laugh. I heard a low laugh coming from his gurney. I looked over at him and I could see him peering at me from under his stained hair and the sleeves of his doctor who was finishing the stitches.

He smiled and reached his hand over once more to clasp mine. I squeezed his hand while once more averting my eyes from the bloodied mess.

"Never better."

* * *

**KrisBCullen** betas this job. We have a date March 12th.

**TheHeartofLife** and** LoreliD** – ILY. I think it's our 6 month-aversary soon. That's paper or a paperweight or something?

**ElleCC **and **Miztrezboo **are pre-readers AND they are both taking part in the Twi25 as well!

**How am I doing with the prompts? How am I doing with the story? How YOU doing? ;)**

**For red is the color that will make me blue – The Beatles**


	9. I Want to Hold Your Hand

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Taut  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 9 – I Want to Hold Your Hand  
1999

"Okay, so tell me again why I'm going to wear your shirt."

"Black light party for rush week." Jasper spoke as he pulled on his undershirt, his voice muffled. "We go wearing crappy white shirts. We bring highlighters. We get to write inappropriate and lewd comments on people's persons, and then we laugh the next day at what was written on ours."

I leaned on the doorframe to his room, waving to Rosalie as she walked past to the common bathroom. I'd officially met her for the first time when Jasper and I returned from our little trip to the emergency room; she and Emmett were waiting for us. I'd remembered her from the basketball courts so I asked her about the campaign. That led into an all night discussion which started with the seedy underbelly of the Student Government Association. For the record, there really _wasn't_ one, at least not that year.

We stayed up all night in the lounge talking with Rose and Emmett. Jasper fell in and out of the conversation as he rested, his head in my lap, while I played with his hair, making sure to stay away from the giant gash. In the morning (after 8am since that's when Emmett was officially off duty), the four of us went to the diner down the street for breakfast. It was almost perfect time: too early for the hung-over crowd to go in search of food, and late enough that almost all the drunk people had already gone home. A few of the very drunk people remained, but they were mercifully quiet and well-behaved. Soon we had the diner to ourselves where we were able to talk for a few more hours about everything and nothing before we came back to the dorm and crashed for the remainder of the day.

"And you're sure that you're up to going out? Your head is feeling okay? You aren't going to pass out or anything?" It had been nearly a week since "the incident" but I didn't want to take any chances.

Jasper raised his eyebrows as he looked at me. "Shouldn't I be asking you the same question?"

"Harharhar, funny man. Why hasn't SNL called you yet?"

"They should. I'm much funnier than Chris Parnell."

"That's not saying much," I quipped back.

A white undershirt that matched his came flying toward me. Ever the graceful one, it missed my outstretched hands completely, and hit me smack in the chest before falling to the floor. He raised his brows but said nothing; he was learning quickly about my lack of coordination.

I slid my arms out of the shirt I was wearing and put my arms into his shirt's sleeves. In a quick motion, I took my shirt off of my head while sliding his shirt over. A little trick I'd learned in eighth grade gym class.

Jasper looked duly impressed. "Damn, Swan. I think you lack coordination and then you pull a move like that. I didn't even see any skin."

"Good to know you were looking, Whitlock."

"_Of course_ I was looking. What guy wouldn't be looking?"

Rosalie came walking back down the hall, returning once more to Emmett's room. She didn't say a word, just walked behind me and pulled the shirt into a knot behind my lower back, making the shirt taut against my body. She patted my shoulders and flashed a beatific smile before heading into Emmett's room.

I turned my head back to find Jasper staring at my chest.

"Dude, seriously?"

"Throw me a bone here, Bella. What color is that?"

I giggled at his word choice while I pulled the neckline out a bit so I could peek down at _the girls._

"Dark purple with black lace."

He groaned and mumbled something about lace under his breath while he grabbed a few highlighters from his desk. Handing me the purple marker, he held onto the blue one. "Should we start decorating here?"

"I think that's cheating."

We went on to argue the rules of black light parties and if it could be considered cheating if it wasn't really a game in the first place. Finally, he acquiesced, but pointed to _the girls_ and told me that I needed to save that space for him.

"Oh, so it's like my yearbook and you're claiming your page?"

"Fuck yes. Let's do this."

Before long, we were leaning against the cool brick walls of the fraternity basement, watching the drunkenness of the party attendees in amusement. We'd been hanging out nearly every night since we had made the pact and I felt like I'd known him forever. Time played tricks in college and it made you feel like you knew someone for far longer than you actually did. In the case of Jasper and I, it worked to our advantage.

Rush week was great because it meant free parties. I loved the beginning of school. Free parties to reel in the freshmen and then free parties during rush week. Key word being _free._ Granted, the parties were usually only about three dollars. But when you're a poor college kid, it's nice to have that money in your own pocket. Especially when you weren't even going to be drinking the Natty Ice that was provided. Yeah, you wouldn't ever hear any complaints about _free _from me.

That night, we were feeling good, just being around the other people who were drunk. The drunk was contagious. I'd already been decorated with hearts by an overzealous Lucy and her pink highlighter. She had started to head for the area over my left boob, where the heart lies, but Jasper had shooed her away, his hand already there. She settled for my left sleeve, telling me that I wore my heart there. I told her to have another beer before she flitted off to do just that.

Jasper was taking his sweet time drawing a maze like pattern that turned into an elaborate heart over the left side of my chest. His tongue peeked out from his mouth as he concentrated on his artwork and he leaned with his other hand up against the brick of the basement wall. The right side was still barren and he told me he was saving it for later.

We stood for a bit, nursing our sodas and watching people highlight around us. I felt Jasper nudge me with his shoulder.

"Get a load of this one."

We watched as the tiny girl worked the basement rooms. She may have looked like Tinkerbell in stature, but she had a shadow like Peter Pan. There was a guy following behind her the entire time. He didn't talk to anyone but her, but he seemed to be holding something for her, and it looked like she handing something out as she worked the room. We could tell that she wasn't drunk even though she carried a cup of beer, suggesting otherwise. She was _good._ Moving from group to group, assessing the type of people they were and acting accordingly. She flirted with the guys. She acted silly drunk with the girls. She was there with a purpose in mind. Nothing about the way she acted with anyone was fake; she just seamlessly made the transition as she moved from group to group.

Finally she made her way to where Jasper and I were standing. We could both tell that she was trying to figure out _what_ we were doing there as we were clearly not in the same inebriated state as our party counterparts.

She stood in front of us, an earnest, determined expression on her face. I could see the wheels turning and she made the calculated decision to stick out her hand toward me first, and then Jasper as she introduced herself.

"Don't be a dum-dum – vote for Alice!" She sang as she grabbed two dum-dum lollipops with the same slogan taped on them from the guy standing with her and handed them to us. I looked down and saw I had gotten a chocolate flavored one, my least favorite dum-dum lollipop flavor.

"What are you running for, Alice?" Jasper asked with interest.

"Freshman class president. I have great ideas, which I can share with you if you are interested… but I have a feeling you're not. Not many people here are."

"_I'm_ interested. Tell me more." Jasper leaned on the wall and started talking to Alice while I continued to stare at the chocolate lollipop.

"Something wrong?" the guy with Alice asked with a bemused expression on his face.

"I don't like this flavor." I pouted. I actually pouted over a fucking free lollipop. So much for me never saying anything bad about _free._ I wasn't drunk. And I had highlighter all over my shirt. Yet, I was pouting over the _lollipop._ Priorities.

"What flavor _do _you like? I don't want this to impede Alice's chances of winning the election and, well, I have connections," he said as he held up the bag of dum-dums, smiling at me.

I bit my lip while I thought long and hard. This was an important decision.

"I like grape. Grape is a good flavor and it doesn't turn your mouth some funky color. Grape is the best dum-dum flavor… dare I say, _ever?_" I said, quite seriously.

"Grape it is." He dug through the plastic bag, searching until he found a grape one and presented me with the small lollipop wrapped in the white and purple wrapper.

"So, how did you get roped into helping her out?" I asked. I sucked on my purple lollipop, after sticking the wrapper into Jasper's back pocket. He was thoroughly engrossed in his conversation with Alice and I overheard her talking about snack machines in the commuter lounge. _Very important._ The sudden wave of jealousy I felt caught me a bit off guard.

"She's my twin sister. It sort of comes with the territory." He stuck his hand out toward me. "I'm Edward."

Putting the lollipop in my mouth and switching my cup to right hand, I shook his while introducing myself. "Bella."

We went on to chat for a couple of minutes and we both took turns decorating each other's shirts with the highlighters. Jasper and I promised our votes to Alice and then she and Edward continued on their campaign trail, shaking hands and handing out lollipops. If there were babies, I'm sure they would have been kissed but thank god, there were none. It was a quick meeting and at the time, we didn't realize how significant a role we'd all come to play in each other's lives.

After they had walked away from us, I turned to Jasper, only to find him watching me with a tight expression on his face.

"_What_ is that look?"

"He liked you."

Automatically I took my defensive stance, hand on hip and head tilted to the side. "Dude, really? We spoke less than twenty sentences to each other. What the hell are you talking about?"

"Just trust me on this one, he liked you. His sister sure seemed to think so." He unwrapped his blue cotton candy lollipop and pushed the candy into his mouth. He stuck the wrapper into the same back pocket I had put mine.

"Yeah? Well, what about your 'tell me more about your campaign?' Really, Jasper, it's a freshman campaign. What the hell is there to tell?"

Jasper was quite defensive for someone who was just trying to call _me_ out. We continued to rag on each other for a few minutes before Lucy stumbled over to us and took the lollipop out of my mouth and put it into hers, citing the fact that she clearly needed it way more than I did. The next thing I knew, she was making out with Makenna with all the guys nearby cheering them on.

"We should sell lollipops to the drunks. They seem to be a big hit." I joked to Jasper as we watched the two girls. I saw a gleam in his eye and I figured that our little tiff was forgotten as he whispered the word _Blowpops _in my ear.

An hour passed and my shirt glowed in the black lights as I stood the line at the bar attempting to get more soda for Jasper and me. I saw Edward coming toward me through the throngs of people. He pulled a grape lollipop out of his pocket and tossed it to me. Amazingly, I caught it. _Maybe he did like me?_

The music was loud and the lead singer of Portishead was wailing about nobody loving her. He tried to say something to me but I couldn't hear him. Pointing apologetically at the speaker, I just waved and he waved back. Unwrapping the lollipop, I stuck it into my mouth and got a cup of soda for Jasper and me to share once I made it up to the bar. I worked my way back over to where Jasper was standing off to the side, alone.

Deciding to go for the gusto, I did a ridiculous little dance, attempting to emulate Lucy, while holding out the cup to him and sucking on the lollipop. Even in the dimly lit basement, I could see his eyes widen slightly, the black lights making the whites stand out more. Perhaps because I knew that we had our pact, I felt more comfortable than I otherwise would. Emboldened by his reaction and the contagious drunkenness, I handed him the cup before turning directly in front of him and pressing my back to his front.

I expected to pull away from him and for us to both laugh at my antics. Instead, I felt his hand on my hip, dancing along the silver of skin that showed from where his shirt had bunched up on my body. I could feel the reaction I had on him as he pulled me tighter against him, bending his knees slightly to align our bodies together. His hot breath tickled my ear and he was about to say something when Lucy once again bounded over to us, telling me that I was doing the dance "wrong."

Shaking my head, I felt the sides of my mouth fall into a frown. I started to pull away but his hand kept me firmly in place, tight against his body. His breath mingled with the wisps of hair near my ear. "There was nothing _wrong_ about that, Bella."

I knew that he looked at me as a friend and the whole interaction was not as big of a deal to him as it was to me. It was obvious to me so I pulled away quickly, flushed pink at our actions and his words. It seemed that drunkenness wasn't the only thing that was contagiousness in the fraternity basement but horniness as well.

The evening ended with the standard last call at 1:30 before the brothers of the house started pushing people out the door and telling party-goers that they didn't have to go home but they couldn't stay there. As soon as the brothers started their first wave of attempts to clear people out, Jasper and I decided to make our way back to the dorm.

The courtyard was mostly empty when we got there, a few random people lingering and getting fresh air before heading inside. Jasper walked me over to my stairwell door and offered to walk me upstairs.

I walked up the stairs ahead of him and he trailed closely behind me. He leaned into me, hugging my body close to his before I let myself into the suite. If I didn't go quickly, I wouldn't let go and might say something I could possibly regret.

After entering my room, I unknotted the shirt and pulled it up and off my body, getting ready for bed. I looked at the highlighted messages and artwork all over the shirt. It was then that I realized the right side of my chest was still unadorned; later had come and gone, and although Jasper had made an impression on me, there was no sign of it on my shirt.

* * *

**KrisB** – You. Me. Remember Me. Cannot wait to "go to school."

**Heart & Lore **- mine.

**Cass & Elle **– amazing.

Oh hi, 1999 Edward and Alice!

What's your favorite flavor?

**And when I touch you I feel happy inside – The Beatles**


	10. I'll Get You

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Earnest  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 9 – I'll Get You  
1999

"So, what'd you get?" Jasper leaned over and tried to peer at the small piece of paper that I quickly slid into my jacket pocket.

Attempting to divert his attention, I asked, "What'd _you _get?"

Diversion tactics didn't work.

"I asked you first. Come on, what is it?"

Jasper and I were walking across campus, headed back to the dorm from our Public Speaking class after getting our speech assignments. We'd already given introductory speeches and now the professor had thrown a little twist in for our next assignment. Each of us had drawn a tiny slip of paper with a word on it and we had to give a five to seven minute speech on that prompt. Whether we knew about the topic or not, we needed to become experts.

The word _flirting _mocked me from the tiny paper and I checked it a few times, thinking if maybe I had misread the word. I hadn't. I wondered if I could get one of the people in my class to trade with me. Considering I wasn't much of an expert when it came to the particular topic, I was pretty sure my speech was going to be abysmal and I really wanted to start my first semester in college with a strong grade point average.

Jasper walked next to me, looking at me expectantly. He tried to reach into my pocket to grab the paper but he was thwarted when I slapped his hand away. When he realized that I wasn't going to be forthcoming with the information, he offered up his topic. "Fishing. I got fishing."

_Fishing? Why the hell couldn't I have gotten fishing? At least I knew about fishing._

"Fishing isn't bad."

"I don't know _anything_ about fishing."

"I grew up fishing with my dad and a close family friend who acts like an uncle to me. He has a small boat and would take me along every Sunday when I was young. Of course, I didn't go as much once I got older but still… I know fishing. I can help you… or we can switch?" I threw the question in, wishful, at the end.

"Well you still haven't told me what topic _you _pulled."

I sighed. "I'm going to embarrass the hell out of myself. I got _flirting."_

The smile that spread across his face could have lit the sky.

"Oh, you look excited!" I plowed ahead, hopeful. "Does that mean you want to switch with me?"

His grin only got wider. "Oh, hell no, Swan. I might not know a flying fig about _fishing _but I'll deal. I want to watch what you do with _flirting._" He draped an arm over my shoulder.

Pouting, I slipped out from underneath his arm. "You're not very nice."

"I never claimed to be." His arm somehow wound up back over my shoulder again. Once again, I pulled away, giving him the patented Bella Swan death glare.

He didn't fold.

We arrived at the dorm a few minutes later. Jasper tried to tug me over to his side of the building with him, but once again, I slipped from his grasp. Then he was the one pouting.

"You're not coming over?"

Shaking my head, I pointed my stairwell door. "Nope. Since you won't switch with me," I figured a little guilt trip never hurt anyone, "I have to go consult with the experts so that _I _too can be an expert on flirting. Or at least, _pretend_ to be an expert on flirting." I turned to see him at his door, holding it open for two girls passing through, and gave a little wave. "Call me later."

I heard chatter coming from the community lounge and I swung the door open to find Lucy and Makenna draped across the couches there, radio playing and notebooks open.

"Luuuuuucy, I'm ho-ome." Ricky Ricardo really had nothing on me.

"Why do people always SAY that to me?" Lucy whined, a genuinely confused expression on her face. I stared at her, flabbergasted, and she stared back at me expectantly waiting for an answer. She waited a beat longer before her face broke into a grin. "Just messing with you, B."

After filling the girls in on my class assignment, they were _more _than happy to give me their best flirting tips. I took my notebook out of my bag, figuring that with their vast wisdom in the area of flirting, I should take notes, otherwise I might miss something of vital importance.

Makenna pulled her curly into a high ponytail while pursing her lips in serious thought. "Bella, it's all about body language. For example, take Marilyn. Marilyn knew what she was doing."

As always, I was a bit lost when talking to Makenna. I'd come to expect it during our conversations. I asked, "Marilyn? Is that your sister?"

Makenna looked more than disappointed in me and exhaled an exasperated sigh. "Marilyn _Monroe_," she stated while emphasizing her last name, as though I should have clearly known who she was speaking of by first name alone. "She did this thing with her eyes and then in combination with her mouth, it just made men forget their own names!" Lucy sat next to her, bobbing her head in agreement while they both attempted to show me what they were talking about.

I was scribbling in my notebook, trying to keep up with everything Makenna was throwing at me and draw diagrams simultaneously. "So, eyes plus mouth thing equals men forgetting names?"

Lucy chimed in at that point. "Yes! Haven't you seen _Clueless?_ Anything that draws attention to the mouth is good!"

"The mouth. Got it. Check."

"Right. Like how you were eating that lollipop at the party the other night? Guys like lollipops. Didn't you see how much of a fan club you had the other night? Anything that reminds them of sucking," Lucy giggled and she and Makenna exchanged knowing glances before both looking at me. I could feel the blush rising up my neck and across my face. There were guys _watching me_ at the party? Watching me eat a lollipop? "Aren't you going to write that down?" They both noticed that I hadn't written down their last tidbit of advice and raised their eyebrows expectantly.

I blanched. "Um, I can't say that in my speech."

"Well, okay. But you might want to write it down anyway. Consider it personal knowledge."

"Allllright-y then.." I drew out the phrase as I began to stand from where I was resting on the arm of the couch. "I think that I got everything that I--"

Lucy cut me off from my escape and tugged on my arm so I sat back down. "And you need to be coy. A little bit mysterious. Like you've got a secret that they NEED to know, that they must talk to you to find out about."

I wrote down a few more nuggets of flirting wisdom they shared with me before I had what I considered to be enough and finally made my escape to the room.

Later in the afternoon, Lucy came into our room to find me sitting on my bed and poring over the notes that I had taken. I was starting to freak out about the speech and it was days away. I had to give a _speech_; not only did I have to speak coherently for five to seven minutes in front of a group of people I did not know all that well, I had to talk about _flirting_, of all things. _What did I ever do to Professor Cope to make her hate me?_

"Hey, you want to have pizza for dinner tonight? I'm feeling lazy and don't want to walk to the Student Union. Plus I already ordered from Makenna's room."

With my pen in my mouth, I hummed my pizza approval without raising my eyes.

"Great! I'm going to call my mom to check in real quick and the pizza should be here soon." Our school had an agreement with the local pizza place so that we could use our meal plan and have the food delivered to the dorms. _Everybody wins._

After hanging up the phone with her mom, she looked at me again and came over to join me on my bed. She gently closed my notebook and placed it on the bed before taking the pen from my mouth and setting it down on the top of the notebook.

"Listen Bella," she said, earnestly. "I can tell that this assignment has got you worried. Hon, you are totally over-thinking this."

I opened my mouth to say something but she stopped me by putting her hand up in the air between us.

"You don't give yourself enough credit. You're a flirt. You just don't even know you're doing it most of the time. That's what makes it so great." She threw her hands up in the air to emphasis her point.

"Is that what you were talking about when you said I had a fan club?" I was still embarrassed that I'd publicly embarrassed myself with a dum-dum, but I needed to know what they were talking about.

"That's exactly what I mean. Why do you think the guy who gave you the first lollipop made sure you got a replacement when I took it from you? He liked watching you… and your lollipop." Lucy was looking at me as if she had just been forced to explain the birds and the bees to me. Honestly, I was such an idiot with this stuff, it was humiliating.

"How does any of that help me with my speech?" I asked, trying to figure out how I could get my unintentional flirting to work to my advantage since it was… _unintentional _and all.

"I don't know, B, but you'll think of something. Just bring Jasper up there with you." She elbowed me slightly in the ribs.

I needed that red wall to stand near again. "I do _not_ flirt with Jasper." I thought about and amended my statement by tacking on, "a lot."

"Yeah, okay. I hate to break it to you Bella, but that's _all_ you and Jasper do! The two of you emit a crazy amount of sexual tension."

I sighed again while thinking about my interactions with Jasper. "I don't think it's the same for him as it is for me. He's… him. He seems to have that with a lot of girls."

"Bella, you're blind. He doesn't hang out 24-7 with 'a lot of girls.'" She even went so far as to do the air-quotes around 'a lot of girls.' She continued, "He hangs out with _you._"

"Of course he does, we have that cleanse pact." Not many people knew about our pact but Lucy did.

"Right, Bella, he only hangs out with you because of the pact. You just keep telling yourself that."

I picked up the pen and started twirling it in my fingers. I could feel her shift on the bed.

"Hold up a second. Bella…" she trailed off and I could tell exactly where her mind was going. It was where my mind had wandered, finally taking up residence more and more often as of late.

"Do you-" she stopped herself again before just flat out stating the fact. "You _like _him, don't you? Like, REALLY like him?"

I thought about denying it, but this was Lucy and she was more observant than most people gave her credit for. She might have played the part of a complete flake well but she had some keen observation skills when it came down to it.

"I like him. I don't think I'll do anything about it. But I like him. And that's really all I want to say right now, Luce."

"Okay, I get it. You don't want to talk about the feeling things right now. But Bella, these feelings? They aren't just going to go away. You're going to have to deal with them at some point. Think about it."

And with that, our serious conversation was over. Lucy looked out the window and saw the delivery guy standing in the courtyard with his cell phone, ready to ring the room. "OH! It's Cute Pizza Delivery Guy tonight." Raising the window, she called out to him that she'd be down in a jiffy (yes, she used that word) before he got a chance to ring our room. She threw in a little Marilyn pout and sexy lowered lids before bouncing out of the room.

Looking out the window, I saw movement from within Jasper and Peter's room. He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked out the window and gave me a curious look before pretending that he was casting a fishing pole. Doing my very best Marilyn impression, I brought my hand to my mouth and blew him a kiss while fluttering my eyelashes. I'm pretty sure I looked like a fish, and I thought perhaps he'd catch _me_ with his pole. Then I realized just how dirty that thought was.

Shaking his head, he looked down for a moment before raising his eyes to meet mine once more. I tried to look away, but I couldn't. Lucy's words rattled around in my head and I knew that she had just expressed out loud what I was trying to ignore.

Still, I tried to rationalize. It had been easy to fall into a close relationship with Jasper. I had liked him from the start, from the moment that he rescued me with the pencil. But I feared saying anything or doing anything more than dropping small hints here and there because, well, what if that feeling wasn't reciprocated? I would never want to do anything that would take away the friendship that we had established in the first month of school; it was something that was too precious to me.

So I did what I did best, which was saying nothing at all.

* * *

**KrisBCullen** is my lovely beta.**  
LoreliD** and **TheHeartofLife** are my lovely wives.**  
Miztrezboo **and **ElleCC **are my lovely pre-readers.

Thank you so much to those who read and review. I send along teasers with my replies and usually go on far longer than I should in gratitude. ;)

**It's not like me to pretend – The Beatles**


	11. Strawberry Fields Forever

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Languid  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 11 – Strawberry Fields Forever  
1999

September went quickly and before long we found ourselves smack dab in the middle of October. The days were getting shorter, the darkness creeping in earlier and earlier. Classes were done for the day and we found ourselves lying on Jasper's bed, as we often did. We spooned on his bed in the near-dark, our right hands entwined near our heads, his left drawing shapes and letters on my back. Winamp's visualizer danced on the computer screen to the Grateful Dead crooning whimsically about Uncle John's band playing to the tide.

"Do you think that Uncle John's band sounds like Grateful Dead?"

_Where does he come up with this stuff? _"You..." I trailed off, dragging my eyes off the screen for a moment to glance over my shoulder to see his face in the glow of the computer screen. He smiled a lazy grin at me, waiting for me to complete my thought. "You are truly bizarre."

"_You_," he breathed out, his lips were close to my ear and he wrote out the word _you_ in lazy script across my back with his pointer finger, "are the one hanging out with me."

Uncle John led into Zep's song about lemons and I blushed, turning my head back to rest on my arm. We watched in silence as red circles morphed into dancing purple lines that zig-zagged across the screen, in time with the tempo. The tip of his finger languidly zig-zagged across my back, which tickled a bit, but I didn't want him to stop so I stayed quiet and did my best not to squirm.

"This is strangely mesmerizing."

I hummed in agreement since my thoughts were swishy, due to the closeness of him. My ears were mostly tuned to the music coming from the speakers and his voice as he piped in here and there, singing along the words he knew. "I know. It feels like I'm high…"

We both chuckled. The comment could have been in regards to the screen in front or the guy behind me; I doubt he'd ever know the high he created within me by his mere presence. When I was near him, the colors danced and the butterflies flew. I'd come to expect the closeness with Jasper: the touching, the hand-holding, and the hugs. It was our way together and while I didn't see him nearly as close with anyone else, I also knew that it didn't necessarily mean that he felt the same for me.

There was a knock on the door but neither of us made any move to get up and answer the intruder of our bubble. Jasper called over my head "It's open." Emmett peeked his head in slowly. The door's hinges squeaked as he slowly pushed the heavy door inward and he muttered something under his breath about writing a work order for maintenance. The harsh fluorescent light from the hallway flooded in and we both squinted up at him.

"Whoa, am I interrupting something here?"

"Dude, I don't think we would have invited you in if you were," Jasper said while waving our hands around together. "Friends." I echoed his statement softly as though somehow my saying it would reinforce the fact in my head. _Friends. _

Emmett's eyes found mine in the dim light that glowed from the screen, shades of greens reflecting off his skin, and he nodded infinitesimally. Like he knew. However, he did not betray me when he answered. "Right, okay." He paused for a moment and I thought he might say more but instead he switched topics. "Well, I planned this program with you," he gestured to the both of us, "who live in a different music era in mind."

He pushed a flyer toward us and I squinted at it, my eyes still adjusting to the dark/light/lack of light thing that happened in the past few moments. He could see I was having trouble reading it so he filled in the blanks by stating, "Dark Side of Oz."

Of course. I'd watch _The Wizard of Oz _in high school, synched up with Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album. We sat in James' basement, his parents often gone on business trips and we'd take trips of our own. I also lost my virginity _to _James while watching "Dark Side of Oz." _Ah yes, I knew "Dark Side of Oz" quite well. We were old friends._

"Dark Side of Oz, huh?" Jasper smirked at me while trying to examine the flyer. We had traded losing virginity stories one night on our walk home after selling Blow Pops to the drunks at a fraternity party. He was friends with a lot of the brothers and we worked out an agreement that we'd sell the lollipops there and give them a cut of the profits. The plan worked out well all around and the brothers wondered why they hadn't thought of it before. Our logic was when you were drunk and wanted a blow (pop), you would paid the price, which was a steep buck fifty. Most people didn't carry change and we didn't_ give_ change so we usually ended up getting two.

I knew he wouldn't dare say anything in front of Emmett, but even still, I sat up and nonchalantly took the flyer into the hand recently vacated by Jasper's. Groaning, he rolled back and rested his arm on his face. Emmett sat down at the foot of the bed, next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"You're coming." It wasn't a question, it was a demand. He looked at Jasper and informed him, "And you're coming, too."

Jasper grinned the same lazy grin and, answering for me, stated, "Yes, we're coming together." He paused, thinking about that for a moment. "That doesn't happen often you know. Not in college, anyway. Definitely not in high school."

I smacked his leg at his double entendre, although it was nearly a triple entendre if you considered the fact that he was teasing me about my history. "I don't know, Emmett. I really have to start studying for midterms. My Semantics grade isn't so great so I need to pull it up with the midterm since it's worth twenty-five percent of the course grade."

Jasper chimed in, "When she says her grade 'isn't so great' she means that she's getting a B+ instead of her standard A. And Bella, midterms aren't for another week and a half. You have plenty of time to pull the all-nighters. We can study together. I'll buy you coffee."

I bristled, a bit defensive of my study habits. "I'm trying to turn over a new leaf in college, what with _the cleanse_ and all. I'm being a bit better about the studying thing and looking _not _to have to pull all-nighters."

Emmett knew about _the cleanse_ too. As time went on, more and more people found out about it. Emmett and the rest of the RAs in the building had come to expect Jasper and my presence at their programs. Going to parties and watching other people drink had gotten old quickly so we looked for things to do around campus as well. Surprisingly, there were more things than we had expected. Bands in the Student Union, and other random programming that we probably wouldn't have otherwise been to if we'd always gone out to parties.

Emmett pulled me tighter into his body, wrapping his other arm around me and squeezing me in a great big bear hug. "Bella, come on. You know you want to. I get brownie points with Res Life, the more people attend. I was thinking that you and Jasper would be sure bets since this is right up your alley. And it's not like you'll be going to any parties that night, right?" He finished his plea with a sad, pathetic look. Turning my head, I saw Jasper with a similar expression.

_Amazing what puppy dog eyes can do to me. _I felt my resolve wavering. Sighing, I gave the flyer back to Emmett and gave in to both of them. "Why do I feel like this is peer pressure?"

"Peer pressure of the best kind," Emmett reminded me. It was true. Of all the things to be pressured toward in college, going to an RA's program to support them was really on the low end of the scale.

"Fine, I'm in." Emmett squeezed me tighter before getting up to head out of the room and continued on his quest to inform the residents about the program. I settled back down into my spot and Jasper immediately started drawing on my back. Glancing once more over my shoulder, the grin reappeared when I informed him, "You're buying me coffee. Lots and lots of it."

The following Tuesday night, Jasper and I found ourselves walking into the dorm's rec room. Midterms were a week off and surprisingly, there was quite a turnout for the "Dark Side of Oz" program. Perhaps people had better taste in music than Jasper and I gave them credit for. Or perhaps (and more probable) they were pre-partying in their rooms.

"Emmett got a lot of people to come," I said to Jasper and we both laughed once more at the coming jokes. It didn't take much to amuse us.

"Well he _is_ a big guy," Rose zinged back at us as she casually handed us "mocktails." She always came through with the jokes when we least expected and we laughed harder as she joined in. Rose, was a permanent fixture in our dorm, even though she didn't technically live there.

We made ourselves comfortable, settling onto one of the couches that faced the large screen that the Residence Life office loaned out for programs. His head rested on my lap as I languidly played with his hair, the cut from the start of school long since healed, although the scar remained. I traced it absentmindedly with my fingers.

On the third MGM lion's roar, Emmett switched on the stereo and the music synched up with the actions on the screen. I felt Jasper breathe out and relax into my leg. I asked if he felt okay and he closed his eyes, saying he was just a bit worn out from school.

It was nice to know I wasn't the only one feeling the stress of the upcoming midterms, even though he wasn't as open in admitting it and it wasn't necessary for him to study like I did. We all had our ways of handling the pressure. He was soon sleeping and I thought about waking him to bring him back to his room so he could sleep in his bed. Instead, I just sat there, his head in my lap while I played with his hair and created a new memory for "Dark Side of Oz."

After the program, we went back to Jasper's room. I had left my bag there earlier but once we returned to the room, I didn't want to leave. Peter wasn't in the room so I laid down on Jasper's bed and he crawled behind me, placing himself near the window and yawning once more. "Maybe I should go?" I quietly questioned as I turned to face him, finding him remarkably close, our noses nearly touching.

His fingers wrapped around a lock of my hair and he played with it. "Stay and snuggle for awhile?" The closeness of our bodies made my heart do crazy acrobatics in my chest and I shivered, praying that he couldn't feel my heart rapping against my chest and touching his.

Pulling me closer, he asked, "Are you cold?"

"Nah, I'm fine," I answered. The slight waver in my voice went unnoticed.

Reaching down, he took the blanket that his Nana Whitlock crocheted for him right before he came to school and wrapped it around the both of us.

I exhaled a shaky breath and buried my face into his chest so he couldn't see me. My body showed the emotions that I was trying so hard to hide. I spoke, my voice muffled by his shirt, "You're the best, you know?"

He rested his face against my hair and snuggled around me, closer and tighter. "You're _my_ best, you know?" His words were slurred with sleep though it wasn't even midnight.

We were both quiet for awhile and a bit later he mumbled, "Sleep." When I started to pull away, his arms tightened around me, imprisoning me. He followed his one word declaration with a one word question.

"Stay?"

And I did.

* * *

**KrisBCullen **is my sunshine.**  
LoreliD, TheHeartofLife, ElleCC and Miztrezboo** make me happy.

Bored on a Tuesday night leads to an early update. Let me know what you think of the chapter – I usually send teasers with my replies. :) Thank you so much for all those who are reading, alerting, and faving.

Oh! The Twilight 25 challenge will be coming to an end April 1st. My story will **NOT** - I fail on the time management. Note to self, you can't write a 25 chapter story in three months. No worries though, I plan to continue and write the complete story.

**Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about – The Beatles**


	12. Help!

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Obsession  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

Chapter 12 – Help!  
1999

The campus library was not working its usual _comfort mojo_ on me. Usually I went there if I needed to escape everyone. Besides the Greek pledge classes who were forced there for study hours, it was mostly desolate. I was used to the library being soothing and lovely and book smell-y.

In the thick of midterms, it was sorely lacking all three of those components.

The Clearwater library, which was named after an alumnus who donated an exorbitant amount of money to the school, was crawling with students. It was something that I quickly learned _only_ happened on campus around midterms and finals. The tension in the air was thick, which was definitely _not_ soothing or lovely. And as for the book smell? It had been masked by the smell of eau de students. A nice musky combination of coffee, food, stale beer and the ever-present B.O. Oh yes, I couldn't wait for midterms to be over so I could once again re-establish my claim over the library. I wondered if I could take a page from the fraternity brothers and play "Closing Time," while pushing the interlopers all out the door.

Jasper, Peter, Lucy and I stood near the elevators on the third floor landing, looking around in amazement at the sheer volume of students in the place. I started panicking when I saw that all of my favorite tables were taken.

"Okay kids, here's what we've got to do. We need to split up and circle. We'll stalk a table like people stalk parking spots at the mall during the holidays. When you find one, tell your partner to go get the others. Got it?" Lucy paced in front of us like she was our drill sergeant, sending us into the war zone.

Following Lucy's instructions, Peter and I walked one way while Lucy and Jasper went in the other direction. While I searched, I flipped through my note cards, studying all the while. There was a nearly a brawl between Lucy and some girl over a recently vacated table but Jasper swooped in and calmed them both down. Crisis averted, we procured the table and settled down for a long study session.

Books were spread here, there and everywhere and we hunkered down, talking only when necessary. Food and drink weren't permitted in the library but people smuggled in their favorite provisions and hid them under the tables on their laps with hopes of not getting caught. My reusable coffee mug was sitting on the floor next to my chair leg and Jasper was keeping good with the promise he had made the week prior by getting me cup after cup on his dining card.

A few hours passed and then a few more. Lucy was leaning on the table, head in hand, when she suddenly sat up and slammed her book shut. The noise broke the quiet of the room and caused the rest of us (and those around us) to jump slightly.

"I'm done. There's no room left in my brain for any more information. DONE." Lucy was ranting and we all knew it was best to just sit back a ride it out. "I can no longer look at the words on these pages. They've turned into words that no longer have meaning. What's that phrase again?"

"Semantic saturation," I offered as I held up one of the note cards I was studying for my Semantics midterm with the words on one side and the definition on the other. I put it in the 'definitely know' pile on the right side. I was a fan of the note cards for studying while Lucy was more of a fill the note book with notes over and over in the hopes of retaining through writing. She flipped the note book she was writing in closed with a definitive slap to the table.

"Yes, my brain is overly saturated with information. I'm done for now. If I study any more, I'll start losing things I already know." I knew the feeling and while my brain was getting to that point too, I _needed_ to continue on with the studying. Lucy stood and shoved her books into her bag. "I'll see you back at the room, Bella. I might call Demetri. See if he wants to 'hang out.' If he comes over, I'll message board."

It was common knowledge that Lucy and Demetri were fuck buddies. It was never something that I could do, but I couldn't begrudge the girl for getting her rocks off. At least one of us was. Well, I was. Just not with anyone else. At least we had established a code for the dry erase board that was hung on our door so I'd have the heads up if the dorm room was 'rockin'.'

Peter stood up and gathered his books as well. "I think I'm out, too, guys. Luce, I'll walk with you." With that, they were both gone.

I looked at Jasper, who was casually leaning back in his chair with his feet propped on the window sill, reading a small black and white paperback copy of Ginsberg's _Howl._ I reached over and smacked his foot.

"Hmmm?"

"What class is that for?" I didn't remember him mentioning any English classes.

"Oh, it's not for class. I just wanted to read it."

_Oh, how nice for him. Just catching up a little light reading while the rest of us obsess over the upcoming tests._

He raised an eyebrow at me, resting the book on his leg. "Do you need any help? Want to run through your note cards again?" He glanced at the mess in front of me. "The 'definitely know' pile is getting larger."

"No. What I want is…" I trailed off, raising my eyebrows at him.

He groaned, "Not _again_."

"Yes, _again._"

I pushed my reusable mug from the school store toward him. "Coffee!"

"You should consider slowing down with the coffee," Jasper suggested.

"Your job is to fetch and serve. No commentary. Once you're back, maybe I'll let you help me with the cards again."

He went off grumbling about how lucky he was to be my friend and how kind I was to allow him the opportunity to help me.

I saw Jasper return a bit later and he was walking with a girl from our dorm. _She _had the Marilyn thing down and it didn't look like he was too opposed to the idea of her flirting with him. My stomach churned and again I silently chided myself. _You have no claim to him. _I watched as they chatted for a few minutes before they hugged, then she kissed him on the cheek before heading off in the other direction.

Jasper set the mug of smuggled coffee onto the table in front of me. "Your coffee, madame. Light and sweet. Just like you…" he paused for a moment, "oh wait, that wasn't you. That was this _other_ girl I did a cleanse with. Maybe I should take this to _her._" He went to reach for the mug and I swatted his hand away, picking it up and holding it to my chest.

"Do not joke with me when it comes to coffee. I don't take kindly to it. _Especially _during the most stressful time of my entire life."

He held up his hands in front of him as a shield from my wrath. "Wow. You're fun. If this is how you act during midterms, I can't _wait_ to see you during finals week."

He removed an apple he had smuggled in from his pocket and shined it on his shoulder before taking a bite. Sitting back down in his seat, he looked at my piles of note cards again and offered his help once more.

I put aside my obsessing over the studying for a moment and instead studied his face. He looked fairly relaxed and not at all worried about _his_ upcoming tests. In fact, in the time that we had known each other, I saw him open nary a book and most of the time that we "studied" together, he was helping me. He had already told me that he didn't study much while he was in high school, he never needed to.

"Jasper, why are you here?" I had to know how he came to be at our small school when he clearly could have gone to any school of his choosing, based on solely his academics.

"I didn't know you were studying Existentialism this semester. What class is it for?" He took another bite of his apple, crunching loudly and not caring if he got caught with it.

"No, why are you _here?_" I gestured with a wave of my hand around my chest, our school's name embroidered across the hoodie I had borrowed from him. "Why didn't you enroll somewhere else? An Ivy or somewhere closer to home?"

The looked thoughtful for a moment, mulling the question over in his head. "I'm the first of the Whitlocks to go to college. My parents were thrilled I wanted to go to college but they didn't know where to guide me." He continued after taking another bite of his apple. "I figured that I wanted a change of scenery. My family has been in Texas my entire life and it was all I knew."

I leaned forward on the table, resting my head on my arm.

"I went to my guidance counselor my senior year. Most people had started looking at colleges their junior years but like I said, I didn't really know to do that. The guidance counselor handed me a bunch of brochures from all different colleges. I say the academics here are great but what really drew me here…" he paused.

I leaned forward, interested in what he was about to reveal. "Yeah?" I prodded.

He shrugged. "I liked the brochure."

"You… liked the brochure." I repeated dumbly, just to make sure I heard him correctly.

"Yeah, it had nice pictures and a good layout. And it was printed on recycled paper."

"Important," I said dryly, as I sipped my coffee.

"Very. Plus, after I applied, I was offered a free ride." He said this all very matter-of-factly like it was no big deal.

"So you chose the school because of the pretty pictures and then they said, 'hey, you like our pretty pictures so much, you can come here for _free!'_"

"Pretty much," he deadpanned.

That was Jasper, through and through. It seemed like things just happened for him. He rolled with it and things fell in his lap. I frowned, thinking to myself, _Why can't I be like that?_

"Did I tell you that I'm looking into changing majors?"

I didn't hide the surprise I felt. "Really? Why?"

"Well, I want to study abroad for a semester and the communications department doesn't have a program where I'd like to go, so I thought I'd change majors. Hell, I can always change back if I want to do something else."

Again, that was Jasper. He didn't like where the communications study abroad program was located so instead of just dealing, he'd change his major. He went on to change his major four times throughout his college career and still managed to graduate on time and with honors.

I didn't feel much like studying anymore after hearing that he planned to not only change out of our major but also leave for a semester, so I suggested that we head back to the dorm.

The room was free and clear when I returned and Lucy had left a note on the message board saying she went to Demetri's. _How nice for her. _Yeah, I was a bit bitter.

Sighing, I sat on my bed and decided to try to cram a little bit more in the brain. I opened my book once more, looking at the review sheet that my professor had given out on what we'd need to know for Monday's test. I'd have a whole weekend to study but I wanted to make sure I had everything down.

The phone rang and I reached over, picking it up while flipping the pages of my book.

"You're obsessing again."

I didn't look at him when I answered, "I know."

"Close the book," he directed. I dutifully listened before turning my head to look out the window at him. When he saw that he had my undivided attention, he spoke. "So, I have a proposition for you."

"Really Jasper? I'm not _that_ kind of girl." I'm sure he could see my eye-roll from across the way.

"No? Too bad. I'll mark that off in my little black book," he kidded with me. If we had known, perhaps we wouldn't have been so quick with jokes. "Actually, I was calling to see if you'd be interested in going to a party tomorrow night. Felix called and his house is having a private invite-only party. I think they are trying to see if I'm interested in joining next semester or whenever. Anyway, I was thinking," he paused. "Maybe we could give up the cleanse? The drinking part anyway… just for the night?"

"I'm listening. Go on with the logic." I knew there would be some sort of Jasper-logic involved.

"It's just that you are so focused, so obsessed with the midterms. I think you need to unwind a bit. And they're springing for good alcohol for this."

When I look at the major forks in the road I've encountered in my life, this is one of them. To the right was our path: the cleanse, the camaraderie, the comfortable silences, the watchful glances across the courtyard. This party? It was to the left. I should have gone right. I should have said no. I should have stuck to the cleanse. I should have… He should have… There were so many things that could have avoided this. Instead I agreed.

It was the beginning of the end.

* * *

On Friday **LoreliD,** **TheHeartofLife** and I are posting a hot one-shot (well, two-shot, really) in honor of our beta love, **KrisBCullen**'s, birthday. If you're over 18 and want to check it out, hop on over to our shared fanfic account, **LightHeartLoreli.**

Many thanks to **Miztrezboo **and **ElleCC **for being fantastic and funny pre-readers.

Working hard on the next segment of this story. I just want to make sure that everything jives before I post. Meaning, the next update may or may not happen next Wednesday - depending on how things go. We'll see!

**But now these days are done, I'm not so self-assured – The Beatles**


	13. Why Don't We Do It In the Road

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: rapacious  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

Chapter 13 – Why Don't We Do It in the Road  
1999

The beginning of the evening was much like the end.

I stood in the room, nearly naked.

_Scritch scritch scrrrrrritch. _

"Um, Bella? You've been staring at your open dresser drawer for the past three and a half minutes." Lucy was lying on her bed, head resting on her hands, with a book in front of her. She'd been taking notes and I'd been listening to her pen move across the page instead of figuring out what I was going to wear that evening to this _thing._

Murmuring, I didn't really answer and she went back to her notes, s_critching _away. I chewed my lip and stared some more at my dresser. I stood there, imagining the clothes would just jump out and hop onto my body a la Mary Poppins, where the toys just put themselves away. When that didn't happen, I finally turned to her. "What are you supposed to wear to a private party at a fraternity house?"

She sat up and slammed her books shut quickly, as though she had been just waiting for me to ask. "Finally!" She was next to me in an instant. "Okay, so is it a date party?"

"Uh… well, I'm going with Jasper. But not as his date. As his friend."

"Rigggght." She patted my bare shoulder. "Semantics. Good luck with that. Anyway, are _they_ calling it a date party?"

"I don't know _what _they're calling it; all I know is that it's a private party at their house. We are going to be _upstairs _rather than down in the dungeon."

"Ooh la la, that _is _fancy. That sounds like quite an event; clear plastic cups instead of the colored ones and _everything_," she quipped as she raised an eyebrow and sorted through my shirts.

"Well aren't _you _singing a different tune from the first week of school? I remember the days of heels and purses to the dungeons."

"Live and learn, B." She walked to her closet and pulled out a chiffon blouse. "You aren't going to the pit of despair _tonight_, though. Pair this with jeans. Fancy yet comfortable so you aren't too overdressed but you'll be a bit dressier than average. You'll also need to upgrade your normal shoe choice, so let's start that debate now rather than before you leave."

I dressed, and Lucy and I were having the ever-so-important shoe discussion when Makenna threw the door open. It was common practice for people to forgo knocking. "Girlfriends! Maria and I are taking a study break from French. We are famished so we figured we'd call for Chinese. You interested?"

I saw who I assume to be Maria behind Makenna and recognized her from the library the previous day. _She_ was the one working her Marilyn bedroom eyes on Jasper. _She _had been talking to Jasper.

Lucy was talking but I'd been slyly staring down Maria so I'd missed part of what she was saying. "…Bella's going out with Jasper in a bit."

Maria piped up then. "Oh, you know Jasper?" Her eyes widened slightly and she giggled while whispering something into Makenna's ear. There is nothing I hate more than people who whisper in front of me. _Rude._

"He's a good friend." _God, what is wrong with me? Stake your claim. Oh, that's right, you don't have one._ "You know him?" I asked, knowing full-well that she did after seeing them together in the library. I just didn't now exactly how well. Jasper seemed to know everyone to some extent.

She smiled and shot Makenna a look. "A little, but I'd like to know him _more._ He has this weird time thing, likes to meet on odd numbers."

I opened my mouth and then closed it again, afraid that if I said something it wouldn't be anything nice and I remembered that old adage.

Lucy wasn't about to let it slide though, and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder like a proud parent sending her child off to prom. "He's taking Bella to a _date_ party. They are _very _good friends." Leave it to Lucy to stake my non-existent claim for me.

Makenna and Maria disappeared to order their Chinese soon after and Lucy grumbled an apology about speaking on my behalf but it didn't really sound as though she was very sorry. Turning her attention back to the task at hand (me) it wasn't long before she had properly primped me, thrown me in some of her favorite "fuck me" heels and sent me on my way out the door with a slap on my ass. I met Jasper in the courtyard (at 8:42) and he looked at me funny for a moment before gallantly offering his arm. With a grand sweeping gesture of my hand, I explained my outfit and hair away with a single word: "Lucy."

Felix was waiting on the steps of the porch of the house with his girlfriend, Gianna, when we got there. He had his arm slung over her shoulders and she was wearing his jacket. When he saw us approaching, he stubbed his cigarette out on the step before standing to greet us.

Felix ushered us inside and I chatted with Gianna while Jasper made the rounds and said hello to most of the brothers, meeting a few that he didn't know along the way. After Jasper was done with his "meet the brothers" experience, he returned to my side. Felix threw his arms around both of our shoulders and led up into the room that houses both the beer pong table and the bar. Raising his chin, he motioned to the pledge behind the bar and told him to hook us up with whatever we wanted. Handing us our cups he jovially exclaimed, "Fuck the cleanse!"

I raised my eyebrows at Felix's knowledge of the cleanse and Jasper just shrugged. We echoed his toast together, short and to the point, before we clinked the plastic cups together. While they had sprung for the good beer and hard alcohol, at the end of the day we were still drinking out of plastic cups.

We quickly drained our cups, smiling at each other while we did so. It had been nearly two months since either of us had anything to drink and we knew that our tolerance would not be what it once was. It should have been an indication to slow down when I felt slightly buzzed after that first drink, but I was foolish, so instead I made my way to the bar and asked for another one.

Gianna appeared by my side and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to a rickety tray table where a loose-leaf paper held a place of honor. "Bella," she grabbed my hand with hers and got down on one knee, "will you do me the honor of being my partner during beer pong?"

I tried to pull her up off her knee but she remained firm in her proposition stance. I'm sure looked as uncertain as I felt. "I don't know if you'll _want_ to be my partner, Gianna. I've never played before and I'm not exactly… athletic."

Jasper snorted from where he sat on the couch with Felix. I shot him the patented death glare. "Sweetheart, you admitted it yourself. And I seem to remember your shocked look when you pitched my Black and Milds when we first met."

"It's one thing to be self-deprecating. It's another for _you_ to imply it!"

Gianna had already released my hand and was putting our names down on the list after Jasper and Felix's. She leaned into me and whispered, "Nurse that drink. They'll continue to get shit-faced and we'll have the advantage of being less drunk. Show a little cleavage while we are playing and we're golden." Gianna had obviously done this a few times.

Slowly, they made their way down the list to where Felix and Jasper's names were. I had taken Gianna's advice and nursed my beverage. Well, actually, I had nursed a _few_, entirely missing the point of Gianna's message, and I could feel the alcohol hitting me regardless of the slow pace.

Before long, it was Jasper and Felix's turn at beer pong and I paid careful attention while they played, watching Jasper as he concentrated on sinking the balls into the cups in front of the opposing team. At one point, both he and Felix both hit cups so they were able to have a second turn. There were a lot of rules for a game that involved throwing plastic balls into plastic cups. Gianna leaned over to me when she saw the look on my face. "Don't worry, I'll keep you updated on what's going on. It looks like Jasper and Felix are going to win so we'll just use our feminine charms to our advantage."

"That might work for you but I'm not certain it will fly for me."

Gianna let out a snort of laughter and glanced over at Jasper who was watching us. "Bella, you're not going to have _any _trouble."

As Gianna had predicted, we were standing across the table from them in minutes. We played decently although they still beat us. During Jasper's turns, the ball kept coming dangerously close to my chest and then I realized that was on purpose. Mock glaring at him, I put my hands on my hips and admonished him. "Backboard," was his explanation.

"Drunk," I shot back at him.

After playing beer pong for awhile and both being ousted from our spots in the tournament, we wandered away from the table. Nudging my shoulder with his, he leaned to rest his head near the crook of my neck. "Are you having fun? Relaxing?"

"Chillin' like a villain."

"Oh dear god, you're wasted."

I giggled.

"The giggle only confirms it!" He reached over and tickled my side and instead of pulling away like I normally did, I leaned into him more, wanting to feel his fingers closer and against my skin. "Damn, I fucking _need_ a cigarette right about now."

I shrugged. "Do it. We're breaking the drinking part, why not go for the smoking as well?"

We shared a cigarette that we bummed from Felix as we moved outside to sit on the porch as we watched the rain beating on the pavement of the street. I sat on one of the lower steps, while Jasper sat behind me, acting as my own personal chair. I slipped Lucy's shoes off, giving my feet a much need respite.

He looked at the cigarette that was making a slow burn toward the filter before taking a long swig of his beer. "Well, you know what's left, right?"

Suddenly the wind picked up and the rain that had been falling in front of us began to blow under the awning shielding the steps and onto the two of us. Holding my shoes, I rose to my feet and turned to face him. He was looking up at me, and seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"Rain," I said. _Rain? He's staring at me with an expectant look in his eye and I say "Rain"? I'm an idiot._ The lessons from our speech class came flooding back to me, and I decided to stop being me, just for one brief moment. I held my hand out to help him up from the steps. I moved slowly up the steps, stopping at the step above his with purpose, and gave him a look. My eyelids were heavy and I wanted to believe I had some of the _Marilyn mojo_ going for myself that night. I whispered into his ear loudly over the rain, "Well, maybe we'll just have to go three for three."

I looked for his reaction. Looked to see if he was going to take the bait or if I was going to be cast aside. Because I wanted this. Wanted _him_. And I had to believe that in that moment, he wanted me too. Not just a body, not just a girl. _Me._

As he stood there on the step below me, we were able to face each other, nose to nose. He froze for a minute and I thought in my drunken mind that that was_ it_, he was turning me down. My eyes automatically looked down at the worn wooden planks below my bare feet and I was trying to work through the emotions of feeling rejected when I felt his hand on the back of my head. His eyes flashed before mine for an instant before I squeezed mine shut and we were kissing, our lips mashed together before parting and deepening the kiss. The rain seemed to pick up the pace in how it fell and it spurred our kiss into a frenetic pace as well. All I could focus on was how good his lips felt, finally pressed against mine and the sound of the drops falling, heavy on the earth around us.

When it seemed like I might pass out from lack of oxygen, he tore his lips away from mine. Although we were under the overhang of the porch, it did nothing to keep us protected. "Fuck, we are playing with fire here, Bella."

He grabbed the back of my head and once more, our tongues danced together. My mind tried valiantly to race and overanalyze everything but the alcohol aided in shutting that process down. Instead all I could do was feel and be, and there was no place I would rather have been. I had wanted this to happen for so long and it finally was. I couldn't get enough of the feeling. My hands grasped the back of his shirt and I never wanted to let go of it. Of him.

Once more he tore his mouth away from mine, panting, as the rain took it's time sliding down us. Taking the shoes out of my hand, he placed them on each foot, calling me Cinderella. It was nearly midnight and he said he needed to get me home, to his bed. Before I had time to say anything, I was on his back while he weaved his way through the campus, toward his room.

* * *

Thanks to my idea bouncer, fantastically wonderful beta, KrisBCullen. These kids wouldn't be where they are without her holding my hand and I appreciate her more than words can express.

The usual suspects – the pre-readers – TheHeartofLife, LoreliD, ElleCC, and Miztrezboo. You girls make me gigglesnort and blush with the comments. ILY.

**No one will be watching us – The Beatles**


	14. I Want You She's So Heavy

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Slip  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

I Want You (She's So Heavy)  
1999

_I stood in the room, nearly naked._

We'd taken far longer to get back to the dorm than we would have without the elements, shoes, and drunken piggybacks working against us. Plus the fact that while he ran through the campus, I kept slapping his ass and hollering "giddy up!" which slowed us down considerably. Each time I did it, he'd start chuckling, shaking his head at my antics and weaving back and forth.

By the time he stumbled up to the door, the rain had soaked us both to the skin. Still on his back, I took his key from his pocket and reached around his body to unlock the door. He used his foot to kick it open and scurried inside, the heavy metal door slamming behind us. Instead of placing me down on my feet once we had arrived in the stairwell, he drunkenly attempted to piggyback me up the steps. I managed to gasp out a breathy "TIM-BERRRRR" in between peals of laughter as we teetered backwards, ending our graceful fall lying splayed out together on the steps. Somehow, I managed to end up next to him instead of underneath him, and we laughed so hard we couldn't breathe. That we weren't seriously injured was proof that God does indeed look out for drunks and children. The sounds of our joined amusement bounced around the stairwell, echoing and making it last longer than it would have otherwise.

I wasn't exactly certain how it happened. One moment, I was lying on the steps, massaging the stitch in my side caused by my continuous laughter, and the next moment, I was sitting on the steps with him, much as we had been at the fraternity house. I shivered as the palm of his hand brushed my cheek. My eyes automatically closed as his face moved closer, our noses touching first and then both of us tilting our heads so that our lips could meet once again. The slow burn of kisses between us heated quickly and soon he was pulling me into his lap. I straddled his legs, not able to get close enough to him.

"Upstairs," he rasped and quickly stood, grabbing the key from my hand and pulling me behind him to his room on the second floor. In the empty hallway, he fumbled with his key for a moment while I stood behind him, hugging him and pressing my cheek to his back. My fingers ran over his shirt, near his pecs, and I could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest. I wondered if he could feel mine slamming against _my_ chest and _his_ back.

The door squeaked open and we both fell into the room, the door quickly slamming behind us, effectively shutting out the rest of the world. _Our bubble. _We were there once more, only this time we were doing something we'd never discussed, even though it was something I had thought about on more than one occasion. My mind began to catch up with our actions and I opened my mouth to speak. He must have known that I was going to say something that might break the spell because his fingers were against my lips, silencing me, and then his lips were against mine once more.

I tried not to think about the moment being fleeting. I tried not to think at all. Told my brain to shut off and be quiet for this. For me. For us. In that moment, I was intently focused solely on feeling. Feeling his hands tangle themselves in my hair, heavy with rainwater. Feeling him pull my head back lightly, giving him access to the delicate skin hidden there. I trembled slightly at his ministrations and he paused.

"You must be freezing."

I lowered my eyes and looked at my hand resting on his hip. "I don't think that's why I'm trembling." A drop of rain water slid from my hair and onto his arm. I watched it as it glided along his skin and fell to the berber carpet.

He slowly brought his hand up to the top button of my shirt, gently tracing it with a thoughtful expression. "Even still. May I?"

I breathed out a soft _yes_ in response and the layer of fabric that separated us was gone. Just as quickly, the shirt that he was wearing was over his head and on the floor, his pants joining it soon after.

Clumsily, my fingers worked hard to unbutton and unzip my jeans. I bent to push them down my legs. Or _attempted _to push them down my legs but nearly fell over as the wet denim stuck to my skin, making it nearly impossible to get them off gracefully. Jasper caught me as I pitched forward, holding me against him for a moment before helping me, mumbling under his breath that he didn't trust me to do it myself. His eyes roamed over my body. For a split second, I felt self-conscious standing in front of him, exposed. While I was in a state of undress and drunkenness, I was sure that my emotions were much easier to read as well.

I stood in the room, nearly naked.

Ragged breaths filled the air as he pressed his chest to mine. Against my back I felt the terry-cloth robe and towel that hung on the door. My mind might not have been totally in tune with its usual overthinking, but it did decide to focus on one important detail.

"Peter."

"Nooo, I'm _Jasper_."

For a moment again, we were _us._

I rolled my eyes at him and pushed lightly against his chest. My words were slightly slurred as I asked, "Are you expecting Peter to return tonight?"

He pulled my hand from his chest and wrapped it behind his neck. His hand once more returned to my body, tracing the lace on the cup of my bra. "He's home for the weekend." The message was clear: _we won't be interrupted._ My eyes followed his fingers as they brushed the black lace and purple satin and I sucked in a deep breath. He became bold and the fingers slipped under the material of one cup; my breath expelled in a fast, shaky _whoosh_. I couldn't look up, couldn't look into his eyes because I was afraid of what they might be lacking; so instead I continued to watch his fingers instead as they took their tentative journey.

His other hand snaked around my back, undoing the clasp of my bra with a skilled flick of his fingers. I didn't want to dwell on how he'd developed such a talent. At least I knew he'd been celibate in the time since we'd met, and I preferred not to think about how often he'd need to have done that to get as good at it as he seemed to be. Our skin collided and simultaneously, we suddenly both rushed to be everywhere, the slowness from when we first entered the room evaporating along with the rain water from our skin.

He sucked on my lower lip before our teeth clashed and our tongues met once more, dancing in and out of each others mouths. He took clumsy steps backwards as we tumbled together toward his unmade bed. My lips were on his neck and I couldn't get enough of his skin. Skin that tasted like salt and rain water, and smelled like a mix of him and party combined: sandalwood, Marlboros, and beer. He fell backward, taking me with him and hitting his head on the window sill directly next to his bed. "Shit."

I immediately stopped my kissing and moved up to sit at the head of his bed and examined. Fingers raked through his hair and he moaned at the sensation. _Yup, he's fine. _"What's the damage, Dr. Bella?"

"I think you'll live," I said, as I used the moonlight that peeked in around the closed shade as a nightlight to peer at his head. His head rested in my lap and I looked down at him, finally allowing my eyes to meet his.

Our eyes locked and I know what I _thought_ I saw there. I didn't know if he was looking for it as well, but I knew he would find it mirrored in my eyes. It was more than lust, more than a passing moment and exactly what I was trying to hide from myself and from him.

Dragging my eyes away, I leaned toward his dresser and pressed play on the offending stereo that had hurt him only a month prior. It seemed so long ago. Settling back onto the bed next to him, our eyes met once more and my mouth began to form words before my brain had processed what I would say.

"Jasper, I-"

Once again, I cut myself off, snapping my mouth shut. I stopped myself from saying anything that might break the spell. He looked at me curiously, his eyes asking silent questions, before shrugging and grabbing the back of my head. His fingers wound tightly into my hair, and crushed me to him, our lips colliding full-force. The sudden motion effectively stopping me from saying whatever it was I was going to say in that moment. Our kisses slipped from harsh and needy, to languid and slow. Our hands explored each other's bodies and roamed from chests to arms to backs to faces while our legs tangled. His hands found their way to my face, cupping my cheeks gently before finally pulling back.

He looked like he was about to start with the talking.

I could tell from the look in his eyes that he was going to get serious on me, so instead my hands finally flitted down, reaching between us to the last two offending items keeping us apart. Finally my mind synched up with my body and, while I realized that I didn't know what the hell was going to happen, I didn't want to give him the chance to change his mind. I just wanted him.

I raised my ass and hips off the bed, skimming my panties down my legs, sitting up to kick them off my feet when they reached the end. Noticing my moments, he quickly followed and his boxers were tossed haphazardly onto the floor.

Lying back down next to him, I didn't hesitate as I ran my fingers down his body. He cursed as my hand wrapped around him. The alcohol gave me courage I might have otherwise lacked and I teased him, moving my hand slowly. When I started moving up and down his shaft faster, he grabbed my wrist, stopping me. I thought I might have done something wrong, that I might have hurt him. When I whispered my thoughts to him with tears in my eyes, he repeated the words he'd said to me at the black light mixer. _There was nothing wrong about it, I'd done everything_ _right _and it felt a little_ too _good.

Instead, he put my hand on his chest and reached down between us, his hand skimming my thighs before touching me. His fingers drew heat and wetness and moans, none of which I could control even if I had wanted to.

At the beginning of the year, Emmett had hosted a safe sex mixer for the dorm as one of his programs. Emmett had joked and handed us each a strip of five condoms, saying that we'd have to hold onto them and hopefully use them before they were expired. Jasper had muttered something about growing a rubber tree as he tossed them underneath his bed. Now, his fingers grasped blindly and triumphantly found two.

He quickly ripped one square from the other and chucking the other on the sill next to him. Without pretense, he ripped open the wrapper and leaned back on his heels. We both watched as he rolled the condom on, my eyes following his fingers as he sheathed himself. Once it was in place, he moved so that he was leaning over me, propped up by his hands. His intense stare broke my thoughts and he asked lowly, "You sure?"

Despite the alcohol spurring me on, in the back of my mind, I wasn't sure about anything. Instead of saying that, I reached between our bodies, grasping him and guided him inside, sending a completely different message. It had been a long time for both of us and he moved slowly at first so my body could adjust to him as I whimpered, first in pain at the fullness and soon after in pleasure.

The following morning I lied, saying that I didn't remember details. I remembered it all. Everything. I could hear the rain beating heavily against the window panes. The Beatles song that played softly and sang to us. The feel of his lips whispering the lyrics _I want you so bad, it's driving me mad_ against my skin. The roughness of his legs against the smoothness of mine. The soft sound of our bodies pushing together, over and over. My back pressed against the afghan that his Nana had made for him and my fingers clutching the crocheted holes.

He pressed his warm lips to my ear and whispered hot words to me: _so good_ and _amazing_ and _not going to be able to last long._

He didn't.

But neither did I.

It was over before it really begun. Sobriety and daylight put things into glaring clarity and soon I'd come realize that I didn't really know him.

At all.

* * *

**KrisBCullen **is my lovely and talented beta. I had a lot of hand-holding with this chapter from her and my pre-readers. **LoreliD, TheHeartofLife, ElleCC,** and **Miztrezboo** – I can't say thank you enough. Truly.

Thanks also to those reading and leaving me such thoughtful reviews!

**She's so heavy - The Beatles**


	15. The Night Before

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Restraint  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

Chapter 15 – The Night Before  
1999

John Belushi was staring at me.

I immediately closed my eyes, thinking it was a mistake.

Clearly, the John Belushi poster was a figment of my imagination and not real. It _couldn't_ be real because that would mean that I was in Jasper and Peter's room and _not _my own.

Very slowly, I opened only one eye this time. There he was: John Belushi, as Bluto, wearing his COLLEGE sweater and staring at me in disbelief.

_I know, Bluto. Feeling about the same right now. Stop looking at me like that._

I was naked as the day I was born and wrapped in Jasper's arms. I lay there, blinking at John and trying to figure out what the hell to do next, what to say when Jasper eventually woke up. There was no way I'd be able to go back to sleep. The thought that rushed to the forefront of my mind was: _Shit. Shit. Shit. _Followed closely by: _Did that really happen? Did we really just do that?_

Once those two thoughts were firmly established in my mind, they began tripping over each other, attempting to rewind and replay everything that happened the prior night. For once in my life, I actually wished I was one of those people who could just wake up the next morning and say they blacked out. I always remembered _everything_, no matter how much I had to drink. Usually I considered it a blessing because I'd remember funny drunk conversations or stupid things that others had done.

Now it appeared that_ I_ was the stupid one.

We went from nothing to everything and back again in the span of six hours and I was feeling like a world-class schmuck for letting it happen. Fearful that it could change everything our relationship was built on and nearly sure that it would.

I felt him shift behind me and he groaned as he stretched his arm, his hand grasping my hip. I felt him stiffen when he realized that I was there next to him and he wasn't alone in his bed. "Oh shit," he breathed out. Scared to look, I stayed on my side and took deep even breaths, trying to make it look like I was still sleeping. I heard him groan again as he removed his hand from my skin and put it up across his eyes, attempting to keep the light out that was filtering around the drawn shade next to him.

"I feel like ass. Sunday, a little help here?"

I turned so I was lying on my back next to him, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars that were now just a pale yellow outline on the ceiling. Resistance was futile and I knew that I wouldn't be able to pull off fake sleeping any longer. I couldn't look at him; I didn't trust myself to look at him. I found my voice. "Did we…" I croaked out, trailing off, not truly speaking the words and _outright _lying about not remembering.

"_Did we?"_ Those two words hung in the air between us, separating us from each other. I _knew_ what we had done. I could remember every hazy moment of it. My heart pounded in my chest, begging to come out. My heart wondered why I was lying when _it_ knew the truth, and why I was denying its feelings.

_Self-preservation, Heart. Self-preservation. _I refused to be _that girl,_ if that was the direction it was heading.

"I… _shit_… we shouldn't have… I didn't mean for this to happen. I just wanted you to relax a little. You were so stressed and I wanted you loosen up." He sat up slowly and ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it, I thought that a night out, forgetting the cleanse and the stress of midterms and I…" his voice and thoughts were disjointed. Trying to get a read on his emotions, I thought it would be best to take my cues from him. But it seemed like he was just as freaked out as I was.

I didn't know _what_ do to.

So I hid.

Hid those true emotions, the ones that were screaming at me that they wanted to come out and tell him how I truly felt. Pushed them down, covered them up, and locked them away. While he got up and threw on some clothes, I angrily wiped a tear away and willed them to stop while he wasn't paying attention. There would be time for those later. In that moment, I just needed to restrain myself and perform a little song and dance to get myself out of there in one piece. I would deal with the emotions later.

I held the crocheted blanket around my body, feeling as though I was sullying it with the act we had committed, and asked quietly, "Jasper, would you mind getting…" as I waved my hand toward the large bottle of Tylenol that sat on his desk across the room.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course."

He grabbed some Tylenol and pulled the Brita pitcher from the small dorm-sized fridge. He poured the water into his favorite mug and offered it to me. His eyes flitted down to my body wrapped in the afghan and muttered, "I'll hit the head and give you a moment." I nodded, not looking up.

Stopping with his hand on the door handle he turned and asked, "We're okay, right?" His words were asking one thing but my ears were hearing something else entirely. The tone of his voice was non-Jasper-like. A little on edge, a little off.

Looking past him, garnering strength from John/Bluto and his look of defiance, I spoke. "Yeah. Everything's okay." Then, because I need him to take the lead and to give me some indication of his feelings and because he asked about us being okay, I bit the bullet and forced the words out of my mouth. "Jasper? I know now might not be the right time to ask, but… um… what are we doing here?"

He paused, not saying anything.

_Nothing_ was the wrong answer.

He whistled lowly and leaned against the door. "Shit, Swan, I don't know. Let's talk about this when we both have our heads on straight. Maybe get breakfast or something?"

_He called me Swan instead of Bella._

I nodded my head, when all I wanted to do was shake. Maybe I should have said more right then and there, but I didn't. Instead he said he'd be back before swinging the squeaky door open and walking out to the bathrooms.

As soon as the door clicked shut, I scrambled out of the bed and began gathering up my clothing from where it had come to rest the night before. I didn't know how long Jasper would be gone but I really wanted to be in a state of _dress _by the time he returned. It might make it easier to talk that way.

My jeans were easily found, since they had simply been pushed off while we stood near the end of the bed. Lucy's shirt had landed in the middle of the room, but my bra had apparently made it all the across to the doorway when he pulled that slick one-handed maneuver. Finally, I found my panties near the side of his bed, just barely peeking out from underneath. _Must have gotten pushed under there during the Great Condom Hunt._ I sat on his bed and snapped the clasp of the bra behind my back before sliding on my underwear. As I stood to pull on my jeans, my eyes focused on the single condom that sat on the window sill.

One.

We'd been given five at the program.

So _why_ was there only one?

My brain raced to make sense of this. I was never good at math but even I could surmise that something was amiss.

_Five given out at the program. Minus one used last night. One on the window sill. Where are the other three condoms?_

I dropped to my knees and placed a hand on the mattress for support as my eyes searched frantically to and fro. My hand swept under the bed, looking for those other three condoms. It returned with nothing.

Again, tears threatened to fall as I stood up hastily and threw on my shirt. My fingers felt fat and awkward as they tried their hardest to push the small, blurry buttons into their proper place.

_Where are the other three? _

My body moved on autopilot, moving as quickly as my hung-over self could move, my mind pushing it along. _Flee flee flee._

Things were _not_ going to be okay.

_We_ were _not_ going to be okay.

I wasn't going to allow myself to be _that girl _again. My relationship in high school with James ended when he no longer wanted a monogamous relationship and instead of breaking it off right then and there, I returned to him. Again and again. Only making myself look and feel like a fool in the long run.

My mind raced and I couldn't help but think about the missed hints. People knowing about the cleanse. The shared glances and the quiet smiles at our "vow." Did they all know something? Maria and her knowledge of the quirky time thing. How would she _know _that unless they were meeting somewhere for something? Did they know Jasper as well as I did… better apparently?

I was dressed by the time he returned and pulling my hair back into a low ponytail. _Keep it together, Bella._ _"_So, I'm just going to head back to my room. Maybe sleep a few hours and then study some more for the tests I have tomorrow."

He brought is hand to the back of his head. "I… um. Okay." He stood by the doorway as I walked toward it. _What does one do in a situation like this?_

Reaching out, I gave him a quick hug, restraining myself from holding on too close or for too long and trying to make the event more than what it was.

"I'll… right. Okay, so we'll talk later?" I could feel the pull of his eyes, the curious stare, the silent questions that I wasn't prepared to answer.

So I lied again, bolder this time. My fake smile was an overt act of deceit. "Yeah. Later." _Could I possibly pull off sounding nonchalant? _"Hey, it happens. Right? We went for the gusto and decided to break all three of our cleanse rules together. No big?"

_Liar!_ It was the _biggest_ of the bigs. It was _huge._ I was making it seem like it was nothing to me, because, if this was how he really operated, I knew that he didn't feel the same for me. I already knew that I couldn't do the whole 'friends with benefits' thing because I'd only be hurting myself in the long run. That sort of thing only worked if certain emotions weren't involved and I knew mine already were.

"Right. I'll call later. Or something." I wasn't sure I would. It was my way. Things get difficult, I shut down. We fucked up, I shut down.

Ducking out of the room, I hastily walked toward the stairwell. I skipped putting Lucy's heels back on, figuring that since I was officially in "walk-of-shame hell," the heels would just slow me down. I wanted to make it to the sanctuary of my room as fast as I could and I knew that heels on the stairs would only slow my progress. Plus, I knew that walking in the shoes might result in tripping on the stairs and breaking my neck. The ambulance and ensuing commotion would certainly undermine my attempt at a _stealthy _getaway.

Of course, the fates had a little chat and decided to screw with me some more. When I swung the stairwell door open, Emmett was standing there with a bag of his laundry.

"Bella? You look…" he trailed off, his eyebrows raised with concern. I knew what I looked like. I looked like someone doing the walk of shame from her best guy friend's room.

I didn't say anything. Just looked at him with what I imagined was a pathetic and pleading expression, conveying that I needed to get out of there. He held the door open with his foot and let me pass by.

"Hey. If you ever need to talk, I'm here. You know that, right? Confidential and free of charge, kid."

His words only caused the emotions to bubble inside of my chest more. _Pity. He pities me. _I had to get out of there. I choked out, "Thanks, Em," before continuing down the steps.

I reached the bottom of the steps and stopped. Composing myself, I decided to put the shoes on before walking outside. Perhaps people would think that I was an early riser, although I knew that on Sunday the only people who got up early were those trying to fight the crowds in the laundry room or those going to church. I was clearly not carrying anything laundry-related, so I couldn't pretend to be one of those people. Certainly the guilt I knew was etched on my face proved my soul needed saving, but I wasn't really dressed appropriately to get that at church, so I wasn't one of them either.

Pushing my body weight against the stairwell door, I walked out into the harsh glare of the sun-drenched courtyard. Mercifully, it was mostly empty and I teetered across the span of the courtyard quickly before reaching my own stairwell door. When I was safely inside the stairwell, I took the shoes off once more and ascended the steps toward my final destination.

The door to my room was locked and I slowly turned the key, trying my best to remain quiet so I wouldn't disturb Lucy. I was half undressed when I glanced over to see her shift in her bed, flipping over and snuggling with her stuffed animal. I paused, frozen in place to see if she would stir. When I was sure she had settled, I resumed removing my clothes and slipped into pajamas. I was able to restrain my tears until I was where no one could see.

The comforter on my bed did not comfort as I hid myself beneath.

* * *

**KrisBCullen **helps me in every aspect, not just betaing. There aren't enough words to thank her.**  
TheHeartofLife, ElleCC, Miztrezboo, & LoreliD **push me forward gently and encourage.  
I write with a few friends under the penname **LightHeartLoreli**.

Thank you so much to those who read and leave me lovely reviews. I cherish them more than you could possibly realize.

**Treat me like you did the night before – The Beatles**


	16. Yesterday

For **BohemianBuffalo** who graduated today. Congrats sis.

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Fragments  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Yesterday**

**2006**

Memory is a slippery thing, hard to hold onto. Why was it so easy to remember some things and not others? I'm able to remember so clearly the _before._ But the _after_? That night, the night of the _mistake_, is like a dam in the stream. Smooth and clear leading up to it, but then what spills over the top is churning and overwhelming. The time after that night has always come to me in fragments. Jumbled thoughts are present, only showing themselves randomly and when I least expect them.

Of course I should have handled things differently. I was young and I was awkward and I didn't know how to deal. So instead of confronting Jasper, I pulled away. I said nothing. I didn't focus on the two solid months of friendship. Instead, I obsessed over the missing condoms and the unanswered questions, the awkward pauses and the long stares.

The opportunities were there. They presented themselves over and over, openly mocking me with my cowardice. In the back of my head, I knew that I should talk to him.

But I didn't.

I ran. What's more is, I ran… and he didn't follow. As much as I didn't talk to him, he didn't talk to me either. And that spoke volumes.

Here we are, all these years later with uncomfortable silences, unsaid words, and unspoken bonds that despite everything, tie us together. In essence, I'm still running. Fate kept him close at my heels, but we're as far apart today as we were in the immediate _after _of yesterday.

**1999**

Lucy woke up later that morning, brimming with questions about the date party. She didn't know when I had snuck in the room, didn't realize that it had been mere hours since I tiptoed back to my bed. Considering that she didn't know _that, _I focused on telling her about the actual events of the date party and _not _what happened after.

I continued playing hide and seek with my emotions. I feigned being physically ill and stayed in bed the majority of the day. I croaked out the story, wrapped up in my comforter and felt bad when she bought everything I said (and didn't say), hook, line, and sinker. She made me a Lipton meal of Pasta Alfredo in her contraband crock pot and shooed our floormates away. She took care of me.

I kept the shade pulled and when Jasper called later that day, Lucy lied and told him I was sleeping because I asked her to.

She ran her fingers through my hair and did not ask questions.

**2006**

"You've been quiet lately. Everything okay?"

My finger traced a fold of fabric on his shirt. My eyes stayed trained on the show we were watching, unable to look into his. "I'm okay. Just have a lot on my mind. Work, life in general, there's a lot going on lately."

He ran his fingers through my hair and did not ask questions.

**1999 **

Midterms were a blur. I somehow dealt with them and managed to do well, despite my emotional turmoil and the fact that my mind was not in the classroom but replaying that night and the morning after. The first day back to regular classes, I had to face Public Speaking. Lucy questioned if I was well enough to go and while I would have rather hid in my bed for the rest of my life, I knew I would have to face him eventually. I couldn't avoid him forever, so I decided the best course of action when I finally saw him would be to be act cordial. Not like we had been. Never like we had been.

We didn't have a written exam in Public Speaking but a ten minute persuasive speech. Technically this was my last mid-term. I'd arrived to the class at the last minute, sliding into a seat near the door instead of my normal place in the back, next to Jasper. Thankfully I wasn't scheduled for that day; I would have never gotten through.

I barely paid attention while six students gave their speeches, although you wouldn't have known it. I kept my eyes trained on each speaker while my mind ran wild. I could feel his presence behind me; while I couldn't see him, I spent the entire class thinking _of _him.

When the last student finished, the professor dismissed us. I gathered my notebook and threw it into my bag, attempting to get out of the room before he had a chance to get to me. Apparently my fastest was slow compared to him.

"Bella."

"Hey, Jasper. How goes it?" _How goes it? Really Bella? Best you can do? _

"Okay. Are you walking back to the dorm? Maybe we can walk together?"

Even though I already knew my answer, I pretended to consider his offer. I pushed the words out of my mouth, the sensation of lying to him feeling wrong and heavy on my tongue and in my heart. "Nah, you go ahead. I have to talk to the professor about my speech topic. Maybe we can catch up later." To further my ruse, I waved my hand, shooing him along. Hanging back, my palms pressed into the metal tray of the chalk board, the ridges making indentations on my hands as I silently chided myself for caring so much despite the fact I felt betrayed.

He looked back at me once, before one of the girls from our dorm caught up with him, nudging him with her elbow. I watched him walk out of the room with her.

I silently yelled at myself for being so stupid.

**2006**

Rosalie and I stood together, huddled under the red shingled awning of the restaurant, waiting for Emmett and Edward to bring the car around the block. I giggled as she hummed _November Rain_ under her breath.

She and Emmett had tried very hard not to monopolize the entire dinner conversation with talk of their wedding, but they couldn't help it. Each day brought them closer to the reality of their spring wedding. They were excited and wanted to share their plans.

"Who do you think will be next? You guys or Alice and Jasper?" She raised her eyebrows and her bright eyes flashed from her finger, adorned with a diamond, to my bare one.

I frowned at the question. "Oh Rose, I don't know. He's there. I'm not… yet. Maybe it will be Alice and Jasper."

"Sweetheart. Edward is a great guy and you guys are great together. You've been together for a long time. He's waiting on you and because he's _him_, he'll wait for you to be sure. That's all I'm saying." The words were kind but the look was disapproving.

I silently yelled at myself for being so stupid.

**1999**

Jasper and Maria were standing together in the breezeway. The wind whipped the rain around and into my face, giving me good reason to lower my head and my umbrella, picking up the pace as I walked past. He was laughing at something she had said. It was the low chuckle. The one that I had heard countless times before, when he and I were together. The one that until a month and a half ago, I considered mine but was no longer.

_Maria had mentioned wanting to get to know him better. I guess it's _her_ chuckle now. _

I shook my umbrella out in the stairwell and continued up to my room. When I flopped down on my bed, I could still see them standing there, in the breezeway of the building directly across and under his room. I watched as he ran his hand through his hair and she offered him a cigarette. Interested, I leaned closer, bumping my nose on the glass of the window as I watched him shake his head, refusing the offer.

Then he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and led her inside.

**2006**

We'd been out for drinks after work and wound up walking through the diamond district.

Pulling me tight to his chest, Edward tilted my chin back with his fingers and his lips found mine. Right in the middle of the sidewalk with people walking past us, he kissed me. It was the sort of kiss that we would share while in private, full of heat and passion and commitment. He raised his eyebrows and looked at the store awning next to us before his eyes found mine again, silently asking if I wanted to go inside.

I shook my head, but I knew it wasn't a definitive shake. It was slow and uncertain. As was I. We'd been together for nearly six years and while it wasn't an extraordinarily long time to date before marriage, I needed _more_ time. I knew he was the one for me and one day I would get there. I just wasn't exactly sure when _one day _would be.

"Come on, Bella. Just to _look._ Humor me."

I sighed, feeling the tiny smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "Okay," I conceded, repeating his words back to him. "Just to look."

Then he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me inside.

**1999**

Designated study hours in the dorm loomed over us and an eerie hush had swept the campus as we all prepared for finals.

I was running on fumes, a mix of coffee, adrenaline and the knowledge that soon the semester would be over and I'd have the chance to go home and sleep for a month.

The library had been invaded, yet again, by people who didn't belong. I had spent a lot of time there before, but _after_, it became my sanctuary. It was a safe haven where I could get away from Lucy's perceptiveness and the dorm in general, where I knew that Jasper wouldn't be lurking around the corner. I was able to hide in the stacks, sitting on the floor if I couldn't find a chair, just to be alone with my cd player (which thankfully had the no-skip feature) and my notebooks.

Finally, Lucy cornered me before I left one morning, requesting to meet for a coffee or a lunch date. I felt bad for spending so much time away so I agreed, telling her to catch me after her ten o'clock final exam.

We neared the coffee bar and I raised my head, only to see Jasper, standing at the counter. _Of course, I leave my refuge for two hours and there he is. _The air left my lungs hastily as I turned and pressed myself against the wall near the stairwell.

"I… I forgot to check my mail. Do you want to meet back here?"

I turned and headed back down to the steps, toward the mail room. Lucy bounded down the steps behind me; I could hear her footfalls close behind, her voice following me and surrounding me in the echoing stairwell, making it far louder than it would have been otherwise.

"I never thought I'd see the day when you'd suddenly change your mind about getting coffee but you have and I have a strong feeling it's only because you're trying to avoid Jasper." She finally caught me at the bottom step and she grabbed the strap of my bag, stopping me in my tracks. Using her leverage on the bag, she spun me around to face her.

"You want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

**New Year's Eve 2006**

I finished rinsing the dishes and put the last one into the dishwasher. My foot automatically curled under the door of the dishwasher, lightly tapping it closed. Not ready to join Edward or our company just yet, I rested my hands on the smooth counter top, closing my eyes and trying to pull myself together.

Our New Year's parties had changed drastically in some ways, but not as much as I would have expected given the time that had passed. One of Edward's holiday gifts had been a Nintendo Wii, which meant that everyone had descended on our house for the count down to 2007. Dinner parties, drinking, and playing Wii in our home wasn't too far from the activities of college, yet it_ felt _so different.

I knew I'd been unusually quiet throughout the evening. Interactions with Jasper were still uncomfortable. After the concert in September and the conversation in the car, it had been awhile until we were able to look each other in the eye. Slowly we eased back into the uncomfortable numbness that we shared around each other. The uneasy peace we had found in the intervening years since _that night_ had been shattered, and we were still redefining our truce, albeit without talking to one another.

I heard their voices rise in laughter while Alice groaned in frustration at the game they were currently playing. I knew it would not be long before my absence was conspicuous. The radio station that was playing in the background had switched from a Dave Matthews Band song to an all too familiar Beatles song and it threw me into a tailspin. I just needed a chance to regroup. _Regroup, alone._ Oxymoronic Bella. Or just plain moronic.

"You want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

**Now I need a place to hide away – The Beatles**

**KrisBCullen **makes me think, hope and believe. Thank you for being my beta.  
Pre-readers **LoreliD, TheHeartofLife, ElleCC, and Miztrezboo** went to TOWN on this chapter. I can't say enough about their love and support. Thank you.  
Thank you for reading and I apologize for being MIA the past few weeks. If you haven't already, check out twilightcounsel - more information is in my bio.


	17. I'll Be On My Way

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Honest  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

Chapter 17 – I'll Be On My Way  
1999

"Not here," I pleaded under my breath, looking up the stairs as though he might come down them at any moment. It was a possibility and I didn't want to have more awkward non-communication in the middle of the Student Union.

"Fine." Lucy's short answer let me know that I wasn't getting to run and hide from her any longer. "Get your mail. I'll grab our coffees." My eyes traveled from hers back to the landing once more and with the slight motion, she huffed at my response, rolling her eyes. Lucy's hand snagged the mug that she knew I kept in the side pocket of my bag before she pushed me toward the mailboxes. "Just _go_. I'll swing down to by the mailroom before we head back home."

The tone she used wasn't one I heard often from her, yet she made it crystal clear that there would be no use arguing. We _would_ be talking about it. I was in no hurry as I shuffled off to the wall of mailboxes. I tried to mentally prepare myself for the conversation we'd be having as I took my time turning the combination on the small metal door.

My eyes kept darting toward the stairwell we had just left, scared he might appear. I was scared he might have seen me and decided to finally come after me. Scared that he might not have seen me and would come down those steps and not _want _to see me.

If I was honest with myself, I was just plain scared.

After I checked my mail, I checked Lucy's for her as well, knowing the combination by heart as we'd often checked for one another. Then I waited, my back resting uncomfortably against the wall of metal, the knobs digging into my shoulders. I kept my head down, hoping that Jasper wouldn't find me standing there. Of course, a small part of me wished that he would, and that he'd say the words I wanted to hear and we'd go back to being _us_ again.

It wasn't Jasper but the more predictable Lucy who appeared at the bottom of the stairs once more, a mug in each hand and a scowl on her face. Pushing off the wall, I walked toward her, always on alert and searching to see if he was nearby.

Lucy's exasperated sigh let me know that she was on to me, and pissed by my reaction. "Don't worry, he's not coming this way. He's going to talk to someone at the Registrar's office. He recognized your cup, though."

The fact that he recognized my cup made sense. After all, the green flowered reusable coffee cup was an extension of me and, usually, of my arm.

"Did he-" I started to ask if he had mentioned me or asked where I was, but the look on Lucy's face made me reassess that line of questioning. She and I swapped the contents of our hands, her mail for my coffee, which I gratefully took.

"Let's go home, B. And since you are so fond of the _I Love Lucy_ references: You've got some 'splainin' to do."

We walked in silence, only stopping to briefly talk to Emmett and Rosalie as they headed to the Student Government office at the Student Union. The silence was uncomfortable and I was well aware that I would no longer be able to keep the truth from Lucy. To be honest, I didn't_ want_ to keep it from her any longer. She was forcing me into the conversation, but I was hoping that a fresh perspective from someone who looked at things differently than I did would be what I needed. And maybe, just maybe, I'd listen to what she had to say.

We arrived home, the room which just four months before had been barren and devoid of anything that represented who we were, now adorned with decorations we'd bought together at the campus store and Target. It was ours and for nine months' time, it had turned into our home. It was the safest place to have this conversation and even though it was difficult for me, I knew it was a necessary one.

After we got settled, dropping books and bags on chairs and desks, we dropped ourselves onto my bed. Lucy sat beside me as I was finally truthful, telling her everything about that night. I reminded her of Maria's interest and comments. Told her about our decision to, as we so eloquently toasted, "Fuck the cleanse." I began to explain about the games of beer pong, when Lucy started to complain.

"Bella, you already told me all of this when you told me the details of the date party. How about we fast forward to the part that led to the falling out? You know, the part that you lied about?"

Sighing, I said, "Because that's the hard part."

But despite the difficulty of the conversation, I continued on. Rambled about his need for a cigarette and my stupid suggestion of taking all the cleanse activities out in one fell swoop. She started to squeal about my propositioning him but quickly silenced herself when I gave her a warning look. Lucy gasped as I told her about the kiss on the porch in the rain and the piggy back ride to the dorm.

I got less detailed when I spoke of the events that took place in his room, my eyes trained solely on the coffee cup in my hand. I explained about the condoms we'd gotten at Emmett's program and then told her of the morning after realization that there weren't as many as there should have been.

I started wrapping things up, speaking faster and less coherently when I spoke of waking up next to him naked and Jasper's reaction when he realized that we were in the same bed. My voice began to break when I told her about the regret that tinged his voice and the disjointed thoughts that spewed out from his mouth, telling me that he thought it was all a mistake. I told her of Emmett's look of pity when he realized what had happened and how I figured it came with the knowledge that he, that _everyone_, knew something that I did not.

I was a fool.

She took the coffee mug from my hands and gently placed it on the floor before putting her arms around me. She just held me. My eyes filled with the tears that I had kept hidden for so long. I was finally candid with everything that happened and while it wasn't with Jasper, at least I was sharing with someone. I had the ugly cry going on in full force and Lucy just sat there, being the support I so desperately needed.

After the tears subsided, Lucy pulled away from me and took my hands in hers.

"Okay. Now. Thank you for _finally _being honest with me. I'm sorry I had to bully you into it, but at least it's finally out in the open."

I exhaled a shaky breath and attempted to wipe the tears from my face quickly with the back of my hand. "No, don't apologize. I should have talked to you before this. I _needed _to talk to you before this."

Lucy's face was filled with concern and she raked her fingers through my hair, tucking a piece behind my ear. "So are you interested in some sage advice? Another point of view? Or are you happy continuing on this ridiculous _pretend we didn't see each other _thing you have going right now?"

I knew that I probably wasn't going to like what she was going to say but I also knew that I needed to hear it. Maybe Lucy could make some sense of what had happened since my brain was still struggling to work things out and it had been over a month.

"Lay it on me."

Did she ever.

Lucy pointed out that the condoms could have very well been given to Peter or someone else on the floor who needed them and that _perhaps _Jasper was just being his usual helpful self. After all, his commitment to the cleanse certainly meant he wasn't going to need them. Her voice escalated when she explained that Jasper was probably just freaked out when we talked about things the morning after and that he _said _he wanted to talk but I never gave him the chance.

"I think I said 'lay it_ on_ me,' not 'lay _into_ me.'"

But she was right. Lucy's words gave me a sense of clarity that I'd been missing or ignoring for a month and a half. After spending more time talking it out and listening to her words of wisdom, I came to the conclusion that I was afraid to give myself to someone completely and not have the feeling reciprocated. Petrified of losing control of my emotions. I let myself go for a moment and when reality came crashing down on top of me the following morning, the first things I found hinted it might have been a mistake. So instead of finding out for sure, I ran – literally and figuratively – in the opposite direction.

It was time to be honest with myself. Deep in my heart, I'd already known everything that Lucy said could have been true. It was easier, and safer, to believe that it was a mistake than to take a chance that it wasn't, and expose myself that way.

The truth of the matter was that I'd been hurt before. In high school, I laid it all on the line, and James almost destroyed me. I knew he was dicking around mentally with me and physically with _others, _and when I finally spoke up and said something, he ripped into me and made me feel as though it had somehow been my fault. I felt that I was inadequate and it took me quite awhile to get over that hurt and even longer to realize that it wasn't anything that _I _had done.

So what was better? Being hurt on their terms or on my own? Sure, I was hurting without Jasper's friendship but at least I had control over the hurt. By running and not giving him an opportunity to say otherwise, _I_ owned it.

Lucy's voice once again broke through my inner ramblings. "Well, I have some news regarding Jasper that I just found out while I was chatting with him at the café. It's actually the reason he was going to the Registrar. He's leaving soon."

Her statement wasn't exactly news. "We're all leaving soon, Luce. Some people have already left."

"No Bella," she spoke slowly, as though speaking to a small child. I had certainly acted like one. "He's leaving school soon."

I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of my sails. "I- I don't… wait, he's transferring?"

"No, he's able to study abroad next semester. The program is usually only for sophomores but since he took classes at the local community college at home before this semester…" Her thought trailed off. "I don't know why I'm telling _you_, you already know that. Anyway, he's got enough credits to qualify for study abroad." She appeared to be watching me closely for a reaction. I wasn't sure what she was looking for, but I was busy processing the implications of the words she was saying.

"So, he's technically considered a sophomore," I murmured. Of course, it made sense. He hadmentioned wanting to study abroad, yet I didn't think it was actually going to happen so _soon. _The day had been filled with honesty and emotion and my sadness hit me hard. "I guess I always thought that there would be more time."

I truly thought that we'd go home for the break and once we returned to school the following semester, we could talk. I thought we could reconnect when things weren't so raw. I'd have time to process. We'd be able to get past this, whatever _this_ was.

Lucy's voice broke my thoughts once again and I realized there'd been many points of silence throughout the conversation while I sat, trying to process things. "You miss him."

"I miss who I thought he was."

"Maybe he's still that person." She sounded optimistic.

I thought about it. Maybe he was. I needed to give him a chance and maybe we could regain that friendship because I really did miss my friend. Especially because he was leaving for such a long amount of time and who knew when the next time I would see him would be. A bit of closure was necessary.

I threw my arms around Lucy and gave her a quick hug. She seemed a little surprised by my sudden show of affection; she was usually the one who initiated the hugs in our relationship. "Luce, I'll talk to you soon."

I ran across the courtyard, using my key to open the red metal door leading up to his side of the building. I pounded on the suite door until Demetri heard me and started to make a wisecrack about it being quiet hours until he saw the crazed look in my eyes and decided he was the one who needed to be quiet.

I finally stopped pounding and processed what was right in front of me. The dry erase board told me everything I needed to know. Jasper's name was crossed out and I recognized his handwriting. He'd written a short goodbye note for Peter and the others on his floor.

That was it.

I walked out of the building, not sure what to do or where to go. I wasn't ready to return to my own room yet so instead I sat in the courtyard, on the bench where we had met. I realized I'd screwed up royally.

He was gone. _Time's up._

_

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_**KrisBCullen **is my beta.

**Heart (Ms Life), Lore, Boo and Elle **pre-read and offer up wise suggestions.

Special thanks to both **Hev99** and **FatallyObsessed **for their support of this story! Rock my socks, you do.

**Don't hide the tears that don't show – The Beatles**

Thanks for reading! I'll be back (hopefully soon!) with the next.


	18. She's Leaving Home

**The Twilight Twenty-five  
**Prompt - morose  
Pen name - LightStarDusting  
Character POV - Bella  
Rating - M

* * *

Chapter 18 - She's Leaving Home  
2000

I've heard it said (and I'm not ashamed to admit that it was by Charlotte in an episode of _Sex and the City _with Rosalie and Alice) that the recovery period for "getting over someone" is a ratio of one month for every six months that you were in the relationship.

Technically speaking, Jasper and I weren't in a _defined_ relationship, per se, at least not the way Charlotte intended. I wasn't sure of the exact formulaic adjustment, but I thought it would be reasonable to subtract two weeks for that. We'd been _together_ for only two months but occupying the same social circles for a month and a half, which I figured had to count for _something. _I'm not a math-whiz by any stretch of the imagination, but thanks to my own tweaking of Charlotte's equation, I figured my time in Morose-Bella Mopeyland would span approximately the length of the winter break.

Which is exactly how long it took.

Five weeks separated the end of fall semester and the beginning of spring semester. Five weeks to wallow at home in my gloomy haze. I reveled in it, absorbing it until it became an aura that surrounded me, invisible to everyone except me but permeating my very being. I went through the motions with everyone back home, laughing and smiling and pretending that everything was just fantastic. I had been doing that my entire life, it was part of my genetic make-up, so it was something that came naturally to me. But I knew the truth. Mercifully, the relationship recovery formula had proven to be accurate, and each week I changed a little more. What surprised me was that I wasn't changing back to _me_. The old me, anyway.

The four and a half months I'd spent during my neophyte semester at college had changed me and my attitude. The prospect of being alone had terrified me at the outset, but now I relished the thought. I realized that I had connections and relationships with people; being alone wasn't necessarily something to fear. Furthermore, I realized that it wouldn't do any good to find someone new to fill the void that Jasper left when he'd gone. I needed to find myself in all of this because somewhere along the way, I'd gone missing.

So I made a _new_ vow, to myself rather than with someone else. I vowed that I'd spend some time finding myself. I wasn't going to be defined purely by a relationship and I didn't need anything sexual confusing me further. My experiences the previous fall had shown that _that_ would end badly.

Near the end of the break, I started to feel like I was breathing a bit easier; the dullness faded and the ache released itself from my body.

Returning to school, my feelings mirrored the New England winter. Life continued on, dormant and not necessarily thriving where people could see but changes were happening internally. Lucy joined Rosalie's sorority and it kept her busy. She tried to coax me into joining with her but I was adamant about not affiliating too closely with anyone or anything until I figured myself out.

Instead, I branched out, focusing on the vow of finding myself again. I joined the campus radio station, opting to work behind the scenes rather than on the air. By March, I occasionally sat in on sessions with one of the other student DJs, discussing whatever music they were playing at the time. My favorite was sitting with the Sunday morning DJ, Angela, who only played Beatles songs during her block. I'd pick the cds from the vast library and we never ran out of trivia to discuss.

The spring semester went faster than I thought it would. In my mind, I had feared it would drag forever without Jasper there, but the initial sting of his absence didn't last the way I'd originally thought it would. My healing process continued and I reached the point where I could see myself, at some point, in a relationship.

That was not to say that I didn't think about Jasper. I did. I was reminded of him when I looked out my window and saw his room, when I saw people like Peter or Maria around campus, and when I sat on the bench in the courtyard. I heard random bits of information about him through the grapevine, usually via Emmett.

Yes, Emmett became my Jasper dealer, doling out little _hits_ of him, knowing exactly what to dispense and when so I wouldn't overdose. I'd learned that he had to change his major so that he could go to Spain for the semester. I sat next to Emmett in the computer lab while he checked his email; he would read me a line or two from his most recent email from Jasper. He was the person who showed me the postcard addressed to the floor with Jasper's familiar scrawl, the one he'd sent from his Toledo visit. The person who walked with me at night when I didn't want to walk alone to get Salt and Vinegar potato chips, and never pointing out the fact that they reminded him of someone far away, even though we both knew they did.

I never asked if Jasper mentioned me and he never offered.

I moved along as time pushed forward. In May, I said my goodbyes to Lucy, Emmett, Rose and the campus and made my way home, once again. Summer break was for a lot longer than five weeks. And I had different mathematical equations to consider.

Before I knew it, time found me standing in front of the second floor apartment door in the late August heat. My hair clung to the back of my neck in spite of my ponytail. Emmett was with the other RAs in front of the complex, distributing keys. After escaping his suffocating bear hug, I took my key from him and attempted to open the metal barrier that separated me from the air conditioning. Air conditioning was a perk of no longer being a freshman. Before I was able to turn the key, the door swung open and there stood Lucy.

"Bella! Sorry to scare you." She grabbed the bags I had resting on the landing and pulled them inside. "Get in here, shut the door, and give me a hug. Let's keep the air conditioning inside." _No argument from me._ The air inside the apartment was arctic in comparison to the sweltering heat outside. She dropped my bags unceremoniously on the floor, clearly not concerned with their contents or well-being.

Lucy decided we should do all of our sweating at once. She helped me drag my minimal bags and boxes from the curb to the doorway outside the room. By helping, I mean she kept the cab driver from leaving and talked to everyone who passed. Once it was all upstairs, we opened the door and pulled it all inside quickly, just far enough to close the door and reclaim the cool air. She had already unpacked most of our stuff, since we'd cleverly rented a storage locker for the summer and she'd even more cleverly convinced Emmett to help her pick it up and bring it to the room. By helping, I mean he did the work and she pointed a lot.

Walking back into the room, I tried to step around a duffel bag full of clothing. Managing to avoid stepping on the bag, I somehow tripped on the edge of the area rug and fell on top of it instead. _Good to know that while I'd evolved in the attitude department, I was still a Grade "A" klutz._ While all of my things were still lumped just inside the door, they were in the apartment, which was certainly progress. Lucy declared it _time for a break._

Once we'd both gotten a drink from the full sized fridge (yet another perk of sophomore status), Lucy took a big gulp of hers before setting the glass on the table. We sat on the couch, catching up with what we'd done over the summer and I told her about my job at the library at home. Her family lived close to the campus so she had been able to take some summer classes there.

Then she got a funny look on her face, her hands came to her hips and I knew I'd be hearing what she'd been waiting to ask since I walked in. Probably since we'd spoken the week before, coordinating arrivals. "So." _Here it comes. _

"So." I repeated after her, waiting for the _more_.

"_So_ tell me about this Jacob guy, Bella! I want to hear details. _Everything_." Honestly, I was a little surprised she'd let me go as long as she had before assaulting me with the inquisition.

"There's not too much to tell." I tried to play it off but the look on her face told me I wasn't getting off that easily. "He's a good guy; we met at the community college while I was taking a math prerequisite there. Figured that it would be easier to get the course out of the way there and take it pass/fail for credits. You _know_ math and I don't get along and I knew that taking the class at-"

Lucy held up her hand, stopping me. "Less talk about math, more talk about _Jacob. _That's a good name. Tell me his last name was Ryan and I'll just-"

"His last name was _not _Ryan."

"Well, tell me his middle name was Ryan, at least."

"For the love of Pete, Lucy. His name was not Jake Ryan. I'm sorry. We don't live in a world where _Sixteen Candles _is non-fiction. His last name is Black." She looked satisfied with that answer and waved me on to continue. "We sat next to each other. Actually, to be honest, he was sitting there when I walked in and well…" I blushed, thinking about him sitting there with his dark hair and easy smile when I had first walked into the lecture hall. "I sat next to him because he was easy on the eyes."

"Ohhhhh, now we're getting somewhere." Lucy crossed her legs and leaned closer to me, her expression expectant.

"And I might have asked him to the local diner after our first class." I ducked my head a little but knew that Lucy would be proud of this accomplishment. It wasn't my norm and I liked breaking out of the expected, especially when it came to telling Lucy because it made me feel a little bit more like _her._

Lucy raised her hand high over her head and I leaned toward her to meet her high five. "So bold. I _like_ Bold Bella!"

"Well, it was accelerated, so we only had four weeks of class. It was Monday through Thursday for three hours an evening. I had to move fast!"

"Hey, I'm not knocking it. I _love_ Bold Bella. Bold Bella is freaking awesome and _way _more fun than Morose Bella of Mopeyland."

"Will you stop?" I playfully flipped her the bird. My actions with him might have been bold but they didn't erase the fact that I still thought of Jasper occasionally, even when I was with Jacob. It was amazing how small gestures or words could send my mind reeling back in time. One night, Jacob promised to take me for a ride on his motorcycle; he offered up a pinky swear to seal the deal. It was an innocent gesture on his part, but it took me immediately back to the courtyard and the _cleanse_.

"So we hung out the majority of the summer-"

"Hung out. Like let it _all_ hangout?" She raised her eyebrows at the insinuation, asking in not so many words if we'd had sex.

"Yes, we let it all… hang out." I repeated the words, blushing a bit.

"_Wait_. You guys had sex? I know what I was insinuating with the _hang out _comment but then I wasn't sure that you were insinuating the same thing that _I _was insinuating."

It had to be the most amusing conversation I'd had in the history of knowing Lucy.

"We had sex," I clarified.

Lucy's eyebrows rose. "And?"

My brows mimicked hers. "And... it was _nice_. Nothing earth-shattering."

"No fireworks? No spark?"

"No. _Definitely_ no spark. Nice guy but yeah, at the end of the summer, I'm back here and I'm still single."

Lucy looked pensive for a moment, tapping her fingertip against her bottom lip before speaking. "Yeah, about that. So, this is a little weird, but do you remember Lollipop Guy from last year?"

_Who could forget Lollipop Guy? And damn it, why am I using her silly nicknames again? _

I'd occasionally seen him around campus spring semester and we'd smiled at each other, waving shyly. I often thought about approaching him but had reminded myself of my vow to focus on myself.

"I remember _Edward_," I said, emphasizing to myself and to Lucy that he had an actual name. "What about him?"

"Well," she paused and gave me the puppy dog eyes. "Promise you won't be mad?"

_Oh god. What in the world…? _"What did you do?"

"I'm sorry, but you know you love me and _I _knew you were ready for this."

I frowned at my roommate. "Stop apologizing and stop stalling. Ready for _what,_ Lucy? Spit it out."

"He was out there, talking to Emmett, while you were bringing your stuff upstairs and I noticed him watching you."

"Watching me? That's fucking creepy."

"No, it was _sweet_! Anyway, we started talking and he said that he always meant to get your number and then _I _said that you happened to be my roommate. And then _he _said that it would be cool if he could call you sometime. And then _I _said sure. And I gave it to him so he could call you."

"Wait. Rewind. You gave Lollipop G- I mean, Edward, my number?"

"I did. I wouldn't be surprised if he calls soon."

For some reason, all I could do was sit there and blink at her. Hard and fast. And as if on cue, the phone rang.

* * *

**KrisBCullen **makes my words pretty.

**Elle, Boo, Lore & Heart **have been my pre-readers from the start and it makes me giggle when I see them "fighting" over the boys in the gdocs.

**Fngrcufs **(who has a fantastic set of knockers) is hosting a readalong on twitter of HT&E on July 11th. To say that I'm flatter would be a huge understatement. If you're free, join in the fun? I'll bring the lollipops and Dark Side of Oz.

As always – thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. It means so much!

**Something inside that was always denied for so many years – The Beatles**


	19. From Me to You

**The Twilight Twenty-five  
**Prompt - vibrant  
Pen name - LightStarDusting  
Character POV - Bella  
Rating - M

* * *

Chapter 19 - From Me to You  
Nearly 2007

"You want to tell me what the hell is going on?" Edward's deep voice floated toward me from the entryway of the kitchen. "Why am I heading into the New Year without the love of my life by my side?" His soft teasing tugged my heart a little, guilt washing over me for exiling myself to the kitchen. I kept my head down, my eyes tracing the lines of the tile floor while leaning against the smooth countertop. "Hey," he said, softer still.

The utterance of that one word was all it took. His voice soothed me, the frayed nerve-endings relaxing as he walked closer to where I leaned on the counter. His feet entered my line of vision, on top of the lines that my eyes followed. His legs threaded with mine as he stepped closer still. I held back a smirk as his pointer finger found the bottom of my chin and tilted it up.

"Hey," I replied, hiding the smirk that was just below the surface. Our eyes met and we smiled softly at one another.

It was a nod to the first conversation we'd ever had that didn't involve lollipops or a fraternity house basement; an acknowledgment to that day on campus, over six years ago, when the boy with messy hair and vibrant eyes walked into my life and never walked out.

That boy was no longer standing in front of me, having been replaced by the man he'd somehow become when we weren't paying attention. It was easy to forget how much we'd both changed. We'd been together nearly every single day since that meeting and it was only when we looked at pictures from those early days that we really saw what _babies _we had been.

Our noses touched as his face came toward mine, the butterflies no longer stirring from nervous energy but rather from loved comfort. He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. The kiss was familiar, not passionate, but laced with trust and comfort and a small hint of concern. "What are you doing out here, all by yourself?" He pressed the issue as he pressed his body even closer to mine, his hands coming to rest on the counter behind my lower back.

"Just cleaning a bit," I said as I snuggled further into his arms, my cheek against his chest. "And I'm not by myself, thanks to you. My knight in shining armor, rescuing me from the loneliness of the kitchen."

He frowned and I knew, from that small expression, that he didn't believe my cleaning story. "Ah, Cinderella," he murmured, playing with a lock of my hair. "You're lucky I came along to save you." His lips met mine again and they coaxed my mouth open. _This _kiss was both familiar _and_ passionate. I could taste the beer on his tongue that he'd been drinking throughout the night; that had changed, too. No longer were we dealing with the restraints of lacking funds so we were able to upgrade from Beast to 'the good stuff.'

The kiss continued, his hands roaming beneath the back of my shirt, stroking my lower back. The low murmur of our friends' voices in the nearby living room rose up into a loud cheer as someone did something on the Wii that was cause for a celebration. The sound finally broke us apart, reminding us that we did, indeed, have company. "Damn it. Why are they here anyway?"

"Because they're our friends and relatives and it was our turn to host?" I smiled. _Perhaps he'd forgotten about his earlier observation. _

He took a deep breath and exhaled, pulling back from me. "It doesn't take a mind reader to know that something has been distracting you lately." He tapped my temple with his finger. "I can tell you're working at something up there." _Or perhaps not._

"We'll talk when it's not so crowded here?" I asked, my eyes darting toward the sound of the noise.

"That's fine," he acquiesced. "But we _will_ talk."

I nodded at his statement. It was a reasonable one and I'd tried really hard to stop running from my problems. I still wasn't perfect at it but as each year passed, I was getting a bit better. _Work in progress._ "Can you believe it's nearly 2007?"

"Can _you_ believe we've been together for almost seven and a half years?"

"It's six years; the fraternity basement doesn't count in the official length of the relationship." Again, we fell into the same banter we'd say to one another when we got nostalgic. The conversation always started with one of us stating how long we'd been together and Edward always trying to tack on that extra year. It seemed like just yesterday we were saying a year and a half, three years, and onward.

I _could_ believe it. I _did_ believe it.

"I remember seeing you, standing there, pissed because you got a chocolate lollipop."

_He always brought up my lack of love for the chocolate lollipop._

I rolled my eyes and brought up the next point in the conversation we'd already had more times than I could remember. "I still don't consider that our first real conversation. You know that. Ten minutes in a fraternity house basement? Not even close. Plus that's not technically when we got together so, I reassert, it doesn't _count._"

He pulled me to him once more, pressing his nose into my hairline and spoke, his lips against my forehead. "Still, it's a fun story to tell people."

That was the truth. When people asked us how we met, we always told them about the _Great Lollipop Exchange of 1999._ We did quite well telling the story to those who hadn't heard it before, teasing each other and finishing each other's sentences as we told it. It was our shtick, the story of our first meeting. Co-workers, distant relatives, the neighbors… they ate it up.

But that really only gave me a glimpse of Edward, not the complete package.

The complete first meeting was not as entertaining as the lollipop story. It was definitely less cute (because my pouting over a lollipop is apparently the epitome of cuteness) but much more intimate, much more us.

Lucy had given him our extension on move-in day and as it rang, we stared each other and then at the phone, unable to believe that the person we were just talking about could actually being calling. I finally reached over to answer it, my heart beating ridiculously hard in my chest.

Only… it wasn't him.

And that was my reaction _every time_ the phone rang. A sheer nervous panic mixed with excitement would possess my very being and every time, it wasn't him. People got very tired of hearing me answer the phone with (what I hoped was a nonchalant) _hello_ and quickly followed by a dejected_ oh._

He did eventually call a few nights later and, as luck would have it, I wasn't home.

Of course, this worked out really well for _him_ because he was able to leave a message on my voicemail and then the ball was in _my_ court. That was truly unfortunate because not only was I still working at the whole flirting game, whether live or on the phone, but I also wasn't very athletic, so I didn't have any good instincts on how to put the ball back in his court.

I didn't call him back immediately. Instead, I replayed the voicemail message again. And again. And again. I played it for Lucy. I played it for Makenna. They urged me to call. They even tried to write a script of possible conversations and had me "practice" with them – complete with deep voices when they pretended to be Edward. I was sure they were hoping to ease my nerves. The actual effect was quite the opposite. I couldn't help but wonder, _Am I emotionally ready for this?_

I didn't return the call that night, or the next day. My nerves got the best of me.

I always teased him about the _stalking _incidents. His watching me while I moved my stuff in (I'd since ragged on him that he could have offered to _help_) and then running into him on campus after the voicemail. It all seemed a bit too convenient. I'd subconsciously hoped that we would find each other on the campus; I was a bound to suck less in person than I did on the phone… I hoped.

Instead of returning Edward's call, I decided to do everything _but_. A day and a half went by and all I could think of was calling him back and not having enough nerve to do it. Instead I found myself at the campus store, syllabi in hand, searching for the books I needed for my Astronomy and World Literature classes. There were no used books and I found that disappointing because I actually liked used books better than new. Not only were used books a little less expensive, but I actually liked reading what other people had written in the margins and often glommed them.

_Oh well, at least I get to crack the binding. That's always fun!_

After exiting the store, I leaned against the hip-height brick wall that served as planters for begonias outside of the store. A drunken moment last year with Rosalie and Emmett flashed in my mind from when I attempted to channel my inner Nadia and "balance beamed" my way across the wall. It was a good thing that I was with them because Emmett wound up catching me on "the dismount." Placing the books on the wall next to me (I had foregone the plastic bags in an attempt to be earth-friendly, something I'd learned from Jasper) I leaned back, resting my butt against the wall and tilted my face toward the setting sun.

I felt his presence before I heard his voice say, "Hey," and I immediately scrambled to right myself. I turned away instead of toward him and my hands flailed around me as I tried to straighten myself. And then, in a very _classic Bella _fashion, I swept the entire pile of books off the wall and onto the ground, scattering them everywhere.

_Nothing like breaking them in._

A string of curses flew from my mouth as I bent down to pick up newly purchased and already dented books.

The books gave me a reason _not_ to look up, _not _to make eye contact. After all, I had to make sure my books were all good and collected, and at the same time I attempted to collect _myself. _I was able to get all of the World Literature books but the Astronomy one had really launched itself, making impressive distance and moving outside my immediate orbit.

He found the rogue Astronomy textbook and picked it up. "Hey," I said softly. _Hey?_ _Good to know I suck both on the phone and in person, equally. _I looked up to see his face startlingly close to mine, only a few inches and a pair of sunglasses between us. The sun hung low in the sky behind him, his form backlit, giving him an ethereal glow.

"Bella, I was hoping I'd run into you." We both stood simultaneously and I reached for the book, but he held on to it. He pushed his aviators up onto his head, vibrant green eyes establishing eye contact with mine and immediately I felt my inner butterflies stir in a tizzy.

"Edward, hi. I meant to call back but…" I managed to stutter out, not exactly sure how I would end that statement. _Yeah, Lucy and Makenna would be mortified at this failure after all their hard work._

"Eh, no worries. I know the first few days of school can be crazy. It looks like the summer treated you well." His eyes scanned my body quickly before returning to my eyes, and my traitorous blush returned. _Well, what do you expect, Bella? He is a guy._

"Can't complain. It was good. I'm happy to be back here though."

He chuckled. "That makes two of us, although I'm pretty sure that _most_ of us are happy to be back. Who would have ever thought when we were in high school that we'd actually _want_ to come back to school?"

It was an astute observation, one that I had never really considered until he said it. I spent a good portion of my grade school years dreading the thought of going to school, but college was different. It was freedom. Living on your own and making your own decisions was liberating. Once it stopped holding the scariness the _firsts_ of freshman year brought along with it, anyway.

We continued to chat for a solid hour, the sun dipping lower into the sky and the lights along the footpaths flickering on. I didn't want to stop, didn't want to say goodbye, but I didn't know how to say that.

"So," he said, looking down shyly, and kicked at a weed coming up through a crack in the sidewalk and I sensed a question was coming. "What are you up to right now?"

I shrugged. "Nothing on the agenda. Probably go back to the room and order a pizza for a late dinner. Lucy said she was going out tonight but I figured I'd just relax."

He pushed off the wall we were leaning on, a grin on his face, and held out my Astronomy text. I reached for it but he pulled it away, holding it behind his back. The butterflies kicked up again as he grinned at me and teased me again by waving it just out of my reach.

"Astronomy, huh? Did you know I'm a science major?"

"I didn't know that, actually."

"I am. Since you don't have any plans, maybe you could come to the science building with me." He held out his free hand to me, still holding my Astronomy book out of reach. "You want to come?"

I didn't know what he planned to _do _at the science building. I didn't even really know him that well; the hour conversation was enough to find out the basics but nothing too in depth. There was something about him, though. I hadn't wanted to say goodbye because I wanted to know him better.

Emotionally, it was a big step for me. I'd already taken part of the physical aspect of a relationship with Jacob but there was no real connection there. With Edward, I knew it had the potential to be something more. I could feel a magnetic pull toward him, and though I wasn't certain _what _it was, I had to trust that inner voice that was pushing me to find out. It was a leap of faith. One I was ready to take.

I remembered that afternoon vividly. The butterflies were swarming as he reached for the rest of my books. He tucked them under one arm and reached back for my hand. When I took it, the butterflies actually settled, happy with my choice. By the time we had reached the science building, they were gone.

I shook myself from my reverie and watched as he poured another beer into his beer stein. I leaned on the counter and ran a finger through the frothy head. He made a lewd suggestive comment, as he always did, and we giggled.

"It's a good thing you decided to stalk me, otherwise who would play with your head?" I licked my finger suggestively and his eyes followed. He grabbed his beer, and once again, teasingly muttered something about a houseful of freeloading guests and wishing we could kick them to the curb. I giggled again, tipsy a little bit from the champagne but mostly from him. Together we walked, arm in arm, back to the living room where our friends were still playing on the Wii. Leaning into him, I was hit by a sudden wave of sleepiness. It was getting closer to midnight and I stifled a yawn behind his shoulder. _When did I become so lame? _

_

* * *

_**KrisBCullen **makes my words infinitely better. She also feeds me, gives me beer, and lets me swim in her pool. Basically, she's awesome.

**Heart, Lore, Elle, and Boo** – thank you for being nutters with me. Aviators are for you, Heart.

**This SUNDAY, July 11****th**** – **#readalong with **fngrcufs** of Here, There and Everywhere. Although, if you are reading this then you've already… read. And there's really not much point… BUT STILL. Right.

Also! Stay tuned to LightHeartLoreli (ah, go on and throw it on your author alerts!). Lore and I are writing two stories for lovely, amazing, and beautiful people who bid on us for the Fandom Gives Back.

Also? Thank you so much for reading and leaving me all your amazing thoughts.

**If there's anything that you want, if there's anything I can do – The Beatles**


	20. If I Fell

Since I haven't said it in awhile: Twilight isn't mine. Neither is Austin Powers or any other pop culture reference.

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Awe  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

Chapter 20 – If I Fell

2000

It's funny (and by funny, I mean _interesting_ funny, not _haha_ funny) how different relationships evolve. Not just romantic relationships, but _all_ relationships.

When I originally met Lucy, I would have never imagined how far our friendship would have evolved in a year's time. She and I were two totally different people but somehow we worked well together. I reined her back at times but more often than not, I was pushed by her in both attitude and actions.

Jasper had come to my rescue with a pencil and a wink and when we were friends, that dynamic between us had been completely right. But we obviously missed something very crucial along the way which caused the disintegration of _us_ and ultimately led us to where we were.

My opinion of Alice when I first saw her in the basement of the fraternity house wasn't exactly what one would call _positive_, although she didn't know it at the time, but we came to a mutual love for each other through Edward. However, as his sister, there are things we don't talk about. Things that are better left unsaid because if they were spoken aloud, they would only hurt Alice and possibly me.

As for Edward… well, things with him just clicked. The ease with which he grabbed my hand outside the bookstore, the comfortable flow of the conversation as we walked toward the Science Building (even though I had no clue what we'd be doing there and he was being secretive at the time), it was like pieces of a puzzle snapping together to make an entire picture. The evolution of _us _worked, right from the start.

We approached the building hand in hand. He pulled his keychain from his pocket once we were outside of the building and waved a key fob near a sensor before leading us through the double doors of a side entrance. As he led me through the low-lit corridor, I didn't stop to second guess or falter, the trust was there though I barely knew him.

We neared the soda machines at the end of the hall and after a brief conversation regarding choice of beverages, we both had our sodas. He bought an extra one too, dropping it into his bag and vaguely mentioning it being for a friend. Then, reclaiming my hand, he pulled me along past classrooms and toward the center of the building.

Our clasped hands dangled between us and I didn't have the wherewithal to think about the possibility of my hand being hot, cold, or anything. A sideways glance and a small smile graced his lips. "Are you ready to find out our secret mission?"

I looked around as though the hallway might give me a clue. "Do we have to choose to accept it?"

"Well, _I_ have to choose to accept it. I'm hoping you will too."

"Mmmmhmmmm. You're making me nervous here." He wasn't, for the record. "Does it involve burying a body? I'm afraid my digging skills are kind of weak."

Edward pretended to think about it for a moment before shaking his head. "No bodies to bury today. I do that on Tuesdays. Today I have my paying job to attend to."

Well now, that was a hint. "Your _job_? Won't you get in trouble if I'm there?"

"Nah. No clock to punch, no boss to check-in with. Living on the edge over here." He smirked at me as we continued to make our way down the hall.

"At the… Science Building."

The smirk turned into a grin and I couldn't help but think what a nice smile he had. "Right. Wild and crazy at the Science Building. That's me."

He started to say something else but a petite reddish-blonde girl walked toward us, looking at her watch. Edward dropped my hand and held up a finger, indicating that he'd be right back before walking toward her with arms open. He wrapped his arms around the top of her shoulders and leaned back, picking her up off the ground.

Her voice was muffled as she pushed against his shoulder with her face. "I was wondering when you'd get here. The show's set up from last night when I was on. I was just playing around with the music but you've got time to make it your own again." My ears perked as I drew closer to them, listening to her statements for context clues. Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it wasn't going to get the best of me. "For fuck's sake, let me down." She shrieked, wiggling out of his grip, and looked over at me before sticking her hand out to shake.

I reached around him and leaned toward her, holding out my hand. "Hey, I'm Tanya. Are you joining Cullen for the show tonight?"

I looked at Edward with raised brows, not exactly sure what show she was talking about and wondering exactly who this girl was (other than "Tanya") and if there was a boss to worry about after all.

Edward smiled easily at Tanya before slinging his arm over my shoulder. "No worries, I'm on it, T. By the way, this is Bella."

I smiled at my name, grateful for his stepping in with my lack of manners. I turned my attention to Tanya, while tingling at the contact of his casual embrace. "Show? What show?" I asked, thinking I could possibly get more information out of her than him. He caught on and just mock frowned while shaking his head at her, indicating that she shouldn't give any information away.

She shrugged apologetically at me and mouthed _sorry_, all the while looking curious but not asking anything. Edward swung his backpack toward the front of him and fished out the soda he'd bought moments before.

"Grabbed you a soda. You headed out?"

She took the soda that he offered and spun the cap. "Yeah, I would stick around but it looks like you two have each other for company and I have some work for Jenks I need to get done. There's pizza in the booth up for grabs. Just ordered it not too long ago."

Edward glanced at his watch and looked toward the windows, where darkness had completely blanketed the campus from when we walked in the building. "Where are you parked?"

"Small lot across from the library."

His eyes flashed to his watch again and then down the hallway. "We've got time, we'll walk you."

I chimed in. "Yes, we'll definitely walk you there. It's not a good idea to walk alone in the dark." My mind briefly visited that conversation in the courtyard with Jasper extolling the words of wisdom once. "We'll be your personal escorts." I didn't know her well but I could tell she was a good friend to Edward, which made me not want her to get abducted by any squirrels.

"You don't have time. But don't worry about me. I'm meeting Kate in the lobby."

As she walked away, her hips swayed slightly and I saw her toss her hair over her shoulder. From the corner of my eye, I picked up on her pointing at me and giving me the thumbs up to Edward.

"Okay, sci-guy, where we going?"

"Have you seen the laser light show here before?"

I hadn't. I told him that I'd heard about them and even talked with Rosalie and Emmett about coming to the show at one point but we'd never been able to get our acts together.

"Well, Emmett's made his way here before and has hung out with me in the booth. I was thinking that you might be interested in hanging here… with me?" He looked just the slightest bit unsure of himself, as though I might say no.

"You have a 'laser'?" I asked in my best Dr. Evil voice, complete with air quotes.

"Yes, actually, I have quite a few, but don't worry about me punching a hole in the 'ozone' layer. I've heard that's already been done. Still working on 'frickin' sharks with 'frickin' lasers attached to their 'frickin' heads.'"

"Well, that's good to hear." I said dryly as I followed him into the round planetarium. I looked around with wide eyes as we made our way to the center of the room. "Can I help with anything?" He opened the door to the booth and pressed a button causing music to lowly pipe through the speakers around the room.

"There's really not too much to be done. Tanya was playing with the music because we are started a new show in a few weeks but since we usually just go through a cd, we are pretty much ready to go after I tweak a few of the faders and change the set."

"Right. Tweak and change the set. Obviously." I had no idea but he made it sound easy enough. "What show is tonight?"

"Weezer's Blue Album. We're working on Radiohead's OK Computer for the next run."

"Nice, two of my favo-" I was interrupted by static and a girl's voice coming through a speaker.

"Cullen? You there?"

Edward gave me an apologetic look before locating and speaking into the offending radio. "We'll be ready in about ten, Irina."

He held up the radio and explained that it was the ticket office at the front of the building.

"All these people call you 'Cullen.' Should I do that, too? Do you prefer the last name thing?" I figured I should ask since it seemed that everyone we'd encountered referred to him by his last name.

"Nah, I'd rather _you _call me Edward." His tone implied something special, something more. For some inexplicable reason, it made me blush.

He made his way to where the box of pizza rested next to the mixer and found some paper plates on a shelf below. Doling our slices, he told me to start eating and he'd join me once the show was underway.

I waited for him.

Soon the auditorium was filled with both people and fog from the smoke machines that lined the perimeter of the floor, rising up to the dome of the ceiling. After everyone was settled in their seats, Edward grabbed the mic and did a very rehearsed-sounding schpiel, to which I raised my brows in appreciation. Then the lights blinked out, the music was cranked, and the lasers were cutting through the fog.

A small blue reading lamp lit the booth and we sat on the floor of the booth, watching the colors dance overhead as we settled with our pizza and soda. Holding out his bottle, we _clinked_ the plastic together, toasting our dinner.

We sat next to each other, our backs resting on the paneled booth. I leaned toward his ear and, once again, marveled at how right this felt. "So, how do you and Tanya know each other? Do you have classes together?"

"We're in the same major so we have a lot of core classes together. She's also my ex-girlfriend, we dated for about a semester."

I was in awe at the nonchalant tone of his voice, but furthermore the fact that it wasn't an act; he truly was comfortable interacting with his ex in such a manner. There was no stuttering and stopping, no awkward pauses, no hiding, and no running. Furthermore, I was surprised by my own reaction. I was curious as to what happened, but not in the least bit threatened, because he was clearly interested in me. So when I asked, it didn't come across as anything but that.

"We were better friends than we were girlfriend and boyfriend. We both realized it so we decided to go back to friend status." He shrugged. "Plus?" Edward leaned even further toward me, his lips brushing my ear as though he was sharing a great secret, "she eats her pizza with a fork and knife."

"That's grounds for dismissal, huh?"

He laughed. "I like a girl who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty."

_Well, let's hope he likes a girl who isn't afraid to get her mind dirty, too, since mine flew straight to the gutter._

We continued to talk throughout the show and I told him of my short-lived relationships, in great detail, at that. I continued to be surprised at how easily and naturally the conversation flowed and how I didn't think twice about sharing my high school relationship with James, the vagueness and awkward end of my quasi-relationship with Jasper, and the quick rebounding experience that was Jacob.

"All J names, huh? Maybe you need to branch out to another letter?"

"Yeah, this is true." I tapped my finger against my head as though I was in deep thought. "I was thinking of going for X or Z next," I teased.

"Sounds like you haven't had a good middle ground relationship. Either it's too quick, too slow, or no spark."

"Are you good with middle ground?"

"Oh Bella, I'm _all over_ the middle ground. It's my domain." He smiled wickedly as he puffed out his chest. I giggled and my mind raced at the thought of being in a relationship with him. "Isn't this better than pizza alone?" His eyes glowed in the darkness, illuminated by the glow of the lasers. Even in the dark, I could see that he had a bit of pizza sauce on his chin. My fingers itched to reach out and assist him.

And surprisingly, I let them.

"Definitely better than pizza alone."

"**If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand?" – The Beatles**

* * *

Hey all – I usually keep my A/N's short but I wanted to peek my head in.

So… I've sort of been MIA with the updates and for that I'm truly sorry! I had the amazing opportunity to travel to CA to meet up with some other FF authors last month – it was incredible! Between that, family vacations, kidlets being ill (nothing serious), and just summer in general, it's been over a month since I updated. GAH! Not cool, LSD, NOT COOL!

The good news is - I don't foresee it happening again. I'm sticking with my plan of 25 chapters, so we've got 5 more after this. I'm so appreciative of each and every single person that has joined me thus far, so THANK YOU. I have chapter 21 written and once it's done visiting with my lovely pre-readers (**ElleCC, Miztrezboo, TheHeartofLife, and LoreliD**), it will be posted. I usually post teasers at **Edwardville** on Tuesdays too, if you're so inclined.

Other projects that I work on included writing with the lovely **LoreliD** under the penname **LightHeartLoreli**. We write Roseward. That's Rosalie and Edward. Together. If that's something that interests you (or something that totally scares you) swing by and check us out!

**IdPattThat** wrote a lovely rec of HT&E at **BFFFers of Fan Fic** that made me blush and squee simultaneously. It's been established that I'm keeping her forever and ever. If you'd like to check it out, here's the link. bfffersoffanfic(dot)com/ipts-humpday-rec (change the dot to a... dot!)

**KrisBCullen** is my beta, my sounding board, and my therapist.

Once again, thank you for reading, reviewing, alerting, favoriting, everything-ing.


	21. This Boy

**The Twilight Twenty-Five**  
Prompt: Apathy  
Pen name: LightStarDusting  
Character POV: Bella  
Rating: M

* * *

**Chapter 21 - This Boy  
2007**

The morning after our New Year's party was filled with bagels we'd bought the night before from the bakery down the street, mimosas that Alice insisted on, and a lot of mumbling while we all tried to wake up. Our friends lingered, sprawled on our couches and in the guest room, until Edward herded them out the door close to noon. I started to clean the house, picking up empty beer bottles and plates that never made it into the kitchen, looking for any reason to prolong the upcoming conversation just a little bit longer, but Edward was on to me. He took the bottles from my hand, set them on the counter and pulled me to the couch.

Tears filled my eyes before Edward even opened his mouth to speak. I was non-confrontational by nature. The going got tough and I ran for the hills. Granted, it wasn't the best way for me to handle myself but it was the only way I really knew how to function. I'd never really had to run and hide from Edward before; he was the one person I'd always felt completely safe with.

When Edward found me that day outside the bookstore, flailing around like a fool, I was able to put my trust and faith into someone once again. Somehow I _knew_ that he was the one that I could move forward with.

That evening we'd spent together in the planetarium, something changed inside me, and it was in large part due to Edward Cullen. After the laser show was over, we sat in the empty auditorium and talked, not wanting the night to end. The discussion was about everything and nothing. We told each other stories of our childhoods, compared scars (both physical and emotional), laughed so hard it was difficult to breathe, and learned more about each other as people.

Time was practically non-existent; one moment, people were filtering out of the auditorium and the next, Edward was looking at his watch, surprised that it was nearly three in the morning.

He walked me to my apartment, each of us reluctant to part ways but knowing that neither of us would be able to function for our first day of classes if we talked longer. I tried to persuade him to come inside, to just crash at my place. Edward insisted he'd be fine to drive to the off-campus apartment that he shared with his sister; she would worry if he didn't come home. I wasn't sure exactly what I was thinking, whether he'd stay on the couch or in my bed, but it didn't matter because he joked that he wanted to keep his virtue intact.

And then, in the moment where I'd normally be wondering if I should go for the kiss or the hug, he made the decision for us, cradling my face in his hands and tilting it up before placing a soft kiss on my lips. He said something about hoping he wasn't being too forward and I told him he wasn't as I wrapped my arms around his neck, this time initiating the kiss myself.

We revolved around each other from that day forward, spending a good amount of time together but functioning separately, as well. I'd visit him on nights that he worked the laser light show, randomly popping in if I had a night class or bringing him a drink from the machine. He'd come to visit me at the radio station, stopping by at the end of a set and then driving me back to my apartment, or his, to watch a movie or have dinner. I got to know Alice better while hanging out in their apartment, and she told us about a boy she had started to spend time with. At that point I didn't know it was Jasper, neither did Edward.

Our lives intertwined comfortably and we moved forward together. Moving forward was always the goal. So why had I recently come to a complete halt? It seemed like the one thing we needed to talk about, I couldn't. The one thing that came so easily for me the first night was ever-elusive.

I felt his hand upon my face and his thumb swept under my eyes as I closed them, willing the tears to stop. He pulled me into his chest and held me there, his arms wrapped around my own, as I composed myself. _What a way to start the year._

Once I was pretty sure that I'd be able to speak without losing it, I pulled back from him and attempted a small smile. His hands held mine and he nodded. I knew he would be delicate with his wording but I also knew he wouldn't hold back from saying what he truly felt. It was something that I needed. I'd been running for too long.

"Bella, this isn't _us._ It's not how we operate. We've always had open communication, throughout our entire relationship. But lately," he stopped and looked around, a bit helpless as to how to proceed. "Lately, I've noticed that you've needed space, and I've been trying to be patient while you figure things out. You know I'm a patient guy, but... but we need to figure out what's going on here."

I was quiet because I didn't know what to say. He was right. I'd been living in my head, in the past, more than with him in the present. I was physically there, but mentally, I was running back instead of moving forward. _Why is that?_ "You're right and I'm not exactly sure why I've been acting the way I have been recently. I don't know. Maybe I'm scared." His hands squeezed mine at the admission.

"Scared of what?" He prompted me with his question.

My mind raced. I was scared of everything: of moving forward, of growing up, of that next step. The words tumbled from my mouth, one right after the other, before I could stop them. I finished with, "Of not being ready."

The expression on his face was difficult to read but I could tell that he was thinking about my words and considered his own before he spoke. "Listen, I have to tell you, I want this." He motioned with a hand at the room around us. "Our house and our life together, I want it all. But only if you want it, too."

I was afraid to say anything that would make him think otherwise. I wanted it, too, and I whispered the words quietly.

"See, Bella, even your response..." His words trailed off, and he looked up to the ceiling. I didn't need to see his eyes to know the pain I had caused there. "You think that doesn't kill me? I love you more than life and… damn it, you shouldn't be whispering that and I sure as hell don't want you to be _sad _at the thought."

"I know, Edward! Don't you think I know?" I tried to rationalize. "I want this but I just…" I trailed off. _I just, what? Work it out, Bella. Verbalize._ "I need to work some things through in my head before I'm-"

"You've been working things through in your head for the past couple of months but it's gotten you nowhere out here." He gestured around the room once more, this time sweeping his hand between us. I sat silently, knowing that while his words were angry, his motives were not. "You need to figure this out some other way. The apathetic attitude, the phoning it in, _has_ to stop. Whatever it is that's keeping you from this commitment and from me, you need to work through that. If you need to talk to someone or… hell, I don't know. Just figure this out. For us."

While Edward might have asserted that he wasn't a mind reader the previous night, it seemed like he was almost hinting that he knew there was unfinished business that I needed to attend to.

After we'd gotten together, I'd seen Jasper around the campus and surprisingly, it was not awkward like I had expected it to be, or even the way it might have been had it been the prior semester. Time and space worked their magic, and emotionally I was able to handle things. He was my past and I was able to separate the two.

And it might have stayed that way, had fate not stepped in and dealt that very cruel twist.

One day Edward showed up at my apartment, pale-faced and asking about Jasper. I'd already divulged the story that first night at the planetarium, so I wasn't exactly sure what he was getting at with his line of questioning. Instead of playing guessing games, I asked him flat out what was going on.

It was then that he told me he'd finally been introduced to Alice's boyfriend: Jasper.

I believe my exact reaction was "Oh!" Followed quickly by "So?"

He ran his hand over the back of his neck and explained that he didn't like the idea of Jasper hurting_ his_ two best girls.

It became clear to me right then and there that I needed to run interference, not for my sake but for Alice's. At that time I didn't know the depth of their relationship and I didn't know that it would have staying power but I knew that I didn't want Edward to ever worry for Alice's heart based on my own experience. I gently reminded him that any hurt that I'd felt with regard to Jasper was because _I_ pulled away. My explanation seemed to pacify Edward and he relaxed against the back of the couch, pulling me against him, much like he did in our own living room, seven years later.

We didn't talk much more after that about Jasper and me, but our circle expanded to include him once again. Jasper and I moved around each other with the grace of well-trained dancers; we were in one another's presence often but we did fancy sidesteps and turns, never being alone in the same room together and _never_ discussing what had happened between us.

It seemed as though we were both past it.

Until we no longer… weren't. It seemed to stem from the conversation on the swings after the concert in September. And here I was facing another new year, and instead of moving forward, I looked _way_ back.

I guess it always lingered, but it wasn't something either of us acknowledged. That quiet cling had grown louder recently and I couldn't understand why. All I knew was that my heart was taking issue with the progression that was supposed to naturally happen at this point in my life.

Edward and I were together for six or seven years (depending on who you asked). We lived together, loved together, laughed together. The next logical step was marriage. So why was it that I was suddenly scared to even _talk_ to him about the most mundane things? I'd never had had an issue opening up to Edward. _Ever_.

"I _want_ this." I said it again, this time louder, asserting myself, yet still staring at our entwined hands in our lap. I was trying to convince him. And myself.

Edward shifted off of the couch, kneeling in front of me so that his face was looking up at mine. "Baby. Look at me." Our eyes met, mine unsure and his earnest. "Ten years from now, will regret be there?" I started to shake my head but he stopped me with his words. "We can't let this linger any longer. I've waited to see if you would figure this out on your own, but you're not. If this conversation is the push that you need, if this is what it takes, well… here it is, Bella. It's not an ultimatum; it's me asking you, for the sake of _us_, either together or separately, if you can work this out."

And I knew that I needed to. I nodded my head before hugging him and promising that I would get my act together.

He pulled back at my words, looking down at me and frowning. I felt like everything I said in this conversation was wrong. "It isn't an act, Bella, it's our lives. Do what you need to do and know that I'm here to talk about it all. Like I've always been, and like I'll always be, no matter what."

I leaned into him, hugging him again. "I know. Thank you."

Edward continued to clean the house while I headed off to the shower, thinking about what I needed to do to make things right. To make _us _right.

Six years ago, on that night when I took Edward's hand, my life's timeline split into two: Before Cullen and After Cullen.

Some might say that using a man to define my timing as a person is a gross and needy way to portray myself. Hell, I'd probably say that about someone if that someone weren't _me._

I'd just found that, if you looked at a calendar of my life, there are two distinct eras in it, and the timing happens to coincide perfectly either in front or behind that line, the before and the after.

The time I spent alone between the first semester of my freshman year and the summer that followed allowed me to define myself as a person, outside of a relationship. That alone time was important in my self-discovery because I'd never really envisioned myself as an individual before that point. When I was at home, I always had my parents, my friends, and James; all of whom I related to as a daughter, a friend, and a girlfriend.

After my arrival at college, I feared alone time, not knowing how to deal with myself as an individual. I wasn't ready for it at that point, which made it so easy to cling to Jasper. It's what I needed at the time, that connection. Perhaps things wouldn't have panned out the way that they did if we didn't rely on each other as much as we did, prior to that night. Who's to say?

The turning point really came when I was alone for the spring semester. I had time to reflect on myself as an individual, where my attention should be focused and what I needed in order to be happy in my life. Through my quick fling with Jacob, I was able to see what I wasn't looking for in a man. He was nice. Not outstanding, not amazing, but nice. And while nice is a good thing, it shouldn't be the _only _thing.

I knew one thing for certain: I needed Edward in my life.

Once I was out of the shower, I went to our bedroom. While getting dressed, I thought more of my next step. Seeing as Edward had already laid things out for me, I figured that I was ready for a straight-shooter to call me on my bullshit. Picking up the phone, I dialed a familiar-but-not- used-often-enough number.

"Lucy?"

"**But this boy wants you back again." – The Beatles**

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**

**KrisBCullen **is my beta love and I have to say, this chapter would not be what it is without her.

**ElleCC** suffered during this one. She gets pats and snugs from **TheHeartofLife, Miztrezboo, and LoreliD** (who's not very sympathetic ;)). And me. Many many many. I'm so lucky to have these girls as my prereaders and my cheerleaders.

Posting **Minuet in F (you) Minor** with LoreliD – starts tomorrow. Swing by our joint account **LightHeartLoreli **to watch the fireworks!

Come play with me on Twitter - lightstardust

**Reviews are love.  
**


	22. I Will

Last time… chapter 21 (since it's been awhile)

Six years ago, on that night when I took Edward's hand, my life's timeline split into two: Before Cullen and After Cullen.

Some might say that using a man to define my timing as a person is a gross and needy way to portray myself. Hell, I'd probably say that about someone if that someone weren't _me._

I'd just found that, if you looked at a calendar of my life, there are two distinct eras in it, and the timing happens to coincide perfectly either in front or behind that line, the before and the after.

The time I spent alone between the first semester of my freshman year and the summer that followed allowed me to define myself as a person, outside of a relationship. That alone time was important in my self-discovery because I'd never really envisioned myself as an individual before that point. When I was at home, I always had my parents, my friends, and James; all of whom I related to as a daughter, a friend, and a girlfriend.

After my arrival at college, I feared alone time, not knowing how to deal with myself as an individual. I wasn't ready for it at that point, which made it so easy to cling to Jasper. It's what I needed at the time, that connection. Perhaps things wouldn't have panned out the way that they did if we didn't rely on each other as much as we did, prior to that night. Who's to say?

The turning point really came when I was alone for the spring semester. I had time to reflect on myself as an individual, where my attention should be focused and what I needed in order to be happy in my life. Through my quick fling with Jacob, I was able to see what I wasn't looking for in a man. He was nice. Not outstanding, not amazing, but nice. And while nice is a good thing, it shouldn't be the _only _thing.

I knew one thing for certain: I needed Edward in my life.

Once I was out of the shower, I went to our bedroom. While getting dressed, I thought more of my next step. Seeing as Edward had already laid things out for me, I figured that I was ready for a straight-shooter to call me on my bullshit. Picking up the phone, I dialed a familiar-but-not- used-often-enough number.

"Lucy?"

* * *

**I Will  
Chapter 22**

"Bella! How are you, my darling? It's been far too long."

"I'm… okay. Wait. Say something else." Lucy sounded, well, un-Lucy-like although I couldn't quite put my finger on _why._

"Just a moment, B." Her voice sounded stuffy and strange. I heard muted laughter in the background and Lucy covered the phone, saying something before turning her attention back to me. "I'm moving into the study but alas, I cannot speak for too long, we're meeting Demetri's parents for lunch."

I'd been to the house Lucy shared with Demetri before and I happened to be well aware that while it was quite lovely, there was nary a study to be found. "The _study?_ Watch out for Colonel Mustard. I hear he lurks in there, wielding a candlestick."

"Hush. Now, how's 2007 treating you so far? Have you made any resolutions?" she continued and I figured out exactly why she sounded odd. She was speaking with a British accent, her very best impression of Julie Andrews.

"Um, things are okay here. Resolutions? I resolve to be a better friend and call my college roommate more often. See how well I'm doing already?" I asked sardonically. Since I'd begun acting like a crazy person after the concert, I'd been in more contact with Lucy. Our friendship went through ebbs and flows but we were always able to pick up where we left off and it was one of the things I'd come to appreciate the most about our relationship. "How was your trip to England?"

"Simply amazing and definitely not long enough. I think Demetri and I must schedule to move there, immediately." Her pronunciation of both "schedule" and "immediately" were quite impressive.

"I notice you picked up the accent there. How very Madonna of you, " I said dryly, as I leaned back on the pillows and pulled the comforter over my legs.

She let the Madonna comment slide. "Well, let's get down to business because while I know that I might be the subject of your resolution, which you totally need to follow through on by the way, I know you aren't calling me just to shoot the shit. We'll talk about my awesomeness later." Lucy never did lack self-esteem. "What's up?"

"Am I _that_ obvious?"

"Maybe I'm just _that_ intuitive. Plus, your emails have been more forthcoming lately, which I appreciate, since usually it's like pulling teeth with you. Especially in written form when I can't badger you properly." I smiled at her comment; we both knew it was the truth. "So, did you finally talk with Edward?"

And there was my opportunity, my opening to spill.

Telling Lucy was easy and she heard it _all, _from the lead up (I had started to tell her just about last night but apparently that wasn't good enough, she wanted "the recap," as she called it) to the inevitable discussion that finally took place just a few hours before. Like always, she listened and didn't comment until I finished my summation.

And then? Straight-shot of _real_ from Lucy, sans accent.

"Well, it's about freaking time. He grew a set and didn't let you run. Give Cullen a high five from me."

I let out a snort at the high five comment. "Will do. So now, I have to figure out my next step."

Lucy pointed out the obvious. "What's there to figure out? Bella, you _know_ your next step."

"I do?" _I did._ I'd taken great strides with the conversation with Edward, but I was still me, after all and avoiding wasn't completely out of my realm of possibility.

"You do." She huffed out a sigh, a classic Lucy _why do I always have to point out the obvious to you, Bella? _sigh. "Say it. Out loud." Always the direct route with Lucy. Her prompting elicited no response from me and she huffed. "What's that saying? When one door closes, a window opens? No, that's not right. Hold on." I heard the clacking of a keyboard and her triumphant _A-ha! _"Alexander Graham Bell apparently said it. _When one door closes, another opens-"_

"Yes, I've heard that one. But isn't it something about doors and windows?"

She cleared her throat, jokingly annoyed that I'd interrupted. "Not that one. A different one. There's more to it. _But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. _Now I'm not saying that you don't see Edward but…" she trailed off, waiting for me to fill in the blank.

"I need to talk to Jasper so that I can move forward." I said it. Out loud.

"See, don't you feel better acknowledging it?"

"Actually, I feel like I might throw up," I half-joked. "But… I do need to talk to him."

"You do. And knowing you, it will take you awhile to get to that point in time so start running through scenarios in your head _now, _okay? Call me if you need a pep talk… or five."

"I might be calling you a lot."

"That's never a bad thing." I heard Demetri in the background and I could almost visualize Lucy rolling her eyes when she said, "Bella, the future in-laws await. They're already a thorn in my side and we aren't even hitched yet. Or, you know… engaged to be hitched. This doesn't bode well. Remember, high five: to Cullen, from me."

"Okay, Luce." I was giving her short answers since I knew she had to go. And, you know, since I was still a bit freaked about the prospect of talking to Jasper.

"Hey, if you guys get married, does that mean I get to call you Cullen, too? How cute will that be? You _have_ to get married just so I can refer to you as Cullen." It was clear that she didn't want to get off the phone.

"Well, you know I always make my life decisions based on your vocabulary needs." I tried to wrap things up once again, saying our goodbyes.

"As you should. Hey, email me this week at work and let's finally figure out a weekend we are both free so we can get together. Even if it's a few months out. I miss you."

"_Goodbye_, Lucy," I sang out, finally hanging the phone up after hearing her echoing goodbye.

Work kept me busy during the week and the weekends were filled with fittings, shower preparations, and other wedding odds and ends. It amazed me how much a wedding could take over my life, particularly a wedding that wasn't even mine. Lucy and I emailed about meeting up and finally figured that the next time we were both free was actually a few _months _after Rosalie and Emmett's wedding. While neither of us were particularly patient people, we knew that with everything we had scheduled, the time would probably go quickly. It had been lately.

Rosalie had tried her best not to "burden" us up to that point, but it was evident that we'd reached the time we were needed. Alice and I kept reminding her that we didn't consider it a burden but Rosalie wasn't buying it; she was used to being independent and in charge of things. Not a Bridezilla, by any means, just someone with clear-cut ideas and definitions in her head of how things should and shouldn't be in regards to her special day. Rosalie and Emmett were hosting their own wedding which gave them the leeway to do what they wanted.

Rosalie's family was mostly thrilled and a tiny bit saddened by her attitude. The Hales were a headstrong bunch, who, in turn, had raised a headstrong daughter. Being that they had raised her in all her _headstrongness_, they understood and respected the couples' need to run the show.

The other side of the coin, of course, was that they wanted to know what was going on. It was lovingly done but I could see how it was a bit overbearing at times. More than once Alice and I reminded Rosalie that it was better to be cared about too much than not enough. Her family requested that they be able to help with the shower since they weren't assisting with the wedding. How could Alice and I say no to them? You try saying no to a Hale: damn near impossible.

The 'surprise' shower was nearing, which naturally meant that she had a hand in planning it. Rosalie wasn't one for surprises, but since it was the only thing that her family really had any influence over, we pretended that it was a surprise. It was a big circle of playing pretend but it kept the Hale clan happy and we liked happy Hales. Rosalie even insisted on helping with the favor assembly. Alice had to miss the soap stuffing pow-wow, having to attend a baby shower for a sorority sister. The plan was to drop the bagged soaps at her and Jasper's house and she would take care of tying the ribbon on each bag.

"I guess I should have expected the rose-shaped soap, huh?" Rosalie rolled her eyes good-naturedly once I had settled on the floor of the living room. The house looked like a wedding had thrown up in it: tulle, programs, and other random wedding-type stuff lining every empty space. "Naturally they think that since my name is Rosalie that I'm going to carry roses. I hope the fact that I'm carrying lilies won't send them into a tailspin," Rosalie said.

"Oh, they know. It was already discussed last Monday on message thirty-seven of an email," I informed her as I dropped three different colored soaps into the sheer purple bag.

Rosalie frowned. "I hope they aren't driving you too crazy, Bella. Thirty-seven email exchanges with them would drive me over the edge. Then again, little things have been pressing on my nerves lately."

I didn't bother to tell her that it was thirty-seven in only _one_ day, figuring she didn't need the added stress of worrying about me. Shrugging, I continued on with the task at hand and thought of how to change the conversation from her family to something a bit less stressful.

"How are you and Em doing? It seems like the two of you ground one another and keep each other positive amidst the planning craziness." In fact, it was commendable how sane the two of them were being; I wasn't sure how Edward and I would be if and when we ever arrived at our own planning but I hoped we'd mirror the same quiet calmness that Rosalie and Emmett exuded. I knew that theirs was a relationship that couldn't be faked and one that I always hoped mine would have the same qualities.

A soft smile danced on her lips when she thought of him.

"All the anticipation and lead up for this one day… It's just… I can't wait. I've been with Emmett for so long and I know that this is just a formality at this point. I'm looking forward to be married to him but the wedding, at this point, seems like just a day. It's not what defines us, what will define our marriage. We belong to each other. There is no one in this world that I would rather spend every day of my life with. When the planning started to get really crazy, there was a point when we both had to take a step back. He joked that the stress was going to kill him before the wedding even took place." Her eyes became unfocused and her voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "I told him he wasn't allowed to die before me, because there was no way I could survive without him." Looking up, Rosalie shrugged and appeared almost embarrassed. "How's that for _strong, independent _Rosalie? Romeo and Juliet crap, huh? But… it's true."

I smiled at her admission. It wasn't often I saw this side of Rosalie. It often lurked under the hard-ass exterior and while I knew that she felt this way about Emmett, she didn't say the words out loud all the time. It was good to hear because hearing it meant that much more, the words never lost their meaning.

"Getting ready for the wedding is like Christmas morning for months. The anticipation of the day actually being here, of Emmett and me actually being married, it's just growing every day." She cinched another bag and lobbed it gently into the box. "I mean, I know that daily life won't change. He'll be him and I'll be me; we'll wake up each morning, brush our teeth side by side and get ready for work. But the symbolism, the rings, the knowledge that we'll be bound…" she shrugged her shoulders. "It's just special."

Listening to her speak, I couldn't help but internalize her words, applying them to my own life. Edward and I had been together for years and the next logical step was marriage. When Rosalie spoke of how she felt about Emmett, it reminded me of how I felt about Edward. And once again, I was reminded of Lucy's "say it out loud" speech and my need to find closure with Jasper.

But _how_ exactly could the conversation happen with Jasper? What if he didn't even see the need for a conversation at all? It seemed about eight years too late to begin with, but maybe it didn't mean anything to him. Considering what it obviously meant to me, would I be able to handle it if it was a non-issue to him?

I shook my head, trying to tune back in to what Rosalie was talking about. "… And no 'toilet paper bride' bullshit. Bella, please. I beg of you, don't let that happen. We played it at my cousin's shower and it was just awful. I know that Alice might be swayed, thinking of it as an errant fashion experiment, so you need to be the strong one on this. Just tell them that you can't condone the wastefulness of it, the shame of deforestation or some other eco-babble. Please?"

I let out a snort and nodded, accepting the job of Bella the TP-Bride Slayer. We continued to chat while we finished up the favors and finally, all of the seventy-five bags were filled and ready to go. I stood, stretching limbs which were sore from sitting in one position on the floor for so long. We talked about meeting on Tuesday for dinner since it was long overdue and I texted Alice, asking her where we were meeting.

Nearly immediately, Alice texted back with _Get me out of here. Baby overload. Ovaries exploding. _And the name of the restaurant we were meeting at that week.

As "penance" for missing the soap stuffing extravaganza, Alice had agreed to tie the ribbons with Rosalie and Emmett's names stamped on them (yet another contribution from Rose's family), saying that her tiny fingers would make quick work of it. I wasn't going to argue with that logic so together Rosalie and I carted the favors to my car so I could drop them at Alice and Jasper's on my way home. Their extra house key dangled from a small keychain with our college's BevKey on it and I said my goodbyes to Rosalie before driving to their house for the drop-off.

The house looked quiet, Alice was still at the bridal shower and Jasper was scheduled to be out with Emmett and Edward, getting fitted for tuxes. I balanced the first box of favors on my hip, fitting the key in the lock. Swinging the door open, I nearly dropped the box when it hit something solid.

_A person. _

My heart started to race along with my mind, imagining that I had walked in on a robbery in progress, before the logical part of my brain kicked in and looked up to see it was only Jasper.

_Only Jasper. Right._

Balancing the box of favors in one arm, I pressed my free hand to my heart, willing it to calm down. Not only was it going crazy because I didn't realize anyone would be home but the fact that it was Jasper nearly was cause for a defibrillator.

"Bella, hey-"

"Jasper. Hi."

My heart kicked into triple-time, racing at the possibility in front of me. It was an opportunity but was it _the_ opportunity? He was here, alone, and I could very well talk to him here and now.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, I live here."

_Thanks, Captain Obvious. _"Right, but… what are you doing here _now_?" And that's when I actually stopped and took in his appearance. Pajama pants in the middle of the afternoon, old college t-shirt (I think I wore it once during one of our sleepovers, before the big screw-up), slightly red nose. And? Nana's blanket, wrapped around his shoulders. "Oh crap, are you sick?"

"Yeah, I was napping on the couch when I heard your car pull up. I was supposed to be doing the tux thing with the guys but this came out of nowhere. I figure I'll go this week to get measured. When I don't feel like death." He sneezed and grabbed a tissue from the box on the sofa table.

He looked sick and pathetic and not at all up for a heart to heart about my need to close windows and open doors, or whatever Lucy was rambling about. Anyone with half a brain could tell that it wasn't the time.

I knew that this wasn't the time. He wasn't feeling well and I was blindsided by his presence at the house; even though I had eight years to prepare, I still had no idea what I would actually say. I quickly finished bringing the rest of the boxes into the house, chatted briefly for a few more minutes before quietly letting myself out. The conversation had to happen soon.

But not now.

As I walked down the pathway toward my car, I heard the door open behind me again. Slowly I turned, seeing him standing there.

"Was there something else?" He was watching me, expectantly, questioningly.

_Is he talking about the shower stuff or does he mean something other than boxes? _

I rounded the back of my car to slam the trunk shut. "Nope, that's all of it."

A wind blew my hair around my head, and I pushed it out of my eyes, waving once before I got into my car.

We really had to talk, if for no other reason than so I could stop questioning and reading into everything that came out of his mouth.

Soon.

* * *

Thanks for waiting. I apologize for the delay and feel like a major asshole, but to make up for it – two chapters at once? And kisses? And hugs?

A million snuggly blankets Chris, Elle, Boo and my wives, J and J. You light up my life.


	23. Hey Jude

**Hey Jude  
Chapter 23**

The college campus showed the progression of time everywhere. As I stood outside the Student Union the evening before Rosalie and Emmett's wedding, I was both surprised and sad by how many things had changed around the campus. It was little things: different pavers on the walk, new tables on the patio. Or perhaps I had never noticed them to start with. In the time that it had taken me to complete college, here I was, four years out, and so very different than I had been when I started there eight years prior. None of us were the same, really.

During both the rehearsal and the dinner, I'd glanced at Jasper, wondering if we'd find a quiet moment to talk. We continued with Tuesday Night Dinners the month leading up to the wedding but we were always together and it was really the only time the six of us had a chance to catch up together. But finally, I knew the time had come to talk and I'd prepared myself as best I could for it. I had no idea how the actual conversation would go but I wasn't scared any longer, just anxious.

That's how I knew I was ready.

I had seen Jasper leave moments before and thought that I might be able to catch him, might be able to have a chance to finally talk. Edward's eyes had followed him as well and I caught his gaze, nodding once before slipping out of the restaurant. But when I'd gotten outside, all I found was the empty patio outside the Student Union and disappointment.

Walking along the path, I noted the different lamps that had been put along the route; the gravel road that had lead to the facilities yard was now paved. Little things that stood out and the smallest changes somehow made the biggest differences in my mind. As if on autopilot, I found myself in the courtyard; somehow my subconscious knew where to find him.

He sat on the bench where we first met, though it looked like even that had been replaced; it was now a new plastic, made to look like wood and a shiny metal plaque in the middle of its back. In his hands, two coffee cups from the coffee bar, one of the few things that was still open of the campus, despite the majority of the students being away for spring break. He held one up, offering it to me and I took the cup from him, before seating myself on the far end of the end.

"Am I that predictable?"

"You've never been predictable, Bella. But… I hoped we'd finally get a chance to talk. And sure enough, here we are."

I couldn't exactly agree with him on my being unpredictable but maybe that's because I knew myself and my standard way of going about things.

He fell into silence with me, as we sat sipping our coffees. It was strange it be back here, as ourselves, only not who we were all those years before. When there's a breakdown in communication between someone you considered a dear friend, no matter how long you were friends, you think back on certain times and opportunities and wonder why you didn't say anything. When you finally _do _have the opportunity to say something, sometimes you don't know where to start.

"They painted the doors, haven't they? Weren't they red?" We both stared quietly at the now-black doors, looking anywhere but each other's eyes.

"I can't remember," he murmured, shrugging before taking a sip of coffee. "I remember a lot of other stuff about this courtyard, but not the color of the doors." He looked around. I could tell he wasn't really taking anything in but he _was_ thinking. He took the lid off his coffee, letting the air hit and the steam wafted up, before he spoke. "Man, I thought I knew everything about everything back then, didn't I? I was a cocky bastard."

I let out a sigh at his self-depreciation. "I didn't think so. I thought you were… the most interesting person I'd met here." I amended my statement because it didn't seem like enough. "The most _real_ person I'd met here."

He shook his head slowly, quietly, and I could tell he was thinking about what I had just said. "Life was easier back then."

"It was, but it really didn't feel like it was at the time, did it? I guess the passing of time has a way of skewing things. I wonder if we remember things happening the same way."

"Probably not. Three sides to every story, right? You know, after the concert, I asked if you'd ever thought about us, about that night in"—he pointed up to the window of the room he and Peter occupied all those years ago—"_that_ room. But I think that I asked the wrong question. "

Curiously, I looked at him. "I'm not sure what you mean."

He gestured toward the window again. "That right there was the end. And man… there are so many things I'd do differently about that night. But what I really should have asked was do you ever think of us _here_, on this bench, where we first met? Do you ever think of us running through the streets of New York, when we were late to that show?" I smiled at the memory I hadn't thought about in awhile. "Or do you think about when Emmett cracked my head with the CD player and if only it were a few years later, because I'd have an iPod instead of a-"

"Do you?" I interrupted.

"Do I what?"

"Do you still have a scar?"

He pushed his hair back and I could see it there, the faint silver scar. A mark of the day that we'd met one another. Maybe we were each other's internal scars. Reminders of the past and visible only to those who knew where to look for them. "It's healed."

"Anyway_, that's_ what we should have talked about that night after the concert. Because as much as we've seen each other in the past six or seven years, we lost our friendship after that night. And I guess I kept focusing on that night because that's when it ended and that's where things went wrong. But… I realize now that I really miss what was right with us. I miss being _us_ together, being friends. You know, _friends_ – not just moving in the same circles like we are now."

"I know," I replied quietly. Everything he was saying was what I'd been thinking and feeling but not expressing out loud. "I… we… we handled things wrong back then. We fucked up."

He let out a short laugh. "We really did fuck up, didn't we?"

My giggling took over and he joined in and we both laughed at the sheer _fucked up-ness_ that was the situation. It was a moment of levity that both of us needed in the conversation that was getting a bit too heavy. It helped me to refocus, and I could only imagine it was doing the same for him. It helped remind us to not only of what we were doing here, how we came to be _here,_ but also to add a lightness that we might not have been able to feel otherwise.

"When you make stupid mistakes in college, they aren't supposed to follow you through life. I'm not saying that you're a stupid mistake, Jasper-"

"And I thank you for that, Bella." And there was the smirk, although not as easy as it once was, it was still him.

I continued on my train of thought, "But how were we to know that things would work out the way that they did, that our lives would entwine like they did?"

"I get what you're saying. One night stands, they happen all of the time in college. Those people that hook up for one night and then fall out of contact? They're the people you're supposed to catch up with on Facebook and look at their pictures to see if they've gotten ugly. Instead, we found Alice and Edward and well… here we are."

"Here we are," I echoed the statement. Playing with the lid on the coffee, I thought about everything I was feeling in that moment. And instead of running, I laid it on the line. "Honestly, I think that what hurt the most is that we never properly said goodbye to our friendship. You were my best friend, Jasper. Even though it was a brief moment in the history of us knowing each other, you were the comfort that I needed to get me through the first semester of college. And then after we reunited, for lack of a better term, we never got back to where we were. It was almost like we never acknowledged it." I took a breath. "You know, until that night of the concert. And now."

"I know, Bella." That short answer told me that he did know; that he felt the same way I did about everything that happened.

"I guess the night of the concert reminded me of how things could have been; it was almost like we returned to what we were only in the present. It felt nice… you know, save the few points where those people kept making comments about us being together…"

"Yeah, that was kind of awkward, right?"

"It really was. I think since that night, I've been just thinking a lot about _what if. _Edward and I had been talking about the next step and how can I move forward when I keep looking back?"

"So what do you think it is that you're looking back at?"

"I don't know. Maybe my mind returning to the possibilities that never really panned out?"

He murmured a short "Mmmhmm" and the expression on his face reminded me that Jasper had always been an old soul, in some respects, way beyond his years. I knew I was about to get a revelation, much like the one I'd gotten all those years ago. "Bella, this has very little to do with us. Think about it. You're scared. And right now, you're scared of making that commitment to forward with Edward. So your mind keeps jumping back to the last time you were scared in a relationship. That was us."

"How do you know this?"

Unlike all those years ago, when he seemed to have it all together, he then said something that shocked the shit out of me. "Don't you think that I'm scared too? You and I deal individually very similarly to one another. What happened all those years ago, it's really neither here nor there. We fucked it up together, but the most important part is that we learned from it so that we don't do it again." He leaned in as though he was going to tell me a great secret. "Bella, your standard pattern is to run. Mine too."

This was the conversation that we should have had that night after the concert. It was the conversation that we probably should have had long ago but never realized it until more recently. We both needed it and we finally had it. The open wound that we'd left unattended finally had its last stitch and could finally heal, the scar already forming.

Holding out my hand, I reached for his cup. "Are you finished?" He nodded, handing it to me and I aimed for the trashcan. And missed.

"Short."

"Thanks for the commentary." Determined, I aimed for the trashcan again, this time with my own cup. It sailed over and it hit but bounced out at the last minute. I heard him chuckling as he stood and collected the cups from the ground before depositing them.

"You know, I've really missed this."

"You've missed my spastic ways?" I smiled goofily, but I knew what he meant. "I've missed this too."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Me either."

We both looked at one another and grinned. The weight of years of non-communication had been lifted and I felt light, happy as this piece in the puzzle of my life clicked into place. It was time for us to get back.

"You in?"

Some might have gone for a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a reassuring grin. Jasper offered his pinky. It was a promise to move forward, to stop running and to take chances; to support one another through it all.

It was a nod to our past and a leap toward our future. Not together but beside one another.

And it was one I was ready to take.

"I'm in."

* * *

There we go. Closure. It's a glorious thing, isn't it?

Love to my loves – the pre-readers that anyone would be lucky to have in the docs. And (ohhh, she's going to yell) Chris, who is my therapist and big sis. Special thanks to TheHeartofLife on this one for lighting the fire.

Thanks to everyone who has read and stuck with me – even when I didn't want to stick with me. ;)

**Reviews are never necessary but always appreciated.**


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